第 32 节
作者:向前      更新:2021-02-18 21:59      字数:9321
  〃I may be exaggerating to myself;〃 he answered。  〃But I am not sure
  that I could go on with my work without hernot now。〃
  〃You forgot her;〃 flashed Ann; 〃till we happened to quarrel in the
  cab。〃
  〃I often do;〃 he confessed。  〃Till something goes wrong。  Then she
  comes to me。  As she did on that first evening; six years ago。  You
  see; I have been more or less living with her since then;〃 he added
  with a smile。
  〃In dreamland;〃 Ann corrected。
  〃Yes; but in my case;〃 he answered; 〃the best part of my life is
  passed in dreamland。〃
  〃And when you are not in dreamland?〃 she demanded。  〃When you're
  just irritable; short…tempered; cranky Matthew Pole。  What's she
  going to do about you then?〃
  〃She'll put up with me;〃 said Matthew。
  〃No she won't;〃 said Ann。  〃She'll snap your head off。  Most of the
  'putting up with' you'll have to do。〃
  He tried to get between her and the window; but she kept her face
  close to the pane。
  〃You make me tired with Sylvia;〃 she said。  〃It's about time you did
  know what she's like。  She's just the commonplace; short…tempered;
  disagreeable…if…she…doesn't…get…her…own…way; unreasonable woman。
  Only more so。〃
  He drew her away from the window by brute force。
  〃So you're Sylvia;〃 he said。
  〃I thought that would get it into your head;〃 said Ann。
  It was not at all the way she had meant to break it to him。  She had
  meant the conversation to be chiefly about Sylvia。  She had a high
  opinion of Sylvia; a much higher opinion than she had of Ann
  Kavanagh。  If he proved to be worthy of herof Sylvia; that is;
  then; with the whimsical smile that she felt belonged to Sylvia; she
  would remark quite simply; 〃Well; what have you got to say to her?〃
  What had happened to interfere with the programme was Ann Kavanagh。
  It seemed that Ann Kavanagh had disliked Matthew Pole less than she
  had thought she did。  It was after he had sailed away that little
  Ann Kavanagh had discovered this。  If only he had shown a little
  more interest in; a little more appreciation of; Ann Kavanagh!  He
  could be kind and thoughtful in a patronising sort of way。  Even
  that would not have mattered if there had been any justification for
  his airs of superiority。
  Ann Kavanagh; who ought to have taken a back seat on this occasion;
  had persisted in coming to the front。  It was so like her。
  〃Well;〃 she said; 〃what are you going to say to her?〃  She did get
  it in; after all。
  〃I was going;〃 said Matthew; 〃to talk to her about Art and
  Literature; touching; maybe; upon a few other subjects。  Also; I
  might have suggested our seeing each other again once or twice; just
  to get better acquainted。  And then I was going away。〃
  〃Why going away?〃 asked Ann。
  〃To see if I could forget you。〃
  She turned to him。  The fading light was full upon her face。
  〃I don't believe you couldagain;〃 she said。
  〃No;〃 he agreed。  〃I'm afraid I couldn't。〃
  〃You're sure there's nobody else;〃 said Ann; 〃that you're in love
  with。  Only us two?〃
  〃Only you two;〃 he said。
  She was standing with her hand on old Abner's empty chair。  〃You've
  got to choose;〃 she said。  She was trembling。  Her voice sounded
  just a little hard。
  He came and stood beside her。  〃I want Ann;〃 he said。
  She held out her hand to him。
  〃I'm so glad you said Ann;〃 she laughed。
  THE FAWN GLOVES。
  Always he remembered her as he saw her first:  the little spiritual
  face; the little brown shoes pointed downwards; their toes just
  touching the ground; the little fawn gloves folded upon her lap。  He
  was not conscious of having noticed her with any particular
  attention:  a plainly dressed; childish…looking figure alone on a
  seat between him and the setting sun。  Even had he felt curious his
  shyness would have prevented his deliberately running the risk of
  meeting her eyes。  Yet immediately he had passed her he saw her
  again; quite clearly:  the pale oval face; the brown shoes; and;
  between them; the little fawn gloves folded one over the other。  All
  down the Broad Walk and across Primrose Hill; he saw her silhouetted
  against the sinking sun。  At least that much of her:  the wistful
  face and the trim brown shoes and the little folded hands; until the
  sun went down behind the high chimneys of the brewery beyond Swiss
  Cottage; and then she faded。
  She was there again the next evening; precisely in the same place。
  Usually he walked home by the Hampstead Road。  Only occasionally;
  when the beauty of the evening tempted him; would he take the longer
  way by Regent Street and through the Park。  But so often it made him
  feel sad; the quiet Park; forcing upon him the sense of his own
