第 10 节
作者:痛罚      更新:2024-04-07 11:54      字数:9322
  ence{sic} climbed up and up。  The largest amount I
  could earn at teaching was six dollars a week; and
  our school year included only two terms of thir…
  teen weeks each。  It was an incessant struggle to
  keep our land; to pay our taxes; and to live。  Cal…
  ico was selling at fifty cents a yard。  Coffee was
  one dollar a pound。  There were no men left to
  grind our corn; to get in our crops; or to care for
  our live stock; and all around us we saw our
  struggle reflected in the lives of our neighbors。
  At long intervals word came to us of battles in
  which my father's regimentthe Tenth Michigan
  Cavalry Volunteersor those of my brothers were
  engaged; and then longer intervals followed in which
  we heard no news。  After Eleanor's death my
  brother Tom was wounded; and for months we lived
  in terror of worse tidings; but he finally recovered。
  I was walking seven and eight miles a day; and doing
  extra work before and after school hours; and my
  health began to fail。  Those were years I do not
  like to look back uponyears in which life had de…
  generated into a treadmill whose monotony was
  broken only by the grim messages from the front。
  My sister Mary married and went to Big Rapids to
  live。  I had no time to dream my dream; but the star
  of my one purpose still glowed in my dark horizon。
  It seemed that nothing short of a miracle could lift
  my feet from their plodding way and set them on the
  wider path toward which my eyes were turned; but
  I never lost faith that in some manner the miracle
  would come to pass。  As certainly as I have ever
  known anything; I KNEW that I was going to college!
  III
  HIGH…SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS
  The end of the Civil War brought freedom to
  me; too。  When peace was declared my father
  and brothers returned to the claim in the wilderness
  which we women of the family had labored so des…
  perately to hold while they were gone。  To us; as to
  others; the final years of the war had brought many
  changes。  My sister Eleanor's place was empty。
  Mary; as I have said; had married and gone to live in
  Big Rapids; and my mother and I were alone with my
  brother Harry; now a boy of fourteen。  After the
  return of our men it was no longer necessary to de…
  vote every penny of my earnings to the maintenance
  of our home。  For the first time I could begin to
  save a portion of my income toward the fulfilment
  of my college dream; but even yet there was a long;
  arid stretch ahead of me before the college doors
  came even distantly into sight。
  The largest salary I could earn by teaching in our
  Northern woods was one hundred and fifty…six dollars
  a year; for two terms of thirteen weeks each; and
  from this; of course; I had to deduct the cost of my
  board and clothingthe sole expenditure I allowed
  myself。  The dollars for an education accumulated
  very; very slowly; until at last; in desperation; weary
  of seeing the years of my youth rush past; bearing
  my hopes with them; I took a sudden and radical
  step。  I gave up teaching; left our cabin in the
  woods; and went to Big Rapids to live with my sister
  Mary; who had married a successful man and who
  generously offered me a home。  There; I had de…
  cided; I would learn a trade of some kind; of any
  kind; it did not greatly matter what it was。  The
  sole essential was that it should be a money…making
  trade; offering wages which would make it possible
  to add more rapidly to my savings。  In those days;
  almost fifty years ago; and in a small pioneer town;
  the fields open to women were few and unfruitful。
  The needle at once presented itself; but at first I
  turned with loathing from it。  I would have pre…
  ferred the digging of ditches or the shoveling of coal;
  but the needle alone persistently pointed out my
  way; and I was finally forced to take it。
  Fate; however; as if weary at last of seeing me
  between her paws; suddenly let me escape。  Before
  I had been working a month at my uncongenial
  trade Big Rapids was favored by a visit from a
  Universalist woman minister; the Reverend Marianna
  Thompson; who came there to preach。  Her ser…
  mon was delivered on Sunday morning; and I was; I
  think; almost the earliest arrival of the great con…
  gregation which filled the church。  It was a wonder…
  ful moment when I saw my first woman minister
  enter her pulpit; and as I listened to her sermon;
  thrilled to the soul; all my early aspirations to be…
