never　be　accounted　for。
  A　COUPLE　OF　POEMS　BY　TWAIN　AND　MOORE　＇Written　about　1865＇
  THOSE　EVENING　BELLS
  BY　THOMAS　MOORE
  Those　evening　bells！　　those　evening　bells！
  How　many　a　tale　their　music　tells
  Of　youth；　and　home；　and　that　sweet　time
  When　last　I　heard　their　soothing　chime。
  Those　joyous　hours　are　passed　away；
  And　many　a　heart　that　then　was　gay；
  Within　the　tomb　now　darkly　dwells；
  And　hears　no　more　those　evening　bells。
  And　so　'twill　be　when　I　am　gone
  That　tuneful　peal　will　still　ring　on；
  While　other　bards　shall　walk　these　dells；
  And　sing　your　praise；　sweet　evening　bells。
  THOSE　ANNUAL　BILLS
  BY　MARK　TWAIN
  These　annual　bills！　these　annual　bills！
  How　many　a　song　their　discord　trills
  Of　〃truck〃　consumed；　enjoyed；　forgot；
  Since　I　was　skinned　by　last　year's　lot！
  Those　joyous　beans　are　passed　away；
  Those　onions　blithe；　O　where　are　they？
  Once　loved；　lost；　mournednow　vexing　ILLS
  Your　shades　troop　back　in　annual　bills！
  And　so　'twill　be　when　I'm　aground
  These　yearly　duns　will　still　go　round；
  While　other　bards；　with　frantic　quills；
  Shall　damn　and　damn　these　annual　bills！
  NIAGARA　＇　Written　about　1871。＇
  Niagara　Falls　is　a　most　enjoyable　place　of　resort。　　The　hotels　are
  excellent；　and　the　prices　not　at　all　exorbitant。　　The　opportunities　for
  fishing　are　not　surpassed　in　the　country；　in　fact；　they　are　not　even
  equaled　elsewhere。　　Because；　in　other　localities；　certain　places　in　the
  streams　are　much　better　than　others；　but　at　Niagara　one　place　is　just　as
  good　as　another；　for　the　reason　that　the　fish　do　not　bite　anywhere；　and
  so　there　is　no　use　in　your　walking　five　miles　to　fish；　when　you　can
  depend　on　being　just　as　unsuccessful　nearer　home。　　The　advantages　of　this
  state　of　things　have　never　heretofore　been　properly　placed　before　the
  public。
  The　weather　is　cool　in　summer；　and　the　walks　and　drives　are　all　pleasant
  and　none　of　them　fatiguing。　　When　you　start　out　to　〃do〃　the　Falls　you
  first　drive　down　about　a　mile；　and　pay　a　small　sum　for　the　privilege　of
  looking　down　from　a　precipice　into　the　narrowest　part　of　the　Niagara
  River。　　A　railway　〃cut〃　through　a　hill　would　be　as　comely　if　it　had　the
  angry　river　tumbling　and　foaming　through　its　bottom。　　You　can　descend　a
  staircase　here　a　hundred　and　fifty　feet　down；　and　stand　at　the　edge　of
  the　water。　　After　you　have　done　it；　you　will　wonder　why　you　did　it；　but
  you　will　then　be　too　late。
  The　guide　will　explain　to　you；　in　his　blood…curdling　way；　how　he　saw　the
  little　steamer；　Maid　of　the　Mist；　descend　the　fearful　rapidshow　first
  one　paddle…box　was　out　of　sight　behind　the　raging　billows　and　then　the
  other；　and　at　what　point　it　was　that　her　smokestack　toppled　overboard；
  and　where　her　planking　began　to　break　and　part　asunderand　how　she　did
  finally　live　through　the　trip；　after　accomplishing　the　incredible　feat　of
  traveling　seventeen　miles　in　six　minutes；　or　six　miles　in　seventeen
  minutes；　I　have　really　forgotten　which。　　But　it　was　very　extraordinary；
  anyhow。　　It　is　worth　the　price　of　admission　to　hear　the　guide　tell　the
  story　nine　times　in　succession　to　different　parties；　and　never　miss　a
  word　or　alter　a　sentence　or　a　gesture。
  Then　you　drive　over　to　Suspension　Bridge；　and　divide　your　misery　between
  the　chances　of　smashing　down　two　hundred　feet　into　the　river　below；　and
  the　chances　of　having　the　railway…train　overhead　smashing　down　onto　you。
  Either　possibility　is　discomforting　taken　by　itself；　but；　mixed　together；
  they　amount　in　the　aggregate　to　positive　unhappiness。
  On　the　Canada　side　you　drive　along　the　chasm　between　long　ranks　of
  photographers　standing　guard　behind　their　cameras；　ready　to　make　an
  ostentatious　frontispiece　of　you　and　your　decaying　ambulance；　and　your
  solemn　crate　with　a　hide　on　it；　which　you　are　expected　to　regard　in　the
  light　of　a　horse；　and　a　diminished　and　unimportant　background　of　sublime
  Niagara；　and　a　great　many　people　have　the　incredible　effrontery　or　the
  native　depravity　to　aid　and　abet　this　sort　of　crime。
  Any　day；　in　the　hands　of　these　photographers；　you　may　see　stately
  pictures　of　papa　and　mamma；　Johnny　and　Bub　and　Sis　or　a　couple　of　country
  cousins；　all　smiling　vacantly；　and　all　disposed　in　studied　and
  uncomfortable　attitudes　in　their　carriage；　and　all　looming　up　in　their
  awe…inspiring　imbecility　before　the　snubbed　and　diminished　presentment　of
  that　majestic　presence　whose　ministering　spirits　are　the　rainbows；　whose
