第 29 节
作者:击水三千      更新:2021-02-20 15:20      字数:9321
  when he came the following day he apparently had once more restored her father to his proper place of a nonessential。  All that definitely remained of the day before's impression was a certain satisfaction that he was aiding with his money an enterprise of greater value and of less questionable character than merely his own project。  But the powerful influences upon our life and conduct are rarely direct and definite。  He; quite unconsciously; had a wholly different feeling about Dorothy because of her father; because of what his new knowledge of and respect for her father had revealed and would continue to reveal to him as to the girl herselfher training; her inheritance; her character that could not but be touched with the splendor of the father's noble genius。  And long afterward; when the father as a distinct personality had been almost forgotten; Nor… man was still; altogether unconsciously; influenced by himpowerfully; perhaps decisively influenced。  Norman had no notion of it; but ever after that talk in the laboratory; Dorothy Hallowell was to him Newton Hallowell's daughter。
  When he came the following day; with his original purposes and plans once more intact; as he thought; he found that she had made more of a toilet than usual; had devised a new way of doing her hair that enabled him to hang a highly prized addition in his memory gallery of widely varied portraits of her。
  The afternoon was warm。  They sat under a big old tree at the end of the garden。  He saw that she was much disturbedand that it had to do with him。  From time to time she looked at him; studying his face when she thought herself unobserved。  As he had learned that it is never wise to open up the disagreeable; he waited。 After making several futile efforts at conversation; she abruptly said:
  〃I saw Mr。 Tetlow this morningin Twenty…third Street。  I was coming out of a chemical supplies store where father had sent me。〃
  She paused。  But Norman did not help her。  He continued to wait。
  〃HeMr。 Tetlowacted very strangely;〃 she went on。  〃I spoke to him。  He stared at me as if he weren't going to speakas if I weren't fit to speak to。〃
  〃Oh!〃 said Norman。
  〃Then he came hurrying after me。  And he said; ‘Do you know that Norman is to be married in two weeks?' 〃
  〃So!〃 said Norman。
  〃And I said; ‘What of it?  How does that interest me?' 〃
  〃It didn't interest you?〃
  〃I was surprised that you hadn't spoken of it;〃 replied she。  〃But I was more interested in Mr。 Tetlow's manner。  What do you think he said next?〃
  〃I can't imagine;〃 said Norman。
  〃Whythat I was even more shameless than he thought。  He said:  ‘Oh; I know all about you。  I found out by accident。  I shan't tell anyone; for I can't help loving you still。  But it has killed my belief in woman to find out that YOU would sell yourself。' 〃
  She was looking at Norman with eyes large and grave。  〃And what did you say?〃 he inquired。
  〃I didn't say anything。  I looked at him as if he weren't there and started on。  Then he said; ‘When Norman abandons you; as he soon will; you can count on me; if you need a friend。' 〃
  There was a pause。  Then Norman said; 〃And that was all?〃
  〃Yes;〃 replied she。
  Another pause。  Norman said musingly:  〃Poor Tetlow!  I've not seen him since he went away to Bermudaat least he said he was going there。  One day he sent the firm a formal letter of resignation。 。 。 。 Poor Tetlow!  Do you regret not having married him?〃
  〃I couldn't marry a man I didn't love。〃  She looked at him with sweet friendly eyes。  〃I couldn't even marry you; much as I like you。〃
  Norman laugheda dismal attempt at ease and raillery。
  〃When he told me about your marrying;〃 she went on; 〃I knew how I felt about you。  For I was not a bit jealous。  Why haven't you ever said anything about it?〃
  He disregarded this。  He leaned forward and with curious deliberateness took her hand。  She let it lie gently in his。  He put his arm round her and drew her close to him。  She did not resist。  He kissed her upturned face; kissed her upon the lips。  She remained passive; looking at him with calm eyes。
  〃Kiss me;〃 he said。
  She kissed himwithout hesitation and without warmth。
  〃Why do you look at me so?〃 he demanded。
  〃I can't understand。〃
  〃Understand what?〃
  〃Why you should wish to kiss me when you love another woman。  What would she say if she knew?〃
  〃I'm sure I don't know。  And I rather think I don't care。  You are the only person on earth that interests me。〃
  〃Then why are you marrying?〃
