第 138 节
作者:左思右想      更新:2021-02-19 19:48      字数:9322
  says one。  〃Be off;〃 says another fiercely。  Three…and…sixpence
  has been spent in vainthe screens retire to Miss
  Clapp's bedroom; who persists in thinking them lovely。
  She writes out a little card in her neatest hand; and
  after long thought and labour of composition; in which the
  public is informed that 〃A Lady who has some time at
  her disposal; wishes to undertake the education of some
  little girls; whom she would instruct in English; in French;
  in Geography; in History; and in Musicaddress A。  O。;
  at Mr。 Brown's〃; and she confides the card to the gentleman
  of the Fine Art Repository; who consents to allow
  it to lie upon the counter; where it grows dingy and
  fly…blown。  Amelia passes the door wistfully many a time;
  in hopes that Mr。 Brown will have some news to give
  her; but he never beckons her in。  When she goes to
  make little purchases; there is no news for her。  Poor
  simple lady; tender and weakhow are you to battle
  with the struggling violent world?
  She grows daily more care…worn and sad; fixing upon
  her child alarmed eyes; whereof the little boy cannot
  interpret the expression。  She starts up of a night and
  peeps into his room stealthily; to see that he is sleeping
  and not stolen away。  She sleeps but little now。  A
  constant thought and terror is haunting her。  How she
  weeps and prays in the long silent nightshow she tries
  to hide from herself the thought which will return to her;
  that she ought to part with the boy; that she is the only
  barrier between him and prosperity。  She can't; she can't。
  Not now; at least。  Some other day。  Oh! it is too hard to
  think of and to bear。
  A thought comes over her which makes her blush and
  turn from herselfher parents might keep the annuity
  the curate would marry her and give a home to her
  and the boy。  But George's picture and dearest memory
  are there to rebuke her。  Shame and love say no to the
  sacrifice。  She shrinks from it as from something unholy;
  and such thoughts never found a resting…place in that
  pure and gentle bosom。
  The combat; which we describe in a sentence or two;
  lasted for many weeks in poor Amelia's heart; during
  which she had no confidante; indeed; she could never
  have one; as she would not allow to herself the
  possibility of yielding; though she was giving way daily
  before the enemy with whom she had to battle。  One truth
  after another was marshalling itself silently against her
  and keeping its ground。  Poverty and misery for all; want
  and degradation for her parents; injustice to the boy
  one by one the outworks of the little citadel were taken;
  in which the poor soul passionately guarded her only
  love and treasure。
  At the beginning of the struggle; she had written off a
  letter of tender supplication to her brother at Calcutta;
  imploring him not to withdraw the support which he had
  granted to their parents and painting in terms of artless
  pathos their lonely and hapless condition。  She did not
  know the truth of the matter。  The payment of Jos's
  annuity was still regular; but it was a money…lender in the
  City who was receiving it:  old Sedley had sold it for a
  sum of money wherewith to prosecute his bootless
  schemes。  Emmy was calculating eagerly the time that
  would elapse before the letter would arrive and be
  answered。  She had written down the date in her pocket…
  book of the day when she dispatched it。  To her son's
  guardian; the good Major at Madras; she had not
  communicated any of her griefs and perplexities。  She had
  not written to him since she wrote to congratulate him on
  his approaching marriage。  She thought with sickening
  despondency; that that friendthe only one; the one
  who had felt such a regard for herwas fallen away。
  One day; when things had come to a very bad pass
  when the creditors were pressing; the mother in
  hysteric grief; the father in more than usual gloom; the
  inmates of the family avoiding each other; each secretly
  oppressed with his private unhappiness and notion of
  wrongthe father and daughter happened to be left
  alone together; and Amelia thought to comfort her father
  by telling him what she had done。  She had written to
  Josephan answer must come in three or four months。
  He was always generous; though careless。  He could not
  refuse; when he knew how straitened were the
  circumstances of his parents。
  Then the poor old gentleman revealed the whole truth
  to herthat his son was still paying the annuity; which
  his own imprudence had flung away。  He had not dared
  to tell it sooner。  He thought Amelia's ghastly and terrified
  look; when; with a trembling; miserable voice he made
