which　preceded　the　hour　when　the　man…of…all…work　took　us　to　the
  Charlemagne　Lyceum；　the　well…to…do　pupils　used　to　breakfast　with　the
  porter；　named　Doisy。　Monsieur　Lepitre　was　either　ignorant　of　the　fact
  or　he　connived　at　this　arrangement　with　Doisy；　a　regular　smuggler　whom
  it　was　the　pupils'　interest　to　protect；he　being　the　secret　guardian
  of　their　pranks；　the　safe　confidant　of　their　late　returns　and　their
  intermediary　for　obtaining　forbidden　books。　Breakfast　on　a　cup　of
  〃cafe…au…lait〃　is　an　aristocratic　habit；　explained　by　the　high　prices
  to　which　colonial　products　rose　under　Napoleon。　If　the　use　of　sugar
  and　coffee　was　a　luxury　to　our　parents；　with　us　it　was　the　sign　of
  self…conscious　superiority。　Doisy　gave　credit；　for　he　reckoned　on　the
  sisters　and　aunts　of　the　pupils；　who　made　it　a　point　of　honor　to　pay
  their　debts。　I　resisted　the　blandishments　of　his　place　for　a　long
  time。　If　my　judges　knew　the　strength　of　its　seduction；　the　heroic
  efforts　I　made　after　stoicism；　the　repressed　desires　of　my　long
  resistance；　they　would　pardon　my　final　overthrow。　But；　child　as　I　was；
  could　I　have　the　grandeur　of　soul　that　scorns　the　scorn　of　others？
  Moreover；　I　may　have　felt　the　promptings　of　several　social　vices　whose
  power　was　increased　by　my　longings。
  About　the　end　of　the　second　year　my　father　and　mother　came　to　Paris。
  My　brother　had　written　me　the　day　of　their　arrival。　He　lived　in　Paris；
  but　had　never　been　to　see　me。　My　sisters；　he　said；　were　of　the　party；
  we　were　all　to　see　Paris　together。　The　first　day　we　were　to　dine　in
  the　Palais…Royal；　so　as　to　be　near　the　Theatre…Francais。　In　spite　of
  the　intoxication　such　a　programme　of　unhoped…for　delights　excited；　my
  joy　was　dampened　by　the　wind　of　a　coming　storm；　which　those　who　are
  used　to　unhappiness　apprehend　instinctively。　I　was　forced　to　own　a
  debt　of　a　hundred　francs　to　the　Sieur　Doisy；　who　threatened　to　ask　my
  parents　himself　for　the　money。　I　bethought　me　of　making　my　brother　the
  emissary　of　Doisy；　the　mouth…piece　of　my　repentance　and　the　mediator
  of　pardon。　My　father　inclined　to　forgiveness；　but　my　mother　was
  pitiless；　her　dark　blue　eye　froze　me；　she　fulminated　cruel　prophecies：
  〃What　should　I　be　later　if　at　seventeen　years　of　age　I　committed　such
  follies？　Was　I　really　a　son　of　hers？　Did　I　mean　to　ruin　my　family？　Did
  I　think　myself　the　only　child　of　the　house？　My　brother　Charles's
  career；　already　begun；　required　large　outlay；　amply　deserved　by　his
  conduct　which　did　honor　to　the　family；　while　mine　would　always
  disgrace　it。　Did　I　know　nothing　of　the　value　of　money；　and　what　I　cost
  them？　Of　what　use　were　coffee　and　sugar　to　my　education？　Such　conduct
  was　the　first　step　into　all　the　vices。〃
  After　enduring　the　shock　of　this　torrent　which　rasped　my　soul；　I　was
  sent　back　to　school　in　charge　of　my　brother。　I　lost　the　dinner　at　the
  Freres　Provencaux；　and　was　deprived　of　seeing　Talma　in　Britannicus。
  Such　was　my　first　interview　with　my　mother　after　a　separation　of
  twelve　years。
