第 25 节
作者:点绛唇      更新:2021-02-19 16:49      字数:9322
  looking in his face with an expression of unfeigned concern; 〃you
  were at work of some kind; I know; and I have very selfishly
  thought only of myself。  But the whole scene was so new to me; and
  I so rarely meet any one who sees things as I do; that I know you
  will forgive me。〃  She bent her eyes upon him with a certain soft
  timidity。  〃You are an artist?〃
  〃I am afraid not;〃 he said; coloring and smiling faintly; 〃I don't
  think I could draw a straight line。〃
  〃Don't try to; they're not pretty; and the mere ability to draw
  them straight or curved doesn't make an artist。  But you are a
  LOVER of nature; I know; and from what I have heard you say I
  believe you can do what lovers cannot do;make others feel as they
  do;and that is what I call being an artist。  You write?  You are
  a poet?〃
  〃Oh dear; no;〃 he said with a smile; half of relief and half of
  naive superiority; 〃I'm a prose writeron a daily newspaper。〃
  To his surprise she was not disconcerted; rather a look of
  animation lit up her face as she said brightly; 〃Oh; then; you can
  of course satisfy my curiosity about something。  You know the road
  from San Francisco to the Cliff House。  Except for the view of the
  sea…lions when one gets there it's stupid; my brother says it's
  like all the San Francisco excursions;a dusty drive with a julep
  at the end of it。  Well; one day we were coming back from a drive
  there; and when we were beginning to wind along the brow of that
  dreadful staring Lone Mountain Cemetery; I said I would get out and
  walk; and avoid the obtrusive glitter of those tombstones rising
  before me all the way。  I pushed open a little gate and passed in。
  Once among these funereal shrubs and cold statuesque lilies
  everything was changed; I saw the staring tombstones no longer;
  for; like them; I seemed to be always facing the sea。  The road had
  vanished; everything had vanished but the endless waste of ocean
  below me; and the last slope of rock and sand。  It seemed to be the
  fittest place for a cemetery;this end of the crumbling earth;
  this beginning of the eternal sea。  There! don't think that idea my
  own; or that I thought of it then。  No;I read it all afterwards;
  and that's why I'm telling you this。〃
  She could not help smiling at his now attentive face; and went on:
  〃Some days afterwards I got hold of a newspaper four or six months
  old; and there was a description of all that I thought I had seen
  and felt;only far more beautiful and touching; as you shall see;
  for I cut it out of the paper and have kept it。  It seemed to me
  that it must be some personal experience;as if the writer had
  followed some dear friend there;although it was with the
  unostentation and indefiniteness of true and delicate feeling。  It
  impressed me so much that I went back there twice or thrice; and
  always seemed to move to the rhythm of that beautiful funeral
  marchand I am afraid; being a woman; that I wandered around among
  the graves as though I could find out who it was that had been sung
  so sweetly; and if it were man or woman。  I've got it here;〃 she
  said; taking a dainty ivory porte…monnaie from her pocket and
  picking out with two slim finger…tips a folded slip of newspaper;
  〃and I thought that maybe you might recognize the style of the
  writer; and perhaps know something of his history。  For I believe
  he has one。  There! that is only a part of the article; of course;
  but it is the part that interested me。  Just read from there;〃 she
  pointed; leaning partly over his shoulder so that her soft breath
  stirred his hair; 〃to the end; it isn't long。〃
  In the film that seemed to come across his eyes; suddenly the print
  appeared blurred and indistinct。  But he knew that she had put into
  his hand something he had written after the death of his wife;
  something spontaneous and impulsive; when her loss still filled his
  days and nights and almost unconsciously swayed his pen。  He
  remembered that his eyes had been as dim when he wrote itand now
  handed to him by this smiling; well…to…do woman; he was as shocked
  at first as if he had suddenly found her reading his private
  letters。  This was followed by a sudden sense of shame that he had
  ever thus publicly bared his feelings; and then by the illogical
  but irresistible conviction that it was false and stupid。  The few
  phrases she had pointed out appeared as cheap and hollow rhetoric
  amid the surroundings of their social tete…a…tete over the
