第 17 节
作者:僻处自说      更新:2021-02-20 14:23      字数:9321
  anxiety? Do not fear that you will be exposed to the laments of a
  suppliant passion; I would not want you back until I felt certain of
  my own strength to leave you in perfect freedom。
  〃 'Your solitary pride has exaggerated the difficulties。 You may; if
  you will; look on at the life of a brother; or of a father; without
  either suffering or joy; but you will find neither mockery nor
  indifference; nor have any doubt as to his intentions。 The warmth of
  the atmosphere in which you live will be always equable and genial;
  without tempests; without a possible squall。 If; later; when you feel
  secure that you are as much at home as in your own little house; you
  desire to try some other elements of happiness; pleasures; or
  amusements; you can expand their circle at your will。 The tenderness
  of a mother knows neither contempt nor pity。 What is it? Love without
  desire。 Well; in me admiration shall hide every sentiment in which you
  might see an offence。
  〃 'Thus; living side by side; we may both be magnanimous。 In you the
  kindness of a sister; the affectionate thoughtfulness of a friend;
  will satisfy the ambition of him who wishes to be your life's
  companion; and you may measure his tenderness by the care he will take
  to conceal it。 Neither you nor I will be jealous of the past; for we
  may each acknowledge that the other has sense enough to look only
  straight forward。
  〃 'Thus you will be at home in your new house exactly as you are in
  the Rue Saint…Maur; unapproachable; alone; occupied as you please;
  living by your own law; but having in addition the legitimate
  protection; of which you are now exacting the most chivalrous labors
  of love; with the consideration which lends so much lustre to a woman;
  and the fortune which will allow of your doing many good works。
  Honorine; when you long for an unnecessary absolution; you have only
  to ask for it; it will not be forced upon you by the Church or by the
  Law; it will wait on your pride; on your own impulsion。 My wife might
  indeed have to fear all the things you dread; but not my friend and
  sister; towards whom I am bound to show every form and refinement of
  politeness。 To see you happy is enough happiness for me; I have proved
  this for the seven years past。 The guarantee for this; Honorine; is to
  be seen in all the flowers made by you; carefully preserved; and
  watered by my tears。 Like the /quipos/; the tally cords of the
  Peruvians; they are the record of our sorrows。
  〃 'If this secret compact does not suit you; my child; I have begged
  the saintly man who takes charge of this letter not to say a word in
  my behalf。 I will not owe your return to the terrors threatened by the
  Church; nor to the bidding of the Law。 I will not accept the simple
  and quiet happiness that I ask from any one but yourself。 If you
  persist in condemning me to the lonely life; bereft even of a
  fraternal smile; which I have led for nine years; if you remain in
  your solitude and show no sign; my will yields to yours。 Understand me
  perfectly: you shall be no more troubled that you have been until this
  day。 I will get rid of the crazy fellow who has meddled in your
  concerns; and has perhaps caused you some annoyance 。 。 。'
  〃 'Monsieur;' said Honorine; folding up the letter; which she placed
  in her bosom; and looking at my uncle; 'thank you very much。 I will
  avail myself of Monsieur le Comte's permission to remain here'
  〃 'Ah!' I exclaimed。
  〃This exclamation made my uncle look at me uneasily; and won from the
  Countess a mischievous glance; which enlightened me as to her motives。
  〃Honorine had wanted to ascertain whether I were an actor; a bird
  snarer; and I had the melancholy satisfaction of deceiving her by my
  exclamation; which was one of those cries from the heart which women
  understand so well。
  〃 'Ah; Maurice;' said she; 'you know how to love。'
  〃The light that flashed in my eyes was another reply which would have
  dissipated the Countess' uneasiness if she still had any。 Thus the
  Count found me useful to the very last。
  〃Honorine then took out the Count's letter again to finish reading it。
  My uncle signed to me; and I rose。
  〃 'Let us leave the Countess;' said he。
  〃 'You are going already Maurice?' she said; without looking at me。
  〃She rose; and still reading; followed us to the door。 On the
  threshold she took my hand; pressed it very affectionately; and said;
  'We shall meet again 。 。 。'
  〃 'No;' I replied; wringing her hand; so that she cried out。 'You love
  your husband。 I leave to…morrow。'
  〃And I rushed away; leaving my uncle; to whom she said:
  〃 'Why; what is the matter with your nephew?'
