The　Illustrious　Gaudissart
  by　Honore　de　Balzac
  Translated　by　Katharine　Prescott　Wormeley
  DEDICATION
  To　Madame　la　Duchesse　de　Castries。
  THE　ILLUSTRIOUS　GAUDISSART
  CHAPTER　I
  The　commercial　traveller；　a　personage　unknown　to　antiquity；　is　one　of
  the　striking　figures　created　by　the　manners　and　customs　of　our　present
  epoch。　May　he　not；　in　some　conceivable　order　of　things；　be　destined　to
  mark　for　coming　philosophers　the　great　transition　which　welds　a　period
  of　material　enterprise　to　the　period　of　intellectual　strength？　Our
  century　will　bind　the　realm　of　isolated　power；　abounding　as　it　does　in
  creative　genius；　to　the　realm　of　universal　but　levelling　might；
  equalizing　all　products；　spreading　them　broadcast　among　the　masses；
  and　being　itself　controlled　by　the　principle　of　unity；the　final
  expression　of　all　societies。　Do　we　not　find　the　dead　level　of
  barbarism　succeeding　the　saturnalia　of　popular　thought　and　the　last
  struggles　of　those　civilizations　which　accumulated　the　treasures　of
  the　world　in　one　direction？
  The　commercial　traveller！　Is　he　not　to　the　realm　of　ideas　what　our
  stage…coaches　are　to　men　and　things？　He　is　their　vehicle；　he　sets　them
  going；　carries　them　along；　rubs　them　up　with　one　another。　He　takes
  from　the　luminous　centre　a　handful　of　light；　and　scatters　it　broadcast
  among　the　drowsy　populations　of　the　duller　regions。　This　human
  pyrotechnic　is　a　scholar　without　learning；　a　juggler　hoaxed　by
  himself；　an　unbelieving　priest　of　mysteries　and　dogmas；　which　he
  expounds　all　the　better　for　his　want　of　faith。　Curious　being！　He　has
  seen　everything；　known　everything；　and　is　up　in　all　the　ways　of　the
  world。　Soaked　in　the　vices　of　Paris；　he　affects　to　be　the　fellow…well…
  met　of　the　provinces。　He　is　the　link　which　connects　the　village　with
  the　capital；　though　essentially　he　is　neither　Parisian　nor　provincial；
  he　is　a　traveller。　He　sees　nothing　to　the　core：　men　and　places　he
  knows　by　their　names；　as　for　things；　he　looks　merely　at　their　surface；
  and　he　has　his　own　little　tape…line　with　which　to　measure　them。　His
  glance　shoots　over　all　things　and　penetrates　none。　He　occupies　himself
  with　a　great　deal；　yet　nothing　occupies　him。
  Jester　and　jolly　fellow；　he　keeps　on　good　terms　with　all　political
  opinions；　and　is　patriotic　to　the　bottom　of　his　soul。　A　capital　mimic；
  he　knows　how　to　put　on；　turn　and　turn　about；　the　smiles　of　persuasion；
  satisfaction；　and　good…nature；　or　drop　them　for　the　normal　expression
  of　his　natural　man。　He　is　compelled　to　be　an　observer　of　a　certain
  sort　in　the　interests　of　his　trade。　He　must　probe　men　with　a　glance
  and　guess　their　habits；　wants；　and　above　all　their　solvency。　To
  economize　time　he　must　come　to　quick　decisions　as　to　his　chances　of
  success；a　practice　that　makes　him　more　or　less　a　man　of　judgment；　on
  the　strength　of　which　he　sets　up　as　a　judge　of　theatres；　and
  discourses　about　those　of　Paris　and　the　provinces。
  He　knows　all　the　good　and　bad　haunts　in　France；　〃de　actu　et　visu。〃　He
  can　pilot　you；　on　occasion；　to　vice　or　virtue　with　equal　assurance。
  Blest　with　the　eloquence　of　a　hot…water　spigot　turned　on　at　will；　he
  can　check　or　let　run；　without　floundering；　the　collection　of　phrases
  which　he　keeps　on　tap；　and　which　produce　upon　his　victims　the　effect
  of　a　moral　shower…bath。　Loquacious　as　a　cricket；　he　smokes；　drinks；
  wears　a　profusion　of　trinkets；　overawes　the　common　people；　passes　for
  a　lord　in　the　villages；　and　never　permits　himself　to　be　〃stumped；〃a
  slang　expression　all　his　own。　He　knows　how　to　slap　his　pockets　at　the
  right　time；　and　make　his　money　jingle　if　he　thinks　the　servants　of　the
  second…class　houses　which　he　wants　to　enter　（always　eminently
  suspicious）　are　likely　to　take　him　for　a　thief。　Activity　is　not　the
  least　surprising　quality　of　this　human　machine。　Not　the　hawk　swooping
  upon　its　prey；　not　the　stag　doubling　before　the　huntsman　and　the
  hounds；　nor　the　hounds　themselves　catching　scent　of　the　game；　can　be
  compared　with　him　for　the　rapidity　of　his　dart　when　he　spies　a
  〃commission；〃　for　the　agility　with　which　he　trips　up　a　rival　and　gets
  ahead　of　him；　for　the　keenness　of　his　scent　as　he　noses　a　customer　and
  discovers　the　sport　where　he　can　get　off　his　wares。
  How　many　great　qualities　must　such　a　man　possess！　You　will　find　in　all
  countries　many　such　diplomats　of　low　degree；　consummate　negotiators