  voice　is　the　thunder；　whose　awful　front　is　veiled　in　clouds；　who　was
  monarch　here　dead　and　forgotten　ages　before　this　hackful　of　small
  reptiles　was　deemed　temporarily　necessary　to　fill　a　crack　in　the　world's
  unnoted　myriads；　and　will　still　be　monarch　here　ages　and　decades　of　ages
  after　they　shall　have　gathered　themselves　to　their　blood…relations；　the
  other　worms；　and　been　mingled　with　the　unremembering　dust。
  There　is　no　actual　harm　in　making　Niagara　a　background　whereon　to　display
  one's　marvelous　insignificance　in　a　good　strong　light；　but　it　requires　a
  sort　of　superhuman　self…complacency　to　enable　one　to　do　it。
  When　you　have　examined　the　stupendous　Horseshoe　Fall　till　you　are
  satisfied　you　cannot　improve　on　it；　you　return　to　America　by　the　new
  Suspension　Bridge；　and　follow　up　the　bank　to　where　they　exhibit　the　Cave
  of　the　Winds。
  Here　I　followed　instructions；　and　divested　myself　of　all　my　clothing；　and
  put　on　a　waterproof　jacket　and　overalls。　　This　costume　is　picturesque；
  but　not　beautiful。　　A　guide；　similarly　dressed；　led　the　way　down　a　flight
  of　winding　stairs；　which　wound　and　wound；　and　still　kept　on　winding　long
  after　the　thing　ceased　to　be　a　novelty；　and　then　terminated　long　before
  it　had　begun　to　be　a　pleasure。　　We　were　then　well　down　under　the
  precipice；　but　still　considerably　above　the　level　of　the　river。
  We　now　began　to　creep　along　flimsy　bridges　of　a　single　plank；　our　persons
  shielded　from　destruction　by　a　crazy　wooden　railing；　to　which　I　clung
  with　both　handsnot　because　I　was　afraid；　but　because　I　wanted　to。
  Presently　the　descent　became　steeper　and　the　bridge　flimsier；　and　sprays
  from　the　American　Fall　began　to　rain　down　on　us　in　fast　increasing　sheets
  that　soon　became　blinding；　and　after　that　our　progress　was　mostly　in　the
  nature　of　groping。　　Nova　a　furious　wind　began　to　rush　out　from　behind　the
  waterfall；　which　seemed　determined　to　sweep　us　from　the　bridge；　and
  scatter　us　on　the　rocks　and　among　the　torrents　below。　　I　remarked　that　I
  wanted　to　go　home；　but　it　was　too　late。　　We　were　almost　under　the
  monstrous　wall　of　water　thundering　down　from　above；　and　speech　was　in
  vain　in　the　midst　of　such　a　pitiless　crash　of　sound。
  In　another　moment　the　guide　disappeared　behind　the　deluge；　and　bewildered
  by　the　thunder；　driven　helplessly　by　the　wind；　and　smitten　by　the　arrowy
  tempest　of　rain；　I　followed。　　All　was　darkness。　　Such　a　mad　storming；
  roaring；　and　bellowing　of　warring　wind　and　water　never　crazed　my　ears
  before。　　I　bent　my　head；　and　seemed　to　receive　the　Atlantic　on　my　back。
  The　world　seemed　going　to　destruction。　　I　could　not　see　anything；　the
  flood　poured　down　savagely。　　I　raised　my　head；　with　open　mouth；　and　the
  most　of　the　American　cataract　went　down　my　throat。　　If　I　had　sprung　a
  leak　now　I　had　been　lost。　　And　at　this　moment　I　discovered　that　the
  bridge　had　ceased；　and　we　must　trust　for　a　foothold　to　the　slippery　and
  precipitous　rocks。　　I　never　was　so　scared　before　and　survived　it。　　But　we
  got　through　at　last；　and　emerged　into　the　open　day；　where　we　could　stand
  in　front　of　the　laced　and　frothy　and　seething　world　of　descending　water；
  and　look　at　it。　　When　I　saw　how　much　of　it　there　was；　and　how　fearfully
  in　earnest　it　was；　I　was　sorry　I　had　gone　behind　it。
  The　noble　Red　Man　has　always　been　a　friend　and　darling　of　mine。　　I　love
  to　read　about　him　in　tales　and　legends　and　romances。　　I　love　to　read　of
  his　inspired　sagacity；　and　his　love　of　the　wild　free　life　of　mountain　and
  forest；　and　his　general　nobility　of　character；　and　his　stately
  metaphorical　manner　of　speech；　and　his　chivalrous　love　for　the　dusky
  maiden；　and　the　picturesque　pomp　of　his　dress　and　accoutrements。
  Especially　the　picturesque　pomp　of　his　dress　and　accoutrements。　　When　I
  found　the　shops　at　Niagara　Falls　full　of　dainty　Indian　beadwork；　and
  stunning　moccasins；　and　equally　stunning　toy　figures　representing　human
  beings　who　carried　their　weapons　in　holes　bored　through　their　arms　and
  bodies；　and　had　feet　shaped　like　a　pie；　I　was　filled　with　emotion。
  I　knew　that　now；　at　last；　I　was　going　to　come　face　to　face　with　the　noble
  Red　Man。
  A　lady　clerk　in　a　shop　told　me；　indeed；　that　all　her　grand　array　of
  curiosities　were　made　by　the　Indians；　and　that　they　were　plenty　about　the
  Falls；　and　that　they　were　friendly；　and　it　would　not　be　dangerous　to
  speak　to　them。