  come a minister myself stirred in me with cumulative
  force。  After the services I hung for a time on the
  fringe of the group that surrounded her; and at last;
  when she was alone and about to leave; I found
  courage to introduce myself and pour forth the tale
  of my ambition。  Her advice was as prompt as if
  she had studied my problem for years。
  ‘‘My child;'' she said; ‘‘give up your foolish idea
  of learning a trade; and go to school。  You can't do
  anything until you have an education。  Get it; and
  get it NOW。''
  Her suggestion was much to my liking; and I paid
  her the compliment of acting on it promptly; for
  the next morning I entered the Big Rapids High
  School; which was also a preparatory school for col…
  lege。  There I would study; I determined; as long
  as my money held out; and with the optimism of
  youth I succeeded in confining my imagination to
  this side of that crisis。  My home; thanks to Mary;
  was assured; the wardrobe I had brought from the
  woods covered me sufficiently; to one who had
  walked five and six miles a day for years; walking
  to school held no discomfort; and as for pleasure;
  I found it; like a heroine of fiction; in my studies。
  For the first time life was smiling at me; and with
  all my young heart I smiled back。
  The preceptress of the high school was Lucy
  Foot; a college graduate and a remarkable woman。
  I had heard much of her sympathy and understand…
  ing; and on the evening following my first day in
  school I went to her and repeated the confidences
  I had reposed in the Reverend Marianna Thompson。
  My trust in her was justified。  She took an immedi…
  ate interest in me; and proved it at once by putting
  me into the speaking and debating classes; where I
  was given every opportunity to hold forth to help…
  less classmates when the spirit of eloquence moved
  me。
  As an aid to public speaking I was taught to ‘‘elo…
  cute;'' and I remember in every mournful detail
  the occasion on which I gave my first recitation。
  We were having our monthly ‘‘public exhibition
  night;'' and the audience included not only my class…
  mates; but their parents and friends as well。  The
  selection I intended to recite was a poem entitled
  ‘‘No Sects in Heaven;'' but when I faced my au…
  dience I was so appalled by its size and by the sud…
  den realization of my own temerity that I fainted
  during the delivery of the first verse。  Sympathetic
  classmates carried me into an anteroom and revived
  me; after which they naturally assumed that the
  entertainment I furnished was over for the evening。
  I; however; felt that if I let that failure stand against
  me I could never afterward speak in public; and
  within ten minutes; notwithstanding the protests
  of my friends; I was back in the hall and beginning
  my recitation a second time。  The audience gave
  me its eager attention。  Possibly it hoped to see me
  topple off the platform again; but nothing of the
  sort occurred。  I went through the recitation with
  self…possession and received some friendly applause at
  the end。  Strangely enough; those first sensations of
  ‘‘stage fright'' have been experienced; in a lesser de…
  gree; in connection with each of the thousands of
  public speeches I have made since that time。  I
  have never again gone so far as to faint in the
  presence of an audience; but I have invariably
  walked out on the platform feeling the sinking sen…
  sation at the pit of the stomach; the weakness of the
  knees; that I felt in the hour of my debut。  Now;
  however; the nervousness passes after a moment
  or two。
  From that night Miss Foot lost no opportunity of
  putting me into the foreground of our school affairs。
  I took part in all our debates; recited yards of poe…
  try to any audience we could attract; and even shone
  mildly in our amateur theatricals。  It was probably
  owing to all this activity that I attracted the in…
  terest of the presiding elder of our districtDr。
  Peck; a man of progressive ideas。  There was at
  that time a movement on foot to license women to
  preach in the Methodist Church; and Dr。 Peck was
  ambitious to be the first presiding elder to have a
  woman ordained for the Methodist ministry。  He
  had urged Miss Foot to be this pioneer; but her
  ambitions did not turn in that direction。  Though
  she was a very devout Methodist; she had no wish
  to be the shepherd of a religious flock。  She loved
  her school…work; and asked nothing better than to
  remain in it。  Gently but persistently she directed
  the attent