number　of　mortars；　siege…guns；　and　boarding…pikes。　　History　shows　that
  small；　isolated　communities；　such　as　the　people　of　remote　islands；　are
  prone　to　be　hostile　to　strangers；　and　so　the　same　may　be　the　case　with
  THE　INHABITANTS　OF　STARS
  of　the　tenth　or　twentieth　magnitude。　　We　shall　in　no　case　wantonly　offend
  the　people　of　any　star；　but　shall　treat　all　alike　with　urbanity　and
  kindliness；　never　conducting　ourselves　toward　an　asteroid　after　a　fashion
  which　we　could　not　venture　to　assume　toward　Jupiter　or　Saturn。　　I　repeat
  that　we　shall　not　wantonly　offend　any　star；　but　at　the　same　time　we　shall
  promptly　resent　any　injury　that　may　be　done　us；　or　any　insolence　offered
  us；　by　parties　or　governments　residing　in　any　star　in　the　firmament。
  Although　averse　to　the　shedding　of　blood；　we　shall　still　hold　this　course
  rigidly　and　fearlessly；　not　only　toward　single　stars；　but　toward
  constellations。　　We　shall　hope　to　leave　a　good　impression　of　America
  behind　us　in　every　nation　we　visit；　from　Venus　to　Uranus。　　And；　at　all
  events；　if　we　cannot　inspire　love　we　shall　at　least　compel　respect　for
  our　country　wherever　we　go。　　We　shall　take　with　us；　free　of　charge；
  A　GREAT　FORCE　OF　MISSIONARIES；
  and　shed　the　true　light　upon　all　the　celestial　orbs　which；　physically
  aglow；　are　yet　morally　in　darkness。　　Sunday…schools　will　be　established
  wherever　practicable。　　Compulsory　education　will　also　be　introduced。
  The　comet　will　visit　Mars　first；　and　proceed　to　Mercury；　Jupiter；　Venus；
  and　Saturn。　　Parties　connected　with　the　government　of　the　District　of
  Columbia　and　with　the　former　city　government　of　New　York；　who　may　desire
  to　inspect　the　rings；　will　be　allowed　time　and　every　facility。　　Every
  star　of　prominent　magnitude　will　be　visited；　and　time　allowed　for
  excursions　to　points　of　interest　inland。
  THE　DOG　STAR
  has　been　stricken　from　the　program。　　Much　time　will　be　spent　in　the　Great
  Bear；　and；　indeed；　in　every　constellation　of　importance。　　So；　also；　with
  the　Sun　and　Moon　and　the　Milky　Pay；　otherwise　the　Gulf　Stream　of　the
  Skies。　　Clothing　suitable　for　wear　in　the　sun　should　be　provided。　　Our
  program　has　been　so　arranged　that　we　shall　seldom　go　more　than
  100；000；000　of　miles　at　a　time　without　stopping　at　some　star。　　This　will
  necessarily　make　the　stoppages　frequent　and　preserve　the　interest　of　the
  tourist。　　Baggage　checked　through　to　any　point　on　the　route。　　Parties
  desiring　to　make　only　a　part　of　the　proposed　tour；　and　thus　save　expense；
  may　stop　over　at　any　star　they　choose　and　wait　for　the　return　voyage。
  After　visiting　all　the　most　celebrated　stars　and　constellations　in　our
  system　and　personally；　inspecting　the　remotest　sparks　that　even　the　most
  powerful　telescope　can　now　detect　in　the　firmament；　we　shall　proceed　with
  good　heart　upon
  A　STUPENDOUS　VOYAGE
  of　discovery　among　the　countless　whirling　worlds　that　make　turmoil　in　the
  mighty　wastes　of　space　that　stretch　their　solemn　solitudes；　their
  unimaginable　vastness　billions　upon　billions　of　miles　away　beyond　the
  farthest　verge　of　telescopic　vision；　till　by　comparison　the　little
  sparkling　vault　we　used　to　gaze　at　on　Earth　shall　seem　like　a　remembered
  phosphorescent　flash　of　spangles　which　some　tropical　voyager's　prow
  stirred　into　life　for　a　single　instant；　and　which　ten　thousand　miles　of
  phosphorescent　seas　and　tedious　lapse　of　time　had　since　diminished　to　an
  incident　utterly　trivial　in　his　recollection。　　Children　occupying　seats
  at　the　first　table　will　be　charged　full　fare。
  FIRST…CLASS　FARE
  from　the　Earth　to　Uranus；　including　visits　to　the　Sun　and　Moon　and　all
  the　principal　planets　on　the　route；　will　be　charged　at　the　low　rate　of
  2　for　every　50；000；000　miles　of　actual　travel。　　A　great　reduction　will
  be　made　where　parties　wish　to　make　the　round　trip。　　This　comet　is　new　and
  in　thorough　repair　and　is　now　on　her　first　voyage。　　She　is　confessedly
  the　fastest　on　the　line。　　She　makes　20；000；000　miles　a　day；　with　her
  present　facilities；　but；　with　a　picked　American　crew　and　good　weather；
  we　are　confident　we　can　get　40；000；000　out　of　her。　　Still；　we　shall　never
  push　her　to　a　dangerous　speed；　and　we　shall　rigidly　prohibit　racing　with
  other　comets。　　Passengers　desiring　to　diverge　at　any　point　or　return　will
  be　transferred　to　other　comets。　　We　make　close　connections　at　all
  principal　points　with　all　reliable　lines。　　Safety　can　be　depended　upon。
  It　is　not　to　be　denied　that　the　heavens　are　infested　with
