of　Hart。　　Sir　Andrew　Katz；　founder　of　the　Carabas　family
  and　banker　of　the　Prince　of　Horange；　Kneller。　　Her
  present　Ladyship；　by　Lawrence。　　Lord　St。　Michaels；　by　the
  samehe　is　represented　sittin'　on　a　rock　in　velvit
  pantaloons。　　Moses　in　the　bullrushesthe　bull　very　fine；
  by　Paul　Potter。　　The　toilet　of　Venus；　Fantaski。　　Flemish
  Bores　drinking；　Van　Ginnums。　　Jupiter　and　Europia；　de
  Horn。　　The　Grandjunction　Canal；　Venis；　by　Candleetty；　and
  Italian　Bandix；　by　Slavata　Rosa。'And　so　this　worthy
  woman　went　on；　from　one　room　into　another；　from　the　blue
  room　to　the　green；　and　the　green　to　the　grand　saloon；　and
  the　grand　saloon　to　the　tapestry　closet；　cackling　her
  list　of　pictures　and　wonders：　and　furtively　turning　up　a
  corner　of　brown　holland　to　show　the　colour　of　the　old；
  faded；　seedy；　mouldy；　dismal　hangings。
  At　last　we　came　to　her　Ladyship's　bed…room。　　In　the
  centre　of　this　dreary　apartment　there　is　a　bed　about　the
  size　of　one　of　those　whizgig　temples　in　which　the　Genius
  appears　in　a　pantomime。　　The　huge　gilt　edifice　is
  approached　by　steps；　and　so　tall；　that　it　might　be　let
  off　in　floors；　for　sleeping…rooms　for　all　the　Carabas
  family。　　An　awful　bed！　　A　murder　might　be　done　at　one　end
  of　that　bed；　and　people　sleeping　at　the　other　end　be
  ignorant　of　it。　　Gracious　powers！　fancy　little　Lord
  Carabas　in　a　nightcap　ascending　those　steps　after　putting
  out　the　candle！
  The　sight　of　that　seedy　and　solitary　splendour　was　too
  much　for　me。　　I　should　go　mad　were　I　that　lonely
  housekeeperin　those　enormous　galleriesin　that　lonely
  library；　filled　up　with　ghastly　folios　that　nobody　dares
  read；　with　an　inkstand　on　the　centre　table　like　the
  coffin　of　a　baby；　and　sad　portraits　staring　at　you　from
  the　bleak　walls　with　their　solemn　Mouldy　eyes。　　No　wonder
  that　Carabas　does　not　come　down　here　often。
  It　would　require　two　thousand　footmen　to　make　the　place
  cheerful。　　No　wonder　the　coachman　resigned　his　wig；　that
  the　masters　are　insolvent；　and　the　servants　perish　in
  this　huge　dreary　out…at…elbow　place。
  A　single　family　has　no　more　right　to　build　itself　a
  temple　of　that　sort　than　to　erect　a　Tower　of　Babel。　　Such
  a　habitation　is　not　decent　for　a　mere　mortal　man。　　But；
  after　all；　I　suppose　poor　Carabas　had　no　choice。　　Fate
  put　him　there　as　it　sent　Napoleon　to　St。　Helena。　　Suppose
  it　had　been　decreed　by　Nature　that　you　and　I　should　be
  Marquises？　　We　wouldn't　refuse；　I　suppose；　but　take
  Castle　Carabas　and　all；　with　debts；　duns；　and　mean
  makeshifts；　and　shabby　pride；　and　swindling　magnificence。
  Next　season；　when　I　read　of　Lady　Carabas's　splendid
  entertainments　in　the　MORNING　POST；　and　see　the　poor　old
  insolvent　cantering　through　the　ParkI　shall　have　a　much
  tenderer　interest　in　these　great　people　than　I　have　had
  heretofore。　　Poor　old　shabby　Snob！　　Ride　on　and　fancy　the
  world　is　still　on　its　knees　before　the　house　of　Carabas！
  Give　yourself　airs；　poor　old　bankrupt　Magnifico；　who　are
  under　money…obligations　to　your　flunkeys；　and　must　stoop