  the confession; conveyed reproaches to him for his
  concealment。  〃Ah!〃 said he with quivering lips and turning
  away; 〃you despise your old father now!〃
  〃Oh; papal it is not that;〃 Amelia cried out; falling
  on his neck and kissing him many times。  〃You are
  always good and kind。  You did it for the best。  It is not
  for the moneyit ismy God! my God! have mercy
  upon me; and give me strength to bear this trial〃; and
  she kissed him again wildly and went away。
  Still the father did not know what that explanation
  meant; and the burst of anguish with which the poor
  girl left him。  It was that she was conquered。  The sentence
  was passed。  The child must go from herto othersto
  forget her。  Her heart and her treasureher joy; hope;
  love; worshipher God; almost!  She must give him up;
  and thenand then she would go to George; and they
  would watch over the child and wait for him until he
  came to them in Heaven。
  She put on her bonnet; scarcely knowing what she did;
  and went out to walk in the lanes by which George used
  to come back from school; and where she was in the
  habit of going on his return to meet the boy。  It was
  May; a half…holiday。  The leaves were all coming out;
  the weather was brilliant; the boy came running to her
  flushed with health; singing; his bundle of school…books
  hanging by a thong。  There he was。  Both her arms were
  round him。  No; it was impossible。  They could not be
  going to part。  〃What is the matter; Mother?〃 said he;
  〃you look very pale。〃
  〃Nothing; my child;〃 she said and stooped down and
  kissed him。
  That night Amelia made the boy read the story of
  Samuel to her; and how Hannah; his mother; having
  weaned him; brought him to Eli the High Priest to
  minister before the Lord。  And he read the song of gratitude
  which Hannah sang; and which says; who it is who
  maketh poor and maketh rich; and bringeth low and
  exaltethhow the poor shall be raised up out of the
  dust; and how; in his own might; no man shall be strong。
  Then he read how Samuel's mother made him a little
  coat and brought it to him from year to year when she
  came up to offer the yearly sacrifice。  And then; in her
  sweet simple way; George's mother made commentaries
  to the boy upon this affecting story。  How Hannah; though
  she loved her son so much; yet gave him up because
  of her vow。  And how she must always have thought of
  him as she sat at home; far away; making the little
  coat; and Samuel; she was sure; never forgot his mother;
  and how happy she must have been as the time came
  (and the years pass away very quick) when she should
  see her boy and how good and wise he had grown。  This
  little sermon she spoke with a gentle solemn voice; and
  dry eyes; until she came to the account of their
  meetingthen the discourse broke off suddenly; the tender
  heart overflowed; and taking the boy to her breast; she
  rocked him in her arms and wept silently over him in
  a sainted agony of tears。
  Her mind being made up; the widow began to take
  such measures as seemed right to her for advancing the
  end which she proposed。  One day; Miss Osborne; in
  Russell Square (Amelia had not written the name or number
  of the house for ten yearsher youth; her early story
  came back to her as she wrote the superscription) one
  day Miss Osborne got a letter from Amelia which made
  her blush very much and look towards her father; sitting
  glooming in his place at the other end of the table。
  In simple terms; Amelia told her the reasons which
  had induced her to change her mind respecting her boy。
  Her father had met with fresh misfortunes which had
  entirely ruined him。  Her own pittance was so small that
  it would barely enable her to support her parents and
  would not suffice to give George the advantages which
  were his due。  Great as her sufferings would be at parting
  with him she would; by God's help; endure them for the
  boy's sake。  She knew that those to whom he was going
  would do all in their power to make him happy。  She
  described his disposition; such as she fancied itquick
  and impatient of control or harshness; easily to be moved
  by love and kindness。  In a postscript; she stipulated that
  she should have a written agreement; that she should
  see the child as often as she wishedshe could not
  part with him under any other terms。
  〃What? Mrs。 Pride has come down; has she?〃 old
  Osborne said; when with a tremulous eager voice Miss
  Osborne read him the letter。  〃Reg'lar starved out; hey?
  Ha; ha!  I knew she would。〃 He tried to keep his dignity
  and to read his paper as usualbut he could not follow
  it。  He chuckled and swore to himself behind the sheet。
  At last he flung it down and; scowling at hi