  OLD　RAMSHACKLE　COMETS
  that　have　not　been　inspected　or　overhauled　in　10；000　years；　and　which
  ought　long　ago　to　have　been　destroyed　or　turned　into　hail…barges；　but
  with　these　we　have　no　connection　whatever。　　Steerage　passengers　not
  allowed　abaft　the　main　hatch。
  Complimentary　round…trip　tickets　have　been　tendered　to　General　Butler；
  Mr。　Shepherd；　Mr。　Richardson；　and　other　eminent　gentlemen；　whose　public
  services　have　entitled　them　to　the　rest　and　relaxation　of　a　voyage　of
  this　kind。　　Parties　desiring　to　make　the　round　trip　will　have　extra
  accommodation。　　The　entire　voyage　will　be　completed；　and　the　passengers
  landed　in　New　York　again；　on　the　14th　of　December；　1991。　　This　is；　at
  least；　forty　years　quicker　than　any　other　comet　can　do　it　in。　　Nearly　all
  the　back…pay　members　contemplate　making　the　round　trip　with　us　in　case
  their　constituents　will　allow　them　a　holiday。　　Every　harmless　amusement
  will　be　allowed　on　board；　but　no　pools　permitted　on　the　run　of　the　comet
  no　gambling　of　any　kind。　　All　fixed　stars　will　be　respected　by　us；　but
  such　stars　as　seem；　to　need　fixing　we　shall　fix。　　If　it　makes　trouble；　we
  shall　be　sorry；　but　firm。
  Mr。　Coggia　having　leased　his　comet　to　us；　she　will　no　longer　be　called　by
  his　name；　but　by　my　partner's。　　N。　B。Passengers　by　paying　double　fare
  will　be　entitled　to　a　share　in　all　the　new　stars；　suns；　moons；　comets；
  meteors；　and　magazines　of　thunder　and　lightning　we　may　discover。　　Patent…
  medicine　people　will　take　notice　that
  WE　CARRY　BULLETIN…BOARDS
  and　a　paint…brush　along　for　use　in　the　constellations；　and　are　open　to
  terms。　　Cremationists　are　reminded　that　we　are　going　straight　tosome
  hot　placesand　are　open　to　terms。　　To　other　parties　our　enterprise　is　a
  pleasure　excursion；　but　individually　we　mean　business。　　We　shall　fly　our
  comet　for　all　it　is　worth。
  FOR　FURTHER　PARTICULARS；
  or　for　freight　or　passage；　apply　on　board；　or　to　my　partner；　but　not　to
  me；　since　I　do　not　take　charge　of　the　comet　until　she　is　under　way。
  It　is　necessary；　at　a　time　like　this；　that　my　mind　should　not　be　burdened
  with　small　business　details。
  MARK　TWAIN。
  RUNNING　FOR　GOVERNOR　＇Written　about　1870。＇
  A　few　months　ago　I　was　nominated　for　Governor　of　the　great　state　of　New
  York；　to　run　against　Mr。　John　T。　Smith　and　Mr。　Blank　J。　Blank　on　an
  independent　ticket。　　I　somehow　felt　that　I　had　one　prominent　advantage
  over　these　gentlemen；　and　that　wasgood　character。　　It　was　easy　to　see
  by　the　newspapers　that　if　ever　they　had　known　what　it　was　to　bear　a　good
  name；　that　time　had　gone　by。　　It　was　plain　that　in　these　latter　years
  they　had　become　familiar　with　all　manner　of　shameful　crimes。　　But　at　the
  very　moment　that　I　was　exalting　my　advantage　and　joying　in　it　in　secret；
  there　was　a　muddy　undercurrent　of　discomfort　〃riling〃　the　deeps　of　my
  happiness；　and　that　wasthe　having　to　hear　my　name　bandied　about　in
  familiar　connection　with　those　of　such　people。　　I　grew　more　and　more
  disturbed。　　Finally　I　wrote　my　grandmother　about　it。　　Her　answer　came
  quick　and　sharp。　　She　said：
  You　have　never　done　one　single　thing　in　all　your　life　to　be　ashamed
  ofnot　one。　　Look　at　the　newspaperslook　at　them　and　comprehend
  what　sort　of　characters　Messrs。　　Smith　and　Blank　are；　and　then　see
  if　you　are　willing　to　lower　yourself　to　their　level　and　enter　a
  public　canvass　with　them。
  It　was　my　very　thought！　　I　did　not　sleep　a　single　moment　that　night。
  But；　after　all；　I　could　not　recede。
  I　was　fully　committed；　and　must　go　on　with　the　fight。　　As　I　was　looking
  listlessly　over　the　papers　at　breakfast　I　came　across　this　paragraph；
  and　I　may　truly　say　I　never　was　so　confounded　before。
  PERJURY。Perhaps；　now　that　Mr。　Mark　Twain　is　before　the　people　as　a
  candidate　for　Governor；　he　will　condescend　to　explain　how　he　came　to
  be　convicted　of　perjury　by　thirty…four　witnesses　in　Wakawak；　Cochin
  China；　in　1863；　the　intent　of　which　perjury　being　to　rob　a　poor
  native　widow　and　her　helpless　family　of　a　meager　plantain…patch；
  their　only　stay　and　support　in　their　bereavement　and　desolation。
  Mr。　Twain　owes　it　to　himself；　as　well　as　to　the　great　people　whose
  suffrages　he　asks；　to　clear　this　matter　up。　　Will　he　do　it？
  I　thought　I　should　burst　with　amazement！　　Such　a　cruel；　heartless　charge！
  I　never　had　seen　Cochin　China！　　I　never　had　heard　of　Wakawak　！　　I　didn't
  know　a　plantain…patch　from　a　kangaroo！　　I　did　not　know　what　to　do。　　I　was
  crazed　and　helpless。　　I　let　the　day　slip　a