Vanity　Fair
  by　William　Makepeace　Thackeray
  BEFORE　THE　CURTAIN
  As　the　manager　of　the　Performance　sits　before　the　curtain
  on　the　boards　and　looks　into　the　Fair；　a　feeling　of　profound
  melancholy　comes　over　him　in　his　survey　of　the　bustling　place。
  There　is　a　great　quantity　of　eating　and　drinking；　making　love
  and　jilting；　laughing　and　the　contrary；　smoking；　cheating；
  fighting；　dancing　and　fiddling；　there　are　bullies　pushing　about；
  bucks　ogling　the　women；　knaves　picking　pockets；　policemen
  on　the　look…out；　quacks　（OTHER　quacks；　plague　take　them！）
  bawling　in　front　of　their　booths；　and　yokels　looking　up　at
  the　tinselled　dancers　and　poor　old　rouged　tumblers；　while　the
  light…fingered　folk　are　operating　upon　their　pockets　behind。
  Yes；　this　is　VANITY　FAIR；　not　a　moral　place　certainly；　nor　a
  merry　one；　though　very　noisy。　　Look　at　the　faces　of　the　actors
  and　buffoons　when　they　come　off　from　their　business；　and
  Tom　Fool　washing　the　paint　off　his　cheeks　before　he　sits　down
  to　dinner　with　his　wife　and　the　little　Jack　Puddings　behind
  the　canvas。　　　The　curtain　will　be　up　presently；　and　he　will　be
  turning　over　head　and　heels；　and　crying；　〃How　are　you？〃
  A　man　with　a　reflective　turn　of　mind；　walking　through　an
  exhibition　of　this　sort；　will　not　be　oppressed；　I　take　it；　by　his
  own　or　other　people's　hilarity。　　　An　episode　of　humour　or　kindness
  touches　and　amuses　him　here　and　therea　pretty　child
  looking　at　a　gingerbread　stall；　a　pretty　girl　blushing　whilst　her
  lover　talks　to　her　and　chooses　her　fairing；　poor　Tom　Fool；
  yonder　behind　the　waggon；　mumbling　his　bone　with　the　honest
  family　which　lives　by　his　tumbling；　but　the　general　impression
  is　one　more　melancholy　than　mirthful。　　When　you　come　home
  you　sit　down　in　a　sober；　contemplative；　not　uncharitable　frame
  of　mind；　and　apply　yourself　to　your　books　or　your　business。
  I　have　no　other　moral　than　this　to　tag　to　the　present　story
  of　〃Vanity　Fair。〃　Some　people　consider　Fairs　immoral　altogether；
  and　eschew　such；　with　their　servants　and　families：　very
  likely　they　are　right。　　But　persons　who　think　otherwise；　and　are
  of　a　lazy；　or　a　benevolent；　or　a　sarcastic　mood；　may　perhaps
  like　to　step　in　for　half　an　hour；　and　look　at　the　performances。
  There　are　scenes　of　all　sorts；　some　dreadful　combats；　some
  grand　and　lofty　horse…riding；　some　scenes　of　high　life；　and
  some　of　very　middling　indeed；　some　love…making　for　the
  sentimental；　and　some　light　comic　business；　the　whole
  accompanied　by　appropriate　scenery　and　brilliantly　illuminated
  with　the　Author's　own　candles。
  What　more　has　the　Manager　of　the　Performance　to　say？
  To　acknowledge　the　kindness　with　which　it　has　been　received
  in　all　the　principal　towns　of　England　through　which　the　Show
  has　passed；　and　where　it　has　been　most　favourably　noticed　by
  the　respected　conductors　of　the　public　Press；　and　by　the　Nobility
  and　Gentry。　　He　is　proud　to　think　that　his　Puppets　have　given
  satisfaction　to　the　very　best　company　in　this　empire。　　The
  famous　little　Becky　Puppet　has　been　pronounced　to　be　uncommonly
  flexible　in　the　joints；　and　lively　on　the　wire；　the　Amelia