  loneliness。
  He would walk down merely as far as the Great Vase; so he arranged
  with himself。  If she were not thereit was not likely that she
  would behe would turn back into Albany Street。  The newsvendors'
  shops with their display of the cheaper illustrated papers; the
  second…hand furniture dealers with their faded engravings and old
  prints; would give him something to look at; to take away his
  thoughts from himself。  But seeing her in the distance; almost the
  moment he had entered the gate; it came to him how disappointed he
  would have been had the seat in front of the red tulip bed been
  vacant。  A little away from her he paused; turning to look at the
  flowers。  He thought that; waiting his opportunity; he might be able
  to steal a glance at her undetected。  Once for a moment he did so;
  but venturing a second time their eyes met; or he fancied they did;
  and blushing furiously he hurried past。  But again she came with
  him; or; rather; preceded him。  On each empty seat between him and
  the sinking sun he saw her quite plainly:  the pale oval face and
  the brown shoes; and; between them; the fawn gloves folded one upon
  the other。
  Only this evening; about the small; sensitive mouth there seemed to
  be hovering just the faintest suggestion of a timid smile。  And this
  time she lingered with him past Queen's Crescent and the Malden
  Road; till he turned into Carlton Street。  It was dark in the
  passage; and he had to grope his way up the stairs; but with his
  hand on the door of the bed…sitting room on the third floor he felt
  less afraid of the solitude that would rise to meet him。
  All day long in the dingy back office in Abingdon Street;
  Westminster; where from ten to six each day he sat copying briefs
  and petitions; he thought over what he would say to her; tactful
  beginnings by means of which he would slide into conversation with
  her。  Up Portland Place he would rehearse them to himself。  But at
  Cambridge Gate; when the little fawn gloves came in view; the words
  would run away; to join him again maybe at the gate into the Chester
  Road; leaving him meanwhile to pass her with stiff; hurried steps
  and eyes fixed straight in front of him。  And so it might have
  continued; but that one evening she was no longer at her usual seat。
  A crowd of noisy children swarmed over it; and suddenly it seemed to
  him as if the trees and flowers had all turned drab。  A terror
  gnawed at his heart; and he hurried on; more for the need of
  movement than with any definite object。  And just beyond a bed of
  geraniums that had hidden his view she was seated on a chair; and
  stopping with a jerk absolutely in front of her; he said; quite
  angrily:
  〃Oh! there you are!〃
  Which was not a bit the speech with which he had intended to
  introduce himself; but served his purpose just as wellperhaps
  better。
  She did not resent his words or the tone。
  〃It was the children;〃 she explained。  〃They wanted to play; so I
  thought I would come on a little farther。〃
  Upon which; as a matter of course; he took the chair beside her; and
  it did not occur to either of them that they had not known one
  another since the beginning; when between St。 John's Wood and Albany
  Street God planted a garden。
  Each evening they would linger there; listening to the pleading
  passion of the blackbird's note; the thrush's call to joy and hope。
  He loved her gentle ways。  From the bold challenges; the sly glances
  of invitation flashed upon him in the street or from some
  neighbouring table in the cheap luncheon room he had always shrunk
  confused and awkward。  Her shyness gave him confidence。  It was she
  who was half afraid; whose eyes would fall beneath his gaze; who
  would tremble at his touch; giving him the delights of manly
  dominion; of tender authority。  It was he who insisted on the
  aristocratic seclusion afforded by the private chair; who; with the
  careless indifference of a man to whom pennies were unimportant;
  would pay for them both。  Once on his way through Piccadilly Circus
  he had paused by the fountain to glance at a great basket of lilies
  of the valley; struck suddenly by the thought how strangely their
  little pale petals seemed suggestive of her。
  〃'Ere y' are; honey。  Her favourite flower!〃 cried the girl; with a
  grin; holding a bunch towards him。
  〃How much?〃 he had asked; vainly trying to keep the blood from
  rushing to his face。
  The girl paused a moment; a coarse; kindly creature。
  〃Sixpence;〃 she demanded; and he bought them。  She had meant to ask
  him a shilling; and knew he would have paid it。  〃Same as silly
  fool!〃