out　of　town　he　feels　that　he　has　left　little　behind　him　that　can　go
  wrong；　and　he　would　not　like　to　be　tied　to　a　single　locality。　　〃I
  know　no　exception；〃　he　says；　〃to　the　rule　that　it　is　cheaper　to　buy
  milk　than　to　keep　a　cow。〃
  As　I　have　mentioned　Mrs　Jupp；　I　may　as　well　say　here　the　little　that
  remains　to　be　said　about　her。　　She　is　a　very　old　woman　now；　but　no
  one　now　living；　as　she　says　triumphantly；　can　say　how　old；　for　the
  woman　in　the　Old　Kent　Road　is　dead；　and　presumably　has　carried　her
  secret　to　the　grave。　　Old；　however；　though　she　is；　she　lives　in　the
  same　house；　and　finds　it　hard　work　to　make　the　two　ends　meet；　but　I
  do　not　know　that　she　minds　this　very　much；　and　it　has　prevented　her
  from　getting　more　to　drink　than　would　be　good　for　her。　　It　is　no　use
  trying　to　do　anything　for　her　beyond　paying　her　allowance　weekly；
  and　absolutely　refusing　to　let　her　anticipate　it。　　She　pawns　her
  flat　iron　every　Saturday　for　4d。；　and　takes　it　out　every　Monday
  morning　for　4。5d。　when　she　gets　her　allowance；　and　has　done　this　for
  the　last　ten　years　as　regularly　as　the　week　comes　round。　　As　long　as
  she　does　not　let　the　flat　iron　actually　go　we　know　that　she　can
  still　worry　out　her　financial　problems　in　her　own　hugger…mugger　way
  and　had　better　be　left　to　do　so。　　If　the　flat　iron　were　to　go　beyond
  redemption；　we　should　know　that　it　was　time　to　interfere。　　I　do　not
  know　why；　but　there　is　something　about　her　which　always　reminds　me
  of　a　woman　who　was　as　unlike　her　as　one　person　can　be　to　anotherI
  mean　Ernest's　mother。
  The　last　time　I　had　a　long　gossip　with　her　was　about　two　years　ago
  when　she　came　to　me　instead　of　to　Ernest。　　She　said　she　had　seen　a
  cab　drive　up　just　as　she　was　going　to　enter　the　staircase；　and　had
  seen　Mr　Pontifex's　pa　put　his　Beelzebub　old　head　out　of　the　window；
  so　she　had　come　on　to　me；　for　she　hadn't　greased　her　sides　for　no
  curtsey；　not　for　the　likes　of　him。　　She　professed　to　be　very　much
  down　on　her　luck。　　Her　lodgers　did　use　her　so　dreadful；　going　away
  without　paying　and　leaving　not　so　much　as　a　stick　behind；　but　to…day
  she　was　as　pleased　as　a　penny　carrot。　　She　had　had　such　a　lovely
  dinnera　cushion　of　ham　and　green　peas。　　She　had　had　a　good　cry
  over　it；　but　then　she　was　so　silly；　she　was。
  〃And　there's　that　Bell；〃　she　continued；　though　I　could　not　detect
  any　appearance　of　connection；　〃it's　enough　to　give　anyone　the　hump
  to　see　him　now　that　he's　taken　to　chapel…going；　and　his　mother's
  prepared　to　meet　Jesus　and　all　that　to　me；　and　now　she　ain't　a…going
  to　die；　and　drinks　half　a　bottle　of　champagne　a　day；　and　then　Grigg；
  him　as　preaches；　you　know；　asked　Bell　if　I　really　was　too　gay；　not
  but　what　when　I　was　young　I'd　snap　my　fingers　at　any　'fly　by　night'
  in　Holborn；　and　if　I　was　togged　out　and　had　my　teeth　I'd　do　it　now。
  I　lost　my　poor　dear　Watkins；　but　of　course　that　couldn't　be　helped；
  and　then　I　lost　my　dear　Rose。　　Silly　faggot　to　go　and　ride　on　a　cart
  and　catch　the　bronchitics。　　I　never　thought　when　I　kissed　my　dear
  Rose　in　Pullen's　Passage　and　she　gave　me　the　chop；　that　I　should