  When　I　had　finished　school　my　father　left　me　under　the　guardianship　of
  Monsieur　Lepitre。　I　was　to　study　the　higher　mathematics；　follow　a
  course　of　law　for　one　year；　and　begin　philosophy。　Allowed　to　study　in
  my　own　room　and　released　from　the　classes；　I　expected　a　truce　with
  trouble。　But；　in　spite　of　my　nineteen　years；　perhaps　because　of　them；
  my　father　persisted　in　the　system　which　had　sent　me　to　school　without
  food；　to　an　academy　without　pocket…money；　and　had　driven　me　into　debt
  to　Doisy。　Very　little　money　was　allowed　to　me；　and　what　can　you　do　in
  Paris　without　money？　Moreover；　my　freedom　was　carefully　chained　up。
  Monsieur　Lepitre　sent　me　to　the　law　school　accompanied　by　a　man…of…
  all…work　who　handed　me　over　to　the　professor　and　fetched　me　home
  again。　A　young　girl　would　have　been　treated　with　less　precaution　than
  my　mother's　fears　insisted　on　for　me。　Paris　alarmed　my　parents；　and
  justly。　Students　are　secretly　engaged　in　the　same　occupation　which
  fills　the　minds　of　young　ladies　in　their　boarding…schools。　Do　what　you
  will；　nothing　can　prevent　the　latter　from　talking　of　lovers；　or　the
  former　of　women。　But　in　Paris；　and　especially　at　this　particular　time；
  such　talk　among　young　lads　was　influenced　by　the　oriental　and　sultanic
  atmosphere　and　customs　of　the　Palais…Royal。
  The　Palais…Royal　was　an　Eldorado　of　love　where　the　ingots　melted　away
  in　coin；　there　virgin　doubts　were　over；　there　curiosity　was　appeased。
  The　Palais…Royal　and　I　were　two　asymptotes　bearing　one　towards　the
  other；　yet　unable　to　meet。　Fate　miscarried　all　my　attempts。　My　father
  had　presented　me　to　one　of　my　aunts　who　lived　in　the　Ile　St。　Louis。
  With　her　I　was　to　dine　on　Sundays　and　Thursdays；　escorted　to　the　house
  by　either　Monsieur　or　Madame　Lepitre；　who　went　out　themselves　on　those
  days　and　were　to　call　for　me　on　their　way　home。　Singular　amusement　for
  a　young　lad！　My　aunt；　the　Marquise　de　Listomere；　was　a　great　lady；　of
  ceremonious　habits；　who　would　never　have　dreamed　of　offering　me　money。
  Old　as　a　cathedral；　painted　like　a　miniature；　sumptuous　in　dress；　she
  lived　in　her　great　house　as　though　Louis　XV。　were　not　dead；　and　saw
  none　but　old　women　and　men　of　a　past　day；a　fossil　society　which　made
  me　think　I　was　in　a　graveyard。　No　one　spoke　to　me　and　I　had　not　the
  courage　to　speak　first。　Cold　and　alien　looks　made　me　ashamed　of　my
  youth；　which　seemed　to　annoy　them。　I　counted　on　this　indifference　to
  aid　me　in　certain　plans；　I　was　resolved　to　escape　some　day　directly
  after　dinner　and　rush　to　the　Palais…Royal。　Once　seated　at　whist　my
  aunt　would　pay　no　attention　to　me。　Jean；　the　footman；　cared　little　for
  Monsieur　Lepitre　and　would　have　aided　me；　but　on　the　day　I　chose　for
  my　adventure　that　luckless　dinner　was　longer　than　usual；either
  because　the　jaws　employed　were　worn　out　or　the　false　teeth　more
  imperfect。　At　last；　between　eight　and　nine　o'clock；　I　reached　the
  staircase；　my　heart　beating　like　that　of　Bianca　Capello　on　the　day　of