  luncheon…table。  There was small danger that this heady wine of
  woman's praise would make him betray himself; there was no sign of
  gratified authorship in his voice as he quietly laid down the paper
  and said dryly: 〃I am afraid I can't help you。  You know it may be
  purely fanciful。〃
  〃I don't think so;〃 said Mrs。 Ashwood thoughtfully。  〃At the same
  time it doesn't strike me as a very abiding grief for that very
  reason。  It's TOO sympathetic。  It strikes me that it might be the
  first grief of some one too young to be inured to sorrow or
  experienced enough to accept it as the common lot。  But like all
  youthful impressions it is very sincere and true while it lasts。  I
  don't know whether one gets anything more real when one gets
  older。〃
  With an insincerity he could not account for; he now felt inclined
  to defend his previous sentiment; although all the while conscious
  of a certain charm in his companion's graceful skepticism。  He had
  in his truthfulness and independence hitherto always been quite
  free from that feeble admiration of cynicism which attacks the
  intellectually weak and immature; and his present predilection may
  have been due more to her charming personality。  She was not at all
  like his sisters; she had none of Clementina's cold abstraction;
  and none of Euphemia's sharp and demonstrative effusiveness。  And
  in his secret consciousness of her flattering foreknowledge of him;
  with her assurance that before they had ever met he had unwittingly
  influenced her; he began to feel more at his ease。  His fair
  companion also; in the equally secret knowledge she had acquired of
  his history; felt as secure as if she had been formally introduced。
  Nobody could find fault with her for showing civility to the
  ostensible son of her host; it was not necessary that she should be
  aware of their family differences。  There was a charm too in their
  enforced isolation; in what was the exceptional solitude of the
  little hotel that day; and the seclusion of their table by the
  window of the dining…room; which gave a charming domesticity to
  their repast。  From time to time they glanced down the lonely
  canyon; losing itself in the afternoon shadow。  Nevertheless Mrs。
  Ashwood's preoccupation with Nature did not preclude a human
  curiosity to hear something more of John Milton's quarrel with his
  father。  There was certainly nothing of the prodigal son about him;
  there was no precocious evil knowledge in his frank eyes; no record
  of excesses in his healthy; fresh complexion; no unwholesome or
  disturbed tastes in what she had seen of his rural preferences and
  understanding of natural beauty。  To have attempted any direct
  questioning that would have revealed his name and identity would
  have obliged her to speak of herself as his father's guest。  She
  began indirectly; he had said he had been a reporter; and he was
  still a chronicler of this strange life。  He had of course heard of
  many cases of family feuds and estrangements?  Her brother had told
  her of some dreadful vendettas he had known in the Southwest; and
  how whole families had been divided。  Since she had been here she
  had heard of odd cases of brothers meeting accidentally after long
  and unaccounted separations; of husbands suddenly confronted with
  wives they had deserted; of fathers encountering discarded sons!
  John Milton's face betrayed no uneasy consciousness。  If anything
  it was beginning to glow with a boyish admiration of the grace and
  intelligence of the fair speaker; that was perhaps heightened by an
  assumption of half coquettish discomfiture。
  〃You are laughing at me!〃 she said finally。  〃But inhuman and
  selfish as these stories may seem; and sometimes are; I believe
  that these curious estrangements and separations often come from
  some fatal weakness of temperament that might be strengthened; or
  some trivial misunderstanding that could be explained。  It is
  separation that makes them seem irrevocable only because they are
  inexplicable; and a vague memory always seems more terrible than a
  definite one。  Facts may be forgiven and forgotten; but mysteries
  haunt one always。  I believe there are weak; sensitive people who
  dread to put their wrongs into shape; those are the kind who sulk;
  and when you add separation to sulking; reconciliation becomes
  impossible。  I knew a very singular case of that kind once。  If you
  like; I'll tell it to you。  May be you will be able; some day; to
  weave it into one of your writings。  And it's quite true。〃
  It is har