  〃Let's not talk about that。  Let's talk about ourselves。〃  He clasped her passionately; kissed her at first with self…restraint; then in a kind of frenzy。  〃How can you be so cruel!〃 he cried。  〃Are you utterly cold?〃
  〃I do not love you;〃 she said。
  〃Why not?〃
  〃There's no reason。  Ijust don't。  I've sometimes thought perhaps it was because you don't love me。〃
  〃Good God; Dorothy!  What do you want me to say or do?〃
  〃Nothing;〃 replied she calmly。  〃You asked me why I didn't love you; and I was trying to explain。 I don't want anything more than I'm getting。  I am contentaren't you?〃
  〃Content!〃  He laughed sardonically。  〃As well ask Tantalus if he is content; with the water always before his eyes and always out of reach。  I want you all you have to give。  I couldn't be content with less。〃
  〃You ought not to talk to me this way;〃 she reproved gently; 〃when you are engaged。〃
  He flung her hand into her lap。  〃You are making a fool of me。  And I don't wonder。  I've invited it。 Surely; never since man was created has there been such another ass as I。〃  He drew her to her feet; seized her roughly by the shoulders。  〃When are you coming to your senses?〃 he demanded。
  〃What do you mean?〃 she inquired; in her child… like puzzled way。
  He shook her; kissed her violently; held her at arm's length。  〃Do you think it wise to trifle with me?〃 he asked。  〃Don't your good sense tell you there's a limit even to such folly as mine?〃
  〃What IS the matter?〃 she asked pathetically。 〃What do you want?  I can't give you what I haven't got to give。〃
  〃No;〃 he cried。  〃But I want what you HAVE got to give。〃
  She shook her head slowly。  〃Really; I haven't; Mr。 Norman。〃
  He eyed her with cynical amused suspicion。  〃Why did you call me MR。 Norman just then?  Usually you don't call me at all。  It's been weeks since you have called me Mister。  Was your doing it just then one of those subtle; adroit; timely tricks of yours?〃
  She was the picture of puzzled innocence。  〃I don't understand;〃 she said。
  〃Wellperhaps you don't;〃 said he doubtfully。 〃At any rate; don't call me Mr。 Norman。  Call me Fred。〃
  〃I can't。  It isn't natural。  You seem Mister to me。  I always think of you as Mr。 Norman。〃
  〃That's it。  And it must stop!〃
  She smiled with innocent gayety。  〃Very well Fred。 。 。 。  Fred。 。 。 。  Now that I've said it; I don't find it strange。〃  She looked at him with an expression between appeal and mockery。  〃If you'd only let me get acquainted with you。  But you don't。  You make me feel that I've got to be careful with youthat I must be on my guard。  I don't know against whatfor you are certainly the very best friend that I've ever had the only real friend。〃
  He frowned and bit his lipand felt uncomfortable; though he protested to himself that he was simply irritated at her slyness。  Yes; it must be slyness。
  〃So;〃 she went on; 〃there's no REASON for being on guard。  Still; I feel that way。〃  She looked at him with sweet gravity。  〃Perhaps I shouldn't if you didn't talk about love to me and kiss me in a way I feel you've no right to。〃
  Again he laid his hands upon her shoulders。  This time he gazed angrily into her eyes。  〃Are you a fool? Or are you making a fool of me?〃 he said。  〃I can't decide which。〃
  〃I certainly am very foolish;〃 was her apologetic answer。  〃I don't know a lot of things; like you and father。  I'm only a girl。〃
  And he had the maddening sense of being baffled againof having got nowhere; of having demonstrated afresh to himself and to her his own weakness where she was concerned。  What unbelievable weakness!  Had there ever been such another case?  Yes; there must have been。  How little he had known of the possibil… ities of the relations of men and womenhe who had prided himself on knowing all!
  She said; 〃You are going to marry?〃
  〃I suppose so;〃 replied he sourly。
  〃Are you worried about the expense?  Is it costing you too much; this helping father?  Are you sorry you went into it?〃
  He was silent。
  〃You are sorry?〃 she exclaimed。  〃You feel that you are wasting your money?〃
  His generosity forbade him to keep up the pretense that might aid him in his project。  〃No;〃 he said hastily。  〃No; indeed。  This expenseit's nothing。〃 He flushed; hung his head in shame before his own weakness; as he added; in complete surrender; 〃I'm very glad to be helping your father。〃
  〃I knew you would be!〃 she cried triumphantly。 〃I knew it!〃  And she flung her arms round his neck and kissed him。
  〃That's better!〃 he said with a foolishly delighted laugh。  〃I believe we are beginning to get acquainted。〃
  〃Yes; indeed。  I feel quite different already。〃
  〃I hoped so。  You are coming to your senses?〃
  〃Perhaps。  Only〃  She laid a beautiful