  her　flight；　but　when　the　porter　pulled　the　cord　I　beheld　in　the　street
  before　me　Monsieur　Lepitre's　hackney…coach；　and　I　heard　his　pursy
  voice　demanding　me！
  Three　times　did　fate　interpose　between　the　hell　of　the　Palais…Royal
  and　the　heaven　of　my　youth。　On　the　day　when　I；　ashamed　at　twenty　years
  of　age　of　my　own　ignorance；　determined　to　risk　all　dangers　to　put　an
  end　to　it；　at　the　very　moment　when　I　was　about　to　run　away　from
  Monsieur　Lepitre　as　he　got　into　the　coach；a　difficult　process；　for
  he　was　as　fat　as　Louis　XVIII。　and　club…footed；well；　can　you　believe
  it；　my　mother　arrived　in　a　post…chaise！　Her　glance　arrested　me；　I
  stood　still；　like　a　bird　before　a　snake。　What　fate　had　brought　her
  there？　The　simplest　thing　in　the　world。　Napoleon　was　then　making　his
  last　efforts。　My　father；　who　foresaw　the　return　of　the　Bourbons；　had
  come　to　Paris　with　my　mother　to　advise　my　brother；　who　was　employed　in
  the　imperial　diplomatic　service。　My　mother　was　to　take　me　back　with
  her；　out　of　the　way　of　dangers　which　seemed；　to　those　who　followed　the
  march　of　events　intelligently；　to　threaten　the　capital。　In　a　few
  minutes；　as　it　were；　I　was　taken　out　of　Paris；　at　the　very　moment　when
  my　life　there　was　about　to　become　fatal　to　me。
  The　tortures　of　imagination　excited　by　repressed　desires；　the
  weariness　of　a　life　depressed　by　constant　privations　had　driven　me　to
  study；　just　as　men；　weary　of　fate；　confine　themselves　in　a　cloister。
  To　me；　study　had　become　a　passion；　which　might　even　be　fatal　to　my
  health　by　imprisoning　me　at　a　period　of　life　when　young　men　ought　to
  yield　to　the　bewitching　activities　of　their　springtide　youth。
  This　slight　sketch　of　my　boyhood；　in　which　you；　Natalie；　can　readily
  perceive　innumerable　songs　of　woe；　was　needful　to　explain　to　you　its
  influence　on　my　future　life。　At　twenty　years　of　age；　and　affected　by
  many　morbid　elements；　I　was　still　small　and　thin　and　pale。　My　soul；
  filled　with　the　will　to　do；　struggled　with　a　body　that　seemed　weakly；
  but　which；　in　the　words　of　an　old　physician　at　Tours；　was　undergoing
  its　final　fusion　into　a　temperament　of　iron。　Child　in　body　and　old　in
  mind；　I　had　read　and　thought　so　much　that　I　knew　life　metaphysically
  at　its　highest　reaches　at　the　moment　when　I　was　about　to　enter　the
  tortuous　difficulties　of　its　defiles　and　the　sandy　roads　of　its
  plains。　A　strange　chance　had　held　me　long　in　that　delightful　period
  when　the　soul　awakes　to　its　first　tumults；　to　its　desires　for　joy；　and
  the　savor　of　life　is　fresh。　I　stood　in　the　period　between　puberty　and
  manhood；the　one　prolonged　by　my　excessive　study；　the　other　tardily
  developing　its　living　shoots。　No　young　man　was　ever　more　thoroughly
  prepared　to　feel　and　to　love。　To　understand　my　history；　let　your　mind
  dwell　on　that　pure　time　of　youth　when　the　mouth　is　innocent　of
  falsehood；　when　the　glance　of　the　eye　is　honest；　though　veiled　by　lids
  which　droop　from　timidity　contradicting　desire；　when　the　soul　bends
  not　to　worldly　Jesuitism；　and　the　heart　throbs　as　violently　from