  never　see　her　again；　and　her　gentleman　friend　was　fond　of　her　too；
  though　he　was　a　married　man。　　I　daresay　she's　gone　to　bits　by　now。
  If　she　could　rise　and　see　me　with　my　bad　finger；　she　would　cry；　and
  I　should　say；　'Never　mind；　ducky；　I'm　all　right。'　　Oh！　dear；　it's
  coming　on　to　rain。　　I　do　hate　a　wet　Saturday　nightpoor　women　with
  their　nice　white　stockings　and　their　living　to　get；〃　etc。；　etc。
  And　yet　age　does　not　wither　this　godless　old　sinner；　as　people　would
  say　it　ought　to　do。　　Whatever　life　she　has　led；　it　has　agreed　with
  her　very　sufficiently。　　At　times　she　gives　us　to　understand　that　she
  is　still　much　solicited；　at　others　she　takes　quite　a　different　tone。
  She　has　not　allowed　even　Joe　King　so　much　as　to　put　his　lips　to　hers
  this　ten　years。　　She　would　rather　have　a　mutton　chop　any　day。　　〃But
  ah！　you　should　have　seen　me　when　I　was　sweet　seventeen。　　I　was　the
  very　moral　of　my　poor　dear　mother；　and　she　was　a　pretty　woman；
  though　I　say　it　that　shouldn't。　　She　had　such　a　splendid　mouth　of
  teeth。　　It　was　a　sin　to　bury　her　in　her　teeth。〃
  I　only　knew　of　one　thing　at　which　she　professes　to　be　shocked。　　It
  is　that　her　son　Tom　and　his　wife　Topsy　are　teaching　the　baby　to
  swear。　　〃Oh！　it's　too　dreadful　awful；〃　she　exclaimed；　〃I　don't　know
  the　meaning　of　the　words；　but　I　tell　him　he's　a　drunken　sot。〃　　I
  believe　the　old　woman　in　reality　rather　likes　it。
  〃But　surely；　Mrs　Jupp；〃　said　I；　〃Tom's　wife　used　not　to　be　Topsy。
  You　used　to　speak　of　her　as　Pheeb。〃
  〃Ah！　yes；〃　she　answered；　〃but　Pheeb　behaved　bad；　and　it's　Topsy
  now。〃
  Ernest's　daughter　Alice　married　the　boy　who　had　been　her　playmate
  more　than　a　year　ago。　　Ernest　gave　them　all　they　said　they　wanted
  and　a　good　deal　more。　　They　have　already　presented　him　with　a
  grandson；　and　I　doubt　not；　will　do　so　with　many　more。　　Georgie
  though　only　twenty…one　is　owner　of　a　fine　steamer　which　his　father
  has　bought　for　him。　　He　began　when　about　thirteen　going　with　old
  Rollings　and　Jack　in　the　barge　from　Rochester　to　the　upper　Thames
  with　bricks；　then　his　father　bought　him　and　Jack　barges　of　their
  own；　and　then　he　bought　them　both　ships；　and　then　steamers。　　I　do
  not　exactly　know　how　people　make　money　by　having　a　steamer；　but　he
  does　whatever　is　usual；　and　from　all　I　can　gather　makes　it　pay
  extremely　well。　　He　is　a　good　deal　like　his　father　in　the　face；　but
  without　a　sparkso　far　as　I　have　been　able　to　observeany　literary
  ability；　he　has　a　fair　sense　of　humour　and　abundance　of　common
  sense；　but　his　instinct　is　clearly　a　practical　one。　　I　am　not　sure
  that　he　does　not　put　me　in　mind　almost　more　of　what　Theobald　would
  have　been　if　he　had　been　a　sailor；　than　of　Ernest。　　Ernest　used　to
  go　down　to　Battersby　and　stay　with　his　father　for　a　few　days　twice　a
  year　until　Theobald's　death；　and　the　pair　continued　on　excellent
  terms；　in　spite　of　what　the　neighbouring　clergy　call　〃the　atrocious
  books　which　Mr　Ernest　Pontifex〃　has　written。　　Perhaps　the　harmony；
  or　rather　absence　of　discord　which　subsisted　between　the　pair　was
  due　to　the　fact　that　Theobald　had　never　looked　into　the　inside　of