  〃The good Abbe completed my work by pointing to his head and heart; as
  much as to say; 'He is mad; madame; you must forgive him!' and with
  all the more truth; because he really thought it。
  〃Six days after; I set out with an appointment as vice…consul in
  Spain; in a large commercial town; where I could quickly qualify to
  rise in the career of a consul; to which I now restricted my ambition。
  After I had established myself there; I received this letter from the
  Count:
  〃 'MY DEAR MAURICE;
  〃 'If I were happy; I should not write to you; but I have entered on a
  new life of suffering。 I have grown young again in my desires; with
  all the impatience of a man of forty; and the prudence of a
  diplomatist; who has learned to moderate his passion。 When you left I
  had not yet been admitted to the /pavillon/ in the Rue Saint…Maur; but
  a letter had promised me that I should have permissionthe mild and
  melancholy letter of a woman who dreaded the agitations of a meeting。
  After waiting for more than a month; I made bold to call; and desired
  Gobain to inquire whether I could be received。 I sat down in a chair
  in the avenue near the lodge; my head buried in my hands; and there I
  remained for almost an hour。
  〃 ' 〃Madame had to dress;〃 said Gobain; to hide Honorine's hesitancy
  under a pride of appearance which was flattering to me。
  〃 'During a long quarter of an hour we both of us were possessed by an
  involuntary nervous trembling as great as that which seizes a speaker
  on the platform; and we spoke to each other sacred phrases; like those
  of persons taken by surprise who 〃make believe〃 a conversation。
  〃 ' 〃You see; Honorine;〃 said I; my eyes full of tears; 〃the ice is
  broken; and I am so tremulous with happiness that you must forgive the
  incoherency of my language。 It will be so for a long time yet。〃
  〃 ' 〃There is no crime in being in love with your wife;〃 said she with
  a forced smile。
  〃 ' 〃Do me the favor;〃 said I; 〃no longer to work as you do。 I have
  heard from Madame Gobain that for three weeks you have been living on
  your savings; you have sixty thousand francs a year of your own; and
  if you cannot give me back your heart; at least do not abandon your
  fortune to me。〃
  〃 ' 〃I have long known your kindness;〃 said she。
  〃 ' 〃Though you should prefer to remain here;〃 said I; 〃and to
  preserve your independence; though the most ardent love should find no
  favor in your eyes; still; do not toil。〃
  〃 'I gave her three certificates for twelve thousand francs a year
  each; she took them; opened them languidly; and after reading them
  through she gave me only a look as my reward。 She fully understood
  that I was not offering her money; but freedom。
  〃 ' 〃I am conquered;〃 said she; holding out her hand; which I kissed。
  〃Come and see me as often as you like。〃
  〃 'So she had done herself a violence in receiving me。 Next day I
  found her armed with affected high spirits; and it took two months of
  habit before I saw her in her true character。 But then it was like a
  delicious May; a springtime of love that gave me ineffable bliss; she
  was no longer afraid; she was studying me。 Alas! when I proposed that
  she should go to England to return ostensibly to me; to our home; that
  she should resume her rank and live in our new residence; she was
  seized with alarm。
  〃 ' 〃Why not live always as we are?〃 she said。
  〃 'I submitted without saying a word。
  〃 ' 〃Is she making an experiment?〃 I asked myself as I left her。 On my
  way from my own house to the Rue Saint…Maur thoughts of love had
  swelled in my heart; and I had said to myself; like a young man; 〃This
  evening she will yield。〃
  〃 'All my real or affected force was blown to the winds by a smile; by
  a command from those proud; calm eyes; untouched by passion。 I
  remembered the terrible words you once quoted to me; 〃Lucretia's
  dagger wrote in letters of blood the watchword of woman's charter
  Liberty!〃 and they froze me。 I felt imperatively how necessary to me
  was Honorine's consent; and how impossible it was to wring it from
  her。 Could she guess the storms that distracted me when I left as when
  I came?
  〃 'At last I painted my situation in a letter to her; giving up the
  attempt to speak of it。 Honorine made no answer; and she was so sad
  that I made as though I had not written。 I was deeply grieved by the
  idea that I could have distressed her; she read my heart and forgave
  me。 And this was how。 Three days ago she received me; for the first
  time; in her own blue…and…white room。 It was bright with flowers;
  dressed; and lighted up。 Honorine was in a dress