  so　as　to　swindle　poor　tradesmen！　　And　for　us；　O　my
  brother　Snobs；　oughtn't　we　to　feel　happy　if　our　walk
  through　life　is　more　even；　and　that　we　are　out　of　the
  reach　of　that　surprising　arrogance　and　that　astounding
  meanness　to　which　this　wretched　old　victim　is　obliged　to
  mount　and　descend。
  CHAPTER　XXIX
  A　VISIT　TO　SOME　COUNTRY　SNOBS
  Notable　as　my　reception　had　been　（under　that　unfortunate
  mistake　of　Mrs。　Ponto　that　I　was　related　to　Lord
  Snobbington；　which　I　was　not　permitted　to　correct）；　it
  was　nothing　compared　to　the　bowing　and　kotooing；　the
  raptures　and　flurry　which　preceded　and　welcomed　the　visit
  of　a　real　live　lord　and　lord's　son；　a　brother　officer　of
  Cornet　Wellesley　Ponto；　in　the　120th　Hussars；　who　came
  over　with　the　young　Cornet　from　Guttlebury；　where　their
  distinguished　regiment　was　quartered。　　This　was　my　Lord
  Gules；　Lord　Saltire's　grandson　and　heir：　a　very　young；
  short；　sandy…haired　and　tobacco…smoking　nobleman；　who
  cannot　have　left　the　nursery　very　long；　and　who；　though
  he　accepted　the　honest　Major's　invitation　to　the
  Evergreens　in　a　letter　written　in　a　school…boy
  handwriting；　with　a　number　of　faults　of　spelling；　may　yet
  be　a　very　fine　classical　scholar　for　what　I　know：　having
  had　his　education　at　Eton；　where　he　and　young　Ponto　were
  inseparable。
  At　any　rate；　if　he　can't　write；　he　has　mastered　a　number
  of　other　accomplishments　wonderful　for　one　of　his　age　and
  size。　　He　is　one　of　the　best　shots　and　riders　in　England。
  He　rode　his　horse　Abracadabra；　and　won　the　famous
  Guttlebury　steeple…chase。　　He　has　horses　entered　at　half
  the　races　in　the　country　（under　other　people's　names；　for
  the　old　lord　is　a　strict　hand；　and　will　not　hear　of
  betting　or　gambling）。　　He　has　lost　and　won　such　sums　of
  money　as　my　Lord　George　himself　might　be　proud　of。　　He
  knows　all　the　stables；　and　all　the　jockeys；　and　has　all
  the　'information；'　and　is　a　match　for　the　best　Leg　at
  Newmarket。　　Nobody　was　ever　known　to　be　'too　much'　for
  him　at　play　or　in　the　stable。
  Although　his　grandfather　makes　him　a　moderate　allowance；
  by　the　aid　of　POST…OBITS　and　convenient　friends　he　can
  live　in　a　splendour　becoming　his　rank。　　He　has　not
  distinguished　himself　in　the　knocking　down　of　policemen
  much；　he　is　not　big　enough　for　that。　　But；　as　a　light…
  weight；　his　skill　is　of　the　very　highest　order。　　At
  billiards　he　is　said　to　be　first…rate。　　He　drinks　and
  smokes　as　much　as　any　two　of　the　biggest　officers　in　his
  regiment。　　With　such　high　talents；　who　can　say　how　far　he
  may　not　go？　　He　may　take　to　politics　as　a　DELASSEMENT；
  and　be　Prime　Minister　after　Lord　George　Bentinck。
  My　young　friend　Wellesley　Ponto　is　a　gaunt　and　bony
  youth；　with　a　pale　face　profusely　blotched。　　From　his
  continually　pulling　something　on　his　chin；　I　am　led　to
  fancy　that　he　believes　he　has　what　is　called　an　Imperial
  growing　there。　　That　is　not　the　only　tuft　that　is　hunted
  in　the　family；　by　the　way。　　He　can't；　of　course；　indulge