  one　of　his　son's　works；　and　Ernest；　of　course；　never　alluded　to　them
  in　his　father's　presence。　　The　pair；　as　I　have　said；　got　on
  excellently；　but　it　was　doubtless　as　well　that　Ernest's　visits　were
  short　and　not　too　frequent。　　Once　Theobald　wanted　Ernest　to　bring
  his　children；　but　Ernest　knew　they　would　not　like　it；　so　this　was
  not　done。
  Sometimes　Theobald　came　up　to　town　on　small　business　matters　and
  paid　a　visit　to　Ernest's　chambers；　he　generally　brought　with　him　a
  couple　of　lettuces；　or　a　cabbage；　or　half…a…dozen　turnips　done　up　in
  a　piece　of　brown　paper；　and　told　Ernest　that　he　knew　fresh
  vegetables　were　rather　hard　to　get　in　London；　and　he　had　brought　him
  some。　　Ernest　had　often　explained　to　him　that　the　vegetables　were　of
  no　use　to　him；　and　that　he　had　rather　he　would　not　bring　them；　but
  Theobald　persisted；　I　believe　through　sheer　love　of　doing　something
  which　his　son　did　not　like；　but　which　was　too　small　to　take　notice
  of。
  He　lived　until　about　twelve　months　ago；　when　he　was　found　dead　in
  his　bed　on　the　morning　after　having　written　the　following　letter　to
  his　son：…
  〃Dear　Ernest；I've　nothing　particular　to　write　about；　but　your
  letter　has　been　lying　for　some　days　in　the　limbo　of　unanswered
  letters；　to　wit　my　pocket；　and　it's　time　it　was　answered。
  〃I　keep　wonderfully　well　and　am　able　to　walk　my　five　or　six　miles
  with　comfort；　but　at　my　age　there's　no　knowing　how　long　it　will
  last；　and　time　flies　quickly。　　I　have　been　busy　potting　plants　all
  the　morning；　but　this　afternoon　is　wet。
  〃What　is　this　horrid　Government　going　to　do　with　Ireland？　　I　don't
  exactly　wish　they'd　blow　up　Mr　Gladstone；　but　if　a　mad　bull　would
  chivy　him　there；　and　he　would　never　come　back　any　more；　I　should　not
  be　sorry。　　Lord　Hartington　is　not　exactly　the　man　I　should　like　to
  set　in　his　place；　but　he　would　be　immeasurably　better　than
  Gladstone。
  〃I　miss　your　sister　Charlotte　more　than　I　can　express。　　She　kept　my
  household　accounts；　and　I　could　pour　out　to　her　all　little　worries；
  and　now　that　Joey　is　married　too；　I　don't　know　what　I　should　do　if
  one　or　other　of　them　did　not　come　sometimes　and　take　care　of　me。　　My
  only　comfort　is　that　Charlotte　will　make　her　husband　happy；　and　that
  he　is　as　nearly　worthy　of　her　as　a　husband　can　well　be。Believe　me；
  Your　affectionate　father；
  〃THEOBALD　PONTIFEX。〃
  I　may　say　in　passing　that　though　Theobald　speaks　of　Charlotte's
  marriage　as　though　it　were　recent；　it　had　really　taken　place　some
  six　years　previously；　she　being　then　about　thirty…eight　years　old；
  and　her　husband　about　seven　years　younger。
  There　was　no　doubt　that　Theobald　passed　peacefully　away　during　his
  sleep。　　Can　a　man　who　died　thus　be　said　to　have　died　at　all？　　He　has
  presented　the　phenomena　of　death　to　other　people；　but　in　respect　of
  himself　he　has　not　only　not　died；　but　has　not　even　thought　that　he
  was　going　to　die。　　This　is　not　more　than　half　dying；　but　then
  neither　was　his　life　more　than　half　living。　　He　presented　so　many　of
  the　phenomena　of　living　that　I　suppose　on　the　whole　it　would　be　less
  trouble　to　think　of　hi