  Doll；　though　it　has　had　a　smaller　circle　of　admirers；　has　yet
  been　carved　and　dressed　with　the　greatest　care　by　the　artist；　the
  Dobbin　Figure；　though　apparently　clumsy；　yet　dances　in　a　very
  amusing　and　natural　manner；　the　Little　Boys'　Dance　has　been
  liked　by　some；　and　please　to　remark　the　richly　dressed　figure
  of　the　Wicked　Nobleman；　on　which　no　expense　has　been
  spared；　and　which　Old　Nick　will　fetch　away　at　the　end　of　this
  singular　performance。
  And　with　this；　and　a　profound　bow　to　his　patrons；　the
  Manager　retires；　and　the　curtain　rises。
  LONDON；　June　28；　1848
  Chapter　1
  Chiswick　Mall
  While　the　present　century　was　in　its　teens；　and　on　one
  sunshiny　morning　in　June；　there　drove　up　to　the　great
  iron　gate　of　Miss　Pinkerton's　academy　for　young　ladies；
  on　Chiswick　Mall；　a　large　family　coach；　with　two　fat
  horses　in　blazing　harness；　driven　by　a　fat　coachman　in
  a　three…cornered　hat　and　wig；　at　the　rate　of　four　miles
  an　hour。　　A　black　servant；　who　reposed　on　the　box　beside
  the　fat　coachman；　uncurled　his　bandy　legs　as　soon　as
  the　equipage　drew　up　opposite　Miss　Pinkerton's　shining
  brass　plate；　and　as　he　pulled　the　bell　at　least　a　score　of
  young　heads　were　seen　peering　out　of　the　narrow　windows
  of　the　stately　old　brick　house。　　Nay；　the　acute　observer　might
  have　recognized　the　little　red　nose　of　good…natured　Miss
  Jemima　Pinkerton　herself；　rising　over　some　geranium　pots
  in　the　window　of　that　lady's　own　drawing…room。
  〃It　is　Mrs。　Sedley's　coach；　sister；〃　said　Miss　Jemima。
  〃Sambo；　the　black　servant；　has　just　rung　the　bell；　and
  the　coachman　has　a　new　red　waistcoat。〃
  〃Have　you　completed　all　the　necessary　preparations
  incident　to　Miss　Sedley's　departure；　Miss　Jemima？〃　asked
  Miss　Pinkerton　herself；　that　majestic　lady；　the　Semiramis
  of　Hammersmith；　the　friend　of　Doctor　Johnson；　the
  correspondent　of　Mrs。　Chapone　herself。
  〃The　girls　were　up　at　four　this　morning；　packing　her
  trunks；　sister；〃　replied　Miss　Jemima；　〃we　have　made　her
  a　bow…pot。〃
  〃Say　a　bouquet；　sister　Jemima；　'tis　more　genteel。〃
  〃Well；　a　booky　as　big　almost　as　a　haystack；　I　have　put
  up　two　bottles　of　the　gillyflower　water　for　Mrs。　Sedley；
  and　the　receipt　for　making　it；　in　Amelia's　box。〃
  〃And　I　trust；　Miss　Jemima；　you　have　made　a　copy　of
  Miss　Sedley's　account。　　This　is　it；　is　it？　Very　goodninety…
  three　pounds；　four　shillings。　　Be　kind　enough　to　address　it
  to　John　Sedley；　Esquire；　and　to　seal　this　billet　which　I
  have　written　to　his　lady。〃
  In　Miss　Jemima's　eyes　an　autograph　letter　of　her　sister；
  Miss　Pinkerton；　was　an　object　of　as　deep　veneration　as
  would　have　been　a　letter　from　a　sovereign。　　Only　when
  her　pupils　quitted　the　establishment；　or　when　they　were
  about　to　be　married；　and　once；　when　poor　Miss　Birch
  died　of　the　scarlet　fever；　was　Miss　Pinkerton　known　to
  write　personally　to　the　parents　of　her　pupils；　and　it　was
  Jemima's　opinion　that　if　anything　could　console　Mrs。
  Birch　for　her　daughter's　loss；　it　would　be　that　pious　and
  eloquent　composition　in　which　Miss　Pinkerton　announced
  the　event。
  In　the　present　instance　Miss　Pinkerton's　〃billet〃　was
