第 9 节
作者:爱之冰点      更新:2021-02-19 20:34      字数:9320
  Speaking; signore; to a man of imagination; I may say that my little
  designs are not without a philosophy of their own。  Truly; I don't
  know whether the cats and monkeys imitate us; or whether it's we who
  imitate them。〃  I congratulated him on his philosophy; and he
  resumed:  〃You will do use the honour to admit that I have handled my
  subjects with delicacy。  Eh; it was needed; signore!  I have been
  free; but not too freeeh?  Just a hint; you know!  You may see as
  much or as little as you please。  These little groups; however; are
  no measure of my invention。  If you will favour me with a call at my
  studio; I think that you will admit that my combinations are really
  infinite。  I likewise execute figures to command。  You have perhaps
  some little motivethe fruit of your philosophy of life; signore
  which you would like to have interpreted。  I can promise to work it
  up to your satisfaction; it shall be as malicious as you please!
  Allow me to present you with my card; and to remind you that my
  prices are moderate。  Only sixty francs for a little group like that。
  My statuettes are as durable as bronzeaere perennius; signoreand;
  between ourselves; I think they are more amusing!〃
  As I pocketed his card I glanced at Madonna Serafina; wondering
  whether she had an eye for contrasts。  She had picked up one of the
  little couples and was tenderly dusting it with a feather broom。
  What I had just seen and heard had so deepened my compassionate
  interest in my deluded friend that I took a summary leave; making my
  way directly to the house designated by this remarkable woman。  It
  was in an obscure corner of the opposite side of the town; and
  presented a sombre and squalid appearance。  An old woman in the
  doorway; on my inquiring for Theobald; ushered me in with a mumbled
  blessing and an expression of relief at the poor gentleman having a
  friend。  His lodging seemed to consist of a single room at the top of
  the house。  On getting no answer to my knock; I opened the door;
  supposing that he was absent; so that it gave me a certain shock to
  find him sitting there helpless and dumb。  He was seated near the
  single window; facing an easel which supported a large canvas。  On my
  entering he looked up at me blankly; without changing his position;
  which was that of absolute lassitude and dejection; his arms loosely
  folded; his legs stretched before him; his head hanging on his
  breast。  Advancing into the room I perceived that his face vividly
  corresponded with his attitude。  He was pale; haggard; and unshaven;
  and his dull and sunken eye gazed at me without a spark of
  recognition。  I had been afraid that he would greet me with fierce
  reproaches; as the cruelly officious patron who had turned his
  contentment to bitterness; and I was relieved to find that my
  appearance awakened no visible resentment。  〃Don't you know me?〃 I
  asked; as I put out my hand。  〃Have you already forgotten me?〃
  He made no response; kept his position stupidly; and left me staring
  about the room。  It spoke most plaintively for itself。  Shabby;
  sordid; naked; it contained; beyond the wretched bed; but the
  scantiest provision for personal comfort。  It was bedroom at once and
  studioa grim ghost of a studio。  A few dusty casts and prints on
  the walls; three or four old canvases turned face inward; and a
  rusty…looking colour…box; formed; with the easel at the window; the
  sum of its appurtenances。  The place savoured horribly of poverty。
  Its only wealth was the picture on the easel; presumably the famous
  Madonna。  Averted as this was from the door; I was unable to see its
  face; but at last; sickened by the vacant misery of the spot; I
  passed behind Theobald; eagerly and tenderly。  I can hardly say that
  I was surprised at what I founda canvas that was a mere dead blank;
  cracked and discoloured by time。  This was his immortal work!  Though
  not surprised; I confess I was powerfully moved; and I think that for
  five minutes I could not have trusted myself to speak。  At last my
  silent nearness affected him; he stirred and turned; and then rose
  and looked at me with a slowly kindling eye。  I murmured some kind
  ineffective nothings about his being ill and needing advice and care;
  but he seemed absorbed in the effort to recall distinctly what had
  last passed between us。  〃You were right;〃 he said; with a pitiful
  smile; 〃I am a dawdler!  I am a failure!  I shall do nothing more in
  this world。  You opened my eyes; and; though the truth is bitter; I
  bear you no grudge。  Amen!  I have been sitting here for a week; face
  to face with the truth; with the past; with my weakness and poverty
  and nullity。  I shall never touch a brush!  I believe I have neither
  eaten nor slept。  Look at that canvas!〃 he went on; as I relieved my
  emotion in an urgent request that he would come home with me and
  dine。  〃That was to have contained my masterpiece!  Isn't it a
  promising foundation?  The elements of it are all HERE。  And he
  tapped his forehead with that mystic confidence which had marked the
  gesture before。  〃If I could only transpose them into some brain that
  has the hand; the will!  Since I have been sitting here taking stock
  of my intellects; I have come to believe that I have the material for
  a hundred masterpieces。  But my hand is paralysed now; and they will
  never be painted。  I never began!  I waited and waited to be worthier
  to begin; and wasted my life in preparation。  While I fancied my
  creation was growing it was dying。  I have taken it all too hard!
