第 39 节
作者:打倒一切      更新:2021-02-21 13:04      字数:9306
  changes were insignificant。
  It was his expression that made him almost completely unrecognizable。 The open; friendly smile was gone
  like the hair; the warmth in his dark eyes altered to a brooding resentment that was instantly disturbing。
  There was a darkness in Jacob now。 Like my sun had imploded。
  〃Jacob?〃 I whispered。
  He just stared at me; his eyes tense and angry。
  I realized we weren't alone。 Behind him stood four others; all tall and russet…skinned; black hair chopped
  short just like Jacob's。 They could have been brothers—I couldn't even pick Embry out of the group。
  The resemblance was only intensified by the strikingly similar hostility in every pair of eyes。
  Every pair but one。 The oldest by several years; Sam stood in the very back; his face serene and sure。 I
  had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat。 I wanted to take a swing at him。 No; I wanted to do
  more than that。 More than anything; I wanted to be fierce and deadly; someone no one would dare mess
  with。 Someone who would scare Sam Uley silly。
  I wanted to be a vampire。
  The violent desire caught me off guard and knocked the wind out of me。 It was the most forbidden of all
  wishes—even when I only wished it for a malicious reason like this; to gain an advantage over an
  enemy—because it was the most painful。 That future was lost to me forever; had never really been within
  my grasp。 I scrambled to gain control of myself while the hole in my chest ached hollowly。
  〃What do you want?〃 Jacob demanded; his expression growing more resentful as he watched the play of
  emotion across my face。
  〃I want to talk to you;〃 I said in a weak voice。 I tried to focus; but I was still reeling against the escape of
  my taboo dream。
  〃Go ahead;〃 he hissed through his teeth。 His glare was vicious。 I'd never seen him look at anyone like
  that; least of all me。 It hurt with a surprising intensity—a physical pain; a stabbing in my head。
  〃Alone!〃 I hissed; and my voice was stronger。
  He looked behind him; and I knew where his eyes would go。 Every one of them was turned for Sam's
  reaction。
  Sam nodded once; his face unperturbed。 He made a brief comment in an unfamiliar; liquid language—I
  could only be positive that it wasn't French or Spanish; but I guessed that it was Quileute。 He turned and
  walked into Jacob's house。 The others; Paul; Jared; and Embry; I assumed; followed him in。
  〃Okay。〃 Jacob seemed a bit less furious when the others were gone。 His face was a little calmer; but also
  more hopeless。 His mouth seemed permanently pulled down at the corners。
  I took a deep breath。 〃You know what I want to know。〃
  He didn't answer。 He just stared at me bitterly。
  I stared back and the silence stretched on。 The pain in his face unnerved me。 I felt a lump beginning to
  build in my throat。
  〃Can we walk?〃 I asked while I could still speak。
  He didn't respond in any way; his face didn't change。
  I got out of the car; feeling unseen eyes behind the windows on me; and started walking toward the trees
  to the north。 My feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road; and; as that was the only
  sound; at first I thought he wasn't following me。 But when I glanced around; he was right beside me; his
  feet having somehow found a less noisy path than mine。
  I felt better in the fringe of trees; where Sam couldn't possibly be watching。 As we walked; I struggled for
  the right thing to say; but nothing came。 I just got more and more angry that Jacob had gotten sucked
  in… that Billy had allowed this… that Sam was able to stand there so assured and calm…
  Jacob suddenly picked up the pace; striding ahead of me easily with his long legs; and then swinging
  around to face me; planting himself in my path so I would have to stop too。
  I was distracted by the overt grace of his movement。 Jacob had been nearly as klutzy as me with his
  never…ending growth spurt。 When did that changed?