  in　those　expensive　amusements　which　render　his
  aristocratic　comrade　so　respected：　he　bets　pretty　freely
  when　he　is　in　cash；　and　rides　when　somebody　mounts　him
  （for　he　can't　afford　more　than　his　regulation　chargers）。
  At　drinking　he　is　by　no　means　inferior；　and　why　do　you
  think　he　brought　his　noble　friend；　Lord　Gules；　to　the
  Evergreens？Why？　because　he　intended　to　ask　his　mother
  to　order　his　father　to　pay　his　debts；　which　she　couldn't
  refuse　before　such　an　exalted　presence。　　Young　Ponto　gave
  me　all　this　information　with　the　most　engaging　frankness。
  We　are　old　friends。　　I　used　to　tip　him　when　he　was　at
  school。
  'Gad！'：　says　he；　'our　wedgment's　so　DOOTHID　exthpenthif。
  Must　hunt；　you　know。　　A　man　couldn't　live　in　the　wedgment
  if　he　didn't。　　Mess　expenses　enawmuth。　　Must　dine　at
  mess。　　Must　drink　champagne　and　claret。　　Ours　ain't　a
  port　and　sherry　light…infantry　mess。　　Uniform's　awful。
  Fitzstultz；　our　Colonel；　will　have　'em　so。　　Must　be　a
  distinction　you　know。　　At　his　own　expense　Fitzstultz
  altered　the　plumes　in　the　men's　caps　（you　called　them
  shaving…brushes；　Snob；　my　boy：　most　absurd　and　unjust
  that　attack　of　yours；　by　the　way）；　that　altewation　alone
  cotht　him　five　hundred　pound。　　The　year　befaw　latht　he
  horthed　the　wegiment　at　an　immenthe　expenthe；　and　we're
  called　the　Queen'th　Own　Pyebalds　from　that　day。　　Ever
  theen　uth　on　pawade？　　The　Empewar　Nicolath　burtht　into
  tearth　of　envy　when　he　thaw　uth　at　Windthor。　　And　you
  see；'　continued　my　young　friend；　'I　brought　Gules　down
  with　me；　as　the　Governor　is　very　sulky　about　shelling
  out；　just　to　talk　my　mother　over；　who　can　do　anything
  with　him。　　　Gules　told　her　that　I　was　Fitzstultz's
  favourite　of　the　whole　regiment；　and；　Gad！　she　thinks　the
  Horse　Guards　will　give　me　my　troop　for　nothing；　and　he
  humbugged　the　Governor　that　I　was　the　greatest　screw　in
  the　army。　　Ain't　it　a　good　dodge？'
  With　this　Wellesley　left　me　to　go　and　smoke　a　cigar　in
  the　stables　with　Lord　Gules；　and　make　merry　over　the
  cattle　there；　under　Stripes's　superintendence。　　Young
  Ponto　laughed　with　his　friend；　at　the　venerable　four…
  wheeled　cruelty…chaise；　but　seemed　amazed　that　the　latter
  should　ridicule　still　more　an　ancient　chariot　of　the
  build　of　1824；　emblazoned　immensely　with　the　arme　of　the
  Pontos　and　the　Snaileys；　from　which　latter　distinguished
  family　Mrs。　Ponto　issued。
  I　found　poor　Pon　in　his　study　among　his　boots；　in　such　a
  rueful　attitude　of　despondency；　that　I　could　not　but
  remark　it。　　'Look　at　that！'　says　the　poor　fellow；　handing
  me　over　a　document。　　'It's　the　second　change　in　uniform
  since　he's　been　in　the　army；　and　yet　there's　no
  extravagance　about　the　lad。　　Lord　Gules　tells　me　he　is
  the　most　careful　youngster　in　the　regiment；　God　bless
  him！　But　look　at　that！　by　heaven；　Snob；　look　at　that　and
  say　how　can　a　man　of　nine　hundred　keep　out　of　the　Bench？'
  He　gave　a　sob　as　he　handed　me　the　paper　across　the　table；
  and　his　old　face；　and　his　old