  Michael Angelo didn't; when he went at the Lorenzo!  He did his best
  at a venture; and his venture is immortal。  THAT'S mine!〃  And he
  pointed with a gesture I shall never forget at the empty canvas。  〃I
  suppose we are a genus by ourselves in the providential schemewe
  talents that can't act; that can't do nor dare!  We take it out in
  talk; in plans and promises; in study; in visions!  But our visions;
  let me tell you;〃 he cried; with a toss of his head; 〃have a way of
  being brilliant; and a man has not lived in vain who has seen the
  things I have seen!  Of course you will not believe in them when that
  bit of worm…eaten cloth is all I have to show for them; but to
  convince you; to enchant and astound the world; I need only the hand
  of Raphael。  His brain I already have。  A pity; you will say; that I
  haven't his modesty!  Ah; let me boast and babble now; it's all I
  have left!  I am the half of a genius!  Where in the wide world is my
  other half?  Lodged perhaps in the vulgar soul; the cunning; ready
  fingers of some dull copyist or some trivial artisan; who turns out
  by the dozen his easy prodigies of touch!  But it's not for me to
  sneer at him; he at least does something。  He's not a dawdler!  Well
  for me if I had been vulgar and clever and reckless; if I could have
  shut my eyes and taken my leap。〃
  What to say to the poor fellow; what to do for him; seemed hard to
  determine; I chiefly felt that I must break the spell of his present
  inaction; and remove him from the haunted atmosphere of the little
  room it was such a cruel irony to call a studio。  I cannot say I
  persuaded him to come out with me; he simply suffered himself to be
  led; and when we began to walk in the open air I was able to
  appreciate his pitifully weakened condition。  Nevertheless; he seemed
  in a certain way to revive; and murmured at last that he should like
  to go to the Pitti Gallery。  I shall never forget our melancholy
  stroll through those gorgeous halls; every picture on whose walls
  seemed; even to my own sympathetic vision; to glow with a sort of
  insolent renewal of strength and lustre。  The eyes and lips of the
  great portraits appeared to smile in ineffable scorn of the dejected
  pretender who had dreamed of competing with their triumphant authors;
  the celestial candour; even; of the Madonna of the Chair; as we
  paused in perfect silence before her; was tinged with the sinister
  irony of the women of Leonardo。  Perfect silence; indeed; marked our
  whole progressthe silence of a deep farewell; for I felt in all my
  pulses; as Theobald; leaning on my arm; dragged one heavy foot after
  the other; that he was looking his last。  When we came out he was so
  exhausted that instead of taking him to my hotel to dine; I called a
  carriage and drove him straight to his own poor lodging。  He had sunk
  into an extraordinary lethargy; he lay back in the carriage; with his
  eyes closed; as pale as death; his faint breathing interrupted at
  intervals by a sudden gasp; like a smothered sob or a vain attempt to
  speak。  With the help of the old woman who had admitted me before;
  and who emerged from a dark back court; I contrived to lead him up
  the long steep staircase and lay him on his wretched bed。  To her I
  gave him in charge; while I prepared in all haste to seek a
  physician。  But she followed me out of the room with a pitiful
  clasping of her hands。
  〃Poor; dear; blessed gentleman;〃 she murmured; 〃is he dying?〃