第 65 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9298
  queer     little  flat   blue  smelling…bottle;     and   after   much    labour    in
  pulling     the   cork   out;   thrust    the   narrow     neck    against    Hetty’s
  nostrils。 “It donna smell;” she whispered; thinking this was a great
  advantage which old salts had over fresh ones: they did you good
  without biting your nose。 Hetty pushed it away peevishly; but this
  little   flash   of   temper   did   what   the   salts   could   not   have   done—it
  roused   her  to  wipe   away  the   traces   of  her  tears;   and   try  with   all
  her  might  not  to  shed   any  more。   Hetty  had   a certain   strength  in
  her vain little nature: she would have borne anything rather than
  be    laughed      at;  or   pointed     at   with    any    other    feeling    than
  admiration; she would have pressed her own nails into her tender
  flesh   rather   than   people   should   know   a   secret   she   did   not   want
  them to know。
  What fluctuations there were in her busy thoughts and feelings;
  while Mr。 Irwine was pronouncing the solemn “Absolution” in her
  deaf    ears;   and   through     all  the  tones    of  petition   that   followed!
  Anger lay very close to disappointment; and soon won the victory
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       262
  over  the   conjectures   her  small   ingenuity  could devise   to   account
  for  Arthur’s   absence   on   the   supposition   that   he   really   wanted   to
  come;   really   wanted   to   see   her   again。   And   by   the   time   she   rose
  from her knees mechanically; because all the rest were rising; the
  colour  had   returned   to  her   cheeks   even   with   a   heightened   glow;
  for she was framing little indignant speeches to herself; saying she
  hated Arthur for giving her this pain—she would like him to suffer
  too。 Yet while this selfish tumult was going on in her soul; her eyes
  were   bent   down   on   her   prayer…book;   and   the   eyelids   with   their
  dark fringe looked as lovely as ever。 Adam Bede thought so; as he
  glanced at her for a moment on rising from his knees。
  But Adam’s thoughts of Hetty did not deafen him to the service;
  they rather blended with all the other deep feelings for which the
  church  service   was a   channel   to  him   this   afternoon;   as   a   certain
  consciousness   of  our  entire past and   our  imagined   future   blends
  itself  with  all   our  moments   of keen   sensibility。   And   to   Adam   the
  church service was the   best  channel   he   could   have   found   for  his
  mingled       regret;   yearning;     and    resignation;      its  interchange      of
  beseeching   cries   for   help   with   outbursts   of   faith   and   praise;   its
  recurrent       responses      and    the   familiar    rhythm      of  its   collects;
  seemed to speak for him as no other form of worship   could   have
  done; as; to those early Christians who had worshipped from their
  childhood       upwards      in  catacombs;      the   torch…light    and    shadows
  must have seemed nearer the Divine presence than the heathenish
  daylight of the streets。 The secret of our emotions never lies in the
  bare object; but in its subtle relations to our own past: no wonder
  the    secret   escapes     the  unsympathising   observer;          who   might   as
  well put on his spectacles to discern odours。
  But there was one reason why even a chance comer would have
  George Eliot                                                          ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       263
  found   the   service   in   Hayslope   Church   more   impressive   than   in
  most other village nooks in the kingdom—a reason of which I am
  sure you have not the slightest suspicion。 It was the reading of our
  friend Joshua Rann。 Where that good shoemaker got his notion of
  reading      from    remained      a  mystery      even    to  his   most    intimate
  acquaintances。   I   believe;   after   all;   he   got   it   chiefly   from   Nature;
  who had poured some of her music into this honest conceited soul;
  as she had been known to do into  other  narrow  souls before   his。
  She   had   given   him;  at  least; a   fine   bass   voice   and  a musical   ear;
  but   I   cannot   positively   say   whether   these   alone   had   sufficed   to
  inspire     him    with    the   rich   chant     in  which     he   delivered      the
  responses。       The   way    he    rolled   from    a  rich   deep    forte   into   a
  melancholy cadence; subsiding; at the end of the last word; into a
  sort    of  faint   resonance;     like   the  lingering     vibrations     of  a  fine
  violoncello;      I  can    compare       to   nothing     for   its   strong     calm
  melancholy        but   the  rush    and   cadence     of  the   wind    among      the
  autumn boughs。 This may seem a strange mode of speaking about
  the    reading   of   a   parish   clerk—a     man   in   rusty    spectacles;    with
  stubbly hair; a large occiput; and a prominent crown。   But  that  is
  Nature’s way: she will allow a gentleman of splendid physiognomy
  and   poetic   aspirations   to   sing   woefully   out   of   tune;   and   not   give
  him     the  slightest   hint   of  it;  and   takes   care   that   some     narrow…
  browed fellow; trolling a ballad in the corner of a pot…house; shall
  be as true to his intervals as a bird。
  Joshua      himself    was    less  proud     of  his   reading     than    of  his
  singing; and it was always with a sense of heightened importance
  that he passed from the desk to the choir。 Still more to…day: it was
  a special occasion; for  an   old man;   familiar  to  all   the   parish;  had
  died a sad death—not in his bed; a circumstance the most painful
  George Eliot                                                          ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                     264
  to the mind of the peasant—and now the funeral psalm was to be
  sung     in   memory      of  his   sudden     departure。     Moreover;      Bartle
  Massey  was not  at  church; and   Joshua’s importance in   the   choir
  suffered   no  eclipse。   It  was   a solemn minor  strain  they   sang。   The
  old psalm…tunes have many a wail among them; and the words—
  Thou sweep’st us off as with a flood;
  We vanish hence like dreams—
  seemed to have a closer application than usual in the death of poor
  Thias。 The mother and sons listened; each with peculiar feelings。
  Lisbeth had a vague belief that the psalm was doing her husband
  good;    it  was   part   of  that  decent   burial    which    she   would    have
  thought   it   a   greater   wrong   to   withhold   from   him   than   to   have
  caused   him   many   unhappy   days   while   he   was   living。   The   more
  there   was   said   about   her   husband;   the   more   there   was   done   for
  him; surely the safer he would be。 It was poor Lisbeth’s blind way
  of feeling that human love and pity are a ground of faith in some
  other love。 Seth; who was easily touched; shed tears; and tried to
  recall; as he had done continually since his father’s death; all that
  he    had    heard     of   the   possibility    that   a   single    moment       of
  consciousness       at   the  last  might    be   a  moment      of  pardon     and
  reconcilement; for was it not written in the very psalm they were
  singing      that   the    Divine    dealings     were     not   measured       and
  circumscribed by time? Adam had never been unable to join in a
  psalm before。 He had known plenty of trouble and vexation since
  he had been a lad; but this was the first sorrow that had hemmed
  in his voice; and strangely enough it was sorrow because the chief
  source of his past trouble and vexation was for ever gone out of his
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  Adam Bede                                      265
  reach。 He had not been able to press his father’s hand before their
  parting; and say; “Father; you know it was all right between us; I
  never forgot what I owed you when I was a lad; you forgive me if I
  have   been   too   hot   and   hasty   now   and   then!”   Adam   thought   but
  little to…day of the hard work and the earnings he had spent on his
  father: his thoughts ran constantly on what the old man’s feelings
  had been in moments of humiliation; when he had held down his
  head before the rebukes of his son。 When our indignation is borne
  in    submissive