  to　the　following　effect：
  The　Mall；　Chiswick；　June　15；　18
  MADAM；After　her　six　years'　residence　at　the　Mall；　I
  have　the　honour　and　happiness　of　presenting　Miss　Amelia
  Sedley　to　her　parents；　as　a　young　lady　not　unworthy
  to　occupy　a　fitting　position　in　their　polished　and　refined
  circle。　　Those　virtues　which　characterize　the　young　English
  gentlewoman；　those　accomplishments　which　become
  her　birth　and　station；　will　not　be　found　wanting　in　the
  amiable　Miss　Sedley；　whose　INDUSTRY　and　OBEDIENCE
  have　endeared　her　to　her　instructors；　and　whose　delightful
  sweetness　of　temper　has　charmed　her　AGED　and　her
  YOUTHFUL　companions。
  In　music；　in　dancing；　in　orthography；　in　every　variety
  of　embroidery　and　needlework；　she　will　be　found　to
  have　realized　her　friends'　fondest　wishes。　　In　geography
  there　is　still　much　to　be　desired；　and　a　careful　and
  undeviating　use　of　the　backboard；　for　four　hours　daily
  during　the　next　three　years；　is　recommended　as　necessary
  to　the　acquirement　of　that　dignified　DEPORTMENT　AND
  CARRIAGE；　so　requisite　for　every　young　lady　of　fashion。
  In　the　principles　of　religion　and　morality；　Miss　Sedley
  will　be　found　worthy　of　an　establishment　which　has
  been　honoured　by　the　presence　of　THE　GREAT　LEXICOGRAPHER；
  and　the　patronage　of　the　admirable　Mrs。　Chapone。　　In　leaving
  the　Mall；　Miss　Amelia　carries　with　her　the　hearts　of　her
  companions；　and　the　affectionate　regards　of　her　mistress；
  who　has　the　honour　to　subscribe　herself；
  Madam；
  Your　most　obliged　humble　servant；
  BARBARA　PINKERTON
  P。S。Miss　Sharp　accompanies　Miss　Sedley。　　It　is　particularly
  requested　that　Miss　Sharp's　stay　in　Russell　Square　may　not
  exceed　ten　days。　　The　family　of　distinction　with　whom　she　is
  engaged；　desire　to　avail　themselves　of　her　services　as　soon
  as　possible。
  This　letter　completed；　Miss　Pinkerton　proceeded　to
  write　her　own　name；　and　Miss　Sedley's；　in　the　fly…leaf　of
  a　Johnson's　Dictionarythe　interesting　work　which　she
  invariably　presented　to　her　scholars；　on　their　departure
  from　the　Mall。　　On　the　cover　was　inserted　a　copy　of　〃Lines
  addressed　to　a　young　lady　on　quitting　Miss　Pinkerton's
  school；　at　the　Mall；　by　the　late　revered　Doctor　Samuel
  Johnson。〃　In　fact；　the　Lexicographer's　name　was　always
  on　the　lips　of　this　majestic　woman；　and　a　visit　he　had
  paid　to　her　was　the　cause　of　her　reputation　and　her　fortune。
  Being　commanded　by　her　elder　sister　to　get　〃the　Dictionary〃
  from　the　cupboard；　Miss　Jemima　had　extracted　two　copies
  of　the　book　from　the　receptacle　in　question。　　When　Miss
  Pinkerton　had　finished　the　inscription　in　the　first；　Jemima；
  with　rather　a　dubious　and　timid　air；　handed　her　the　second。
  〃For　whom　is　this；　Miss　Jemima？〃　said　Miss　Pinkerton；
  with　awful　coldness。
  〃For　Becky　Sharp；〃　answered　Jemima；　trembling　very
  much；　and　blushing　over　her　withered　face　and　neck；　as
  she　turned　her　back　on　her　sister。　　〃For　Becky　Sharp：
  she's　going　too。〃
  〃MISS　JEMIMA！〃　exclaimed　Miss　Pinkerton；　in　the
  largest　capitals。　　〃Are　you　in　your　senses？　Replace　the
  Dixonary　in　the　closet；　and　never　venture　to　take　such
  a　liberty　in　future。〃
  〃