  But Jacob didn't give me time to think about it。
  〃Let's get this over with;〃 he said in a hard; husky voice。
  I waited。 He knew what I wanted。
  〃It's not what you think。〃 His voice was abruptly weary。 〃It's not what I thought—I was way off。〃
  〃So what is it; then?〃
  He studied my face for a long moment; speculating。 The anger never completely left his eyes。 〃I can't tell
  you;〃 he finally said。
  My jaw tightened; and I spoke through my teeth。 〃I thought we were friends。〃
  〃We were。〃 There was a slight emphasis on the past tense。
  〃But you don't need friends anymore;〃 I said sourly。 〃You have Sam。 Isn't that nice—you've always
  looked up to him so much。〃
  〃I didn't understand him before。〃
  〃And now you've seen the light。 Hallelujah。〃
  〃It wasn't like I thought it was。 This isn't Sam's fault。 He's helping me as much as he can。〃 His voice
  turned brittle and he looked over my head; past me; rage burning out from his eyes。
  〃He's helping you;〃 I repeated dubiously。 〃Naturally。〃
  But Jacob didn't seem to be listening。 He was taking deep; deliberate breaths; trying to calm himself。 He
  was so mad that his hands were shaking。
  〃Jacob; please;〃 I whispered 〃Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help。〃
  〃No one can help me now。〃 The words were a low moan; his voice broke。
  〃What did he do to you?〃 I demanded; tears collecting in my eyes。 I reached out to him; as I had once
  before; stepping forward with my arms wide。
  This time he cringed away; holding his hands up defensively。 〃Don't touch me;〃 he whispered。
  〃Is Sam catching?〃 I mumbled。 The stupid tears had escaped the corners of my eyes。 I wiped them away
  with the back of my hand; and folded my arms across my chest。
  〃Stop blaming Sam。〃 The words came out fast; like a reflex。 His hands reached up to twist around the
  hair that was no longer there; and then fell limply at his sides。
  〃Then who should I blame?〃 I retorted。
  He halfway smiled; it was a bleak; twisted thing。
  〃You don't want to hear that。〃
  〃The hell I don't!〃 I snapped。 〃I want to know; and I want to know now。〃
  〃You're wrong;〃 he snapped back。
  〃Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong—I'm not the one who got brainwashed! Tell me now whose fault this
  all is; if it's not your precious Sam!〃
  〃You asked for it;〃 he growled at me; eyes glinting hard。 〃If you want to blame someone; why don't you
  point your finger at those filthy; reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?〃
  My mouth fell open and my breath came out with a whooshing sound。 I was frozen in place; stabbed
  through with his double…edged words。 The pain twisted in familiar patterns through my body; the jagged
  hole ripping me open from the inside out; but it was second place; background music to the chaos of my
  thoughts。 I couldn't believe that I'd heard him correctly。 There was no trace of indecision in his face。 Only
  fury。
  My mouth still hung wide。
  〃I told you that you didn't want to hear it;〃 he said。
  〃I don't understand who you mean;〃 I whispered。
  He raised one eyebrow in disbelief。 〃I think you understand exactly who I mean。 You're not going to
  make me say it; are you? I don't like hurting you。〃
  〃I don't understand who you mean;〃 I repeated mechanically。
  〃The Cullens;〃 he said slowly; drawing out the word; scrutinizing my face as he spoke it。 〃I saw that—I
  can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name。〃
  I shook my head back and forth in denial; trying to clear it at the same time。 How did he know this? And
  how did it have anything to do with Sam's cult? Was it a gang of vampire…haters? What was the point of
  forming such a society when no vampires lived in Forks anymore? Why would Jacob start believing the
  stories about the Cullens now; when the evidence of them was long gone; never to return?
  It took me too long to come up with the correct response。 〃Don't tell me you're listening to Billy's
  superstitious nonsense now;〃 I said with a feeble attempt at mockery。
  〃He knows more than I gave him credit for。〃
  〃Be serious; Jacob。〃
  He glared at me; his eyes critical。
  〃Superstitions aside;〃 I said quickly。 〃I still don't see what you're accusing the。。。 Cullens〃—wince—〃of。
  They left more than half a year ago。 How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?〃
  〃Sam isn't doing anything; Bella。 And I know they're gone。 But sometimes… things are set in motion; and
  then it's too late。〃
  〃What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for?〃
  He was suddenly right in my face; his fury glowing in his eyes。 〃For existing;〃 he hissed。
  I was surprised and distracted as the warning words came in Edward's voice again; when I wasn't even
  scared。
  〃Quiet now; Bella。 Don't push him;〃 Edward cautioned in my ear。
  Ever since Edward's name had broken through the careful walls I'd buried it behind; I'd been unable to
  lock it up again。 It didn't hurt now—not during the precious seconds when I could hear his voice。
  Jacob was fuming in front of me; quivering with anger。
  I didn't understand why the Edward delusion was unexpectedly in my mind。 Jacob was livid; but he was
  Jacob。 There was no adrenaline; no danger。
  〃Give hi