  arguing　in　the　interests　of　calico；　jewels；　frippery；　wines；　and　often
  displaying　more　true　diplomacy　than　ambassadors　themselves；　who；　for
  the　most　part；　know　only　the　forms　of　it。　No　one　in　France　can　doubt
  the　powers　of　the　commercial　traveller；　that　intrepid　soul　who　dares
  all；　and　boldly　brings　the　genius　of　civilization　and　the　modern
  inventions　of　Paris　into　a　struggle　with　the　plain　commonsense　of
  remote　villages；　and　the　ignorant　and　boorish　treadmill　of　provincial
  ways。　Can　we　ever　forget　the　skilful　manoeuvres　by　which　he　worms
  himself　into　the　minds　of　the　populace；　bringing　a　volume　of　words　to
  bear　upon　the　refractory；　reminding　us　of　the　indefatigable　worker　in
  marbles　whose　file　eats　slowly　into　a　block　of　porphyry？　Would　you
  seek　to　know　the　utmost　power　of　language；　or　the　strongest　pressure
  that　a　phrase　can　bring　to　bear　against　rebellious　lucre；　against　the
  miserly　proprietor　squatting　in　the　recesses　of　his　country　lair？
  listen　to　one　of　these　great　ambassadors　of　Parisian　industry　as　he
  revolves　and　works　and　sucks　like　an　intelligent　piston　of　the　steam…
  engine　called　Speculation。
  〃Monsieur；〃　said　a　wise　political　economist；　the　director…cashier…
  manager　and　secretary…general　of　a　celebrated　fire…insurance　company；
  〃out　of　every　five　hundred　thousand　francs　of　policies　to　be　renewed
  in　the　provinces；　not　more　than　fifty　thousand　are　paid　up
  voluntarily。　The　other　four　hundred　and　fifty　thousand　are　got　in　by
  the　activity　of　our　agents；　who　go　about　among　those　who　are　in
  arrears　and　worry　them　with　stories　of　horrible　incendiaries　until
  they　are　driven　to　sign　the　new　policies。　Thus　you　see　that　eloquence；
  the　labial　flux；　is　nine　tenths　of　the　ways　and　means　of　our
  business。〃
  To　talk；　to　make　people　listen　to　you；that　is　seduction　in　itself。　A
  nation　that　has　two　Chambers；　a　woman　who　lends　both　ears；　are　soon
  lost。　Eve　and　her　serpent　are　the　everlasting　myth　of　an　hourly　fact
  which　began；　and　may　end；　with　the　world　itself。
  〃A　conversation　of　two　hours　ought　to　capture　your　man；〃　said　a
  retired　lawyer。
  Let　us　walk　round　the　commercial　traveller；　and　look　at　him　well。
  Don't　forget　his　overcoat；　olive　green；　nor　his　cloak　with　its　morocco
  collar；　nor　the　striped　blue　cotton　shirt。　In　this　queer　figureso
  original　that　we　cannot　rub　it　outhow　many　divers　personalities　we
  come　across！　In　the　first　place；　what　an　acrobat；　what　a　circus；　what
  a　battery；　all　in　one；　is　the　man　himself；　his　vocation；　and　his
  tongue！　Intrepid　mariner；　he　plunges　in；　armed　with　a　few　phrases；　to
  catch　five　or　six　thousand　francs　in　the　frozen　seas；　in　the　domain　of
  the　red　Indians　who　inhabit　the　interior　of　France。　The　provincial
  fish　will　not　rise　to　harpoons　and　torches；　it　can　only　be　taken　with
  seines　and　nets　and　gentlest　persuasions。　The　traveller's　business　is
  to　extract　the　gold　in　country　caches　by　a　purely　intellectual
  operation；　and　to　extract　it　pleasantly　and　without　pain。　Can　you
  think　without　a　shudder　of　the　flood　of　phrases　which；　day　by　day；
  renewed　each　dawn；　leaps　in　cascades　the　length　and　breadth　of　sunny
  France？
  You　know　the　species；　let　us　now　take　a　look　at　the　individual。
  There　lives　in　Paris　an　incomparable　commercial　traveller；　the　paragon
  of　his　race；　a　man　who　possesses　in　the　highest　degree　all　the
  qualifications　necessary　to　the　nature　of　his　success。　His　speech　is
  vitriol　and　likewise　glue；glue　to　catch　and　entangle　his　victim　and
  make　him　sticky　and　easy　to　grip；　vitriol　to　dissolve　hard　heads；
  close　fists；　and　closer　calculations。　His　line　was　once　the　HAT；　but
  his　talents　and　the　art　with　which　he　snared　the　wariest　provincial
  had　brought　him　such　commercial　celebrity　that　all　vendors　of　the
  〃article　Paris〃＇*＇　paid　court　to　him；　and　humbly　begged　that　he　would
  deign　to　take　their　commissions。
  ＇*＇　〃Article　Paris〃　means　anythingespecially　articles　of　wearing
  apparelwhich　originates　or　is　made　in　Paris。　The　name　is
  supposed　to　give　to　the　thing　a　special　value　in　the　provinces。
  Thus；　when　he　returned　to　Paris　in　the　intervals　of　his　triumphant
  progress　through　France；　he　lived　a　life　of　perpetual　festivity　in　the
  shape　of　weddings　and　suppers。　When　he　was　in　the　provinces；　the
  correspondents　in　the　smaller　towns　made　much　of　him；　in　Paris；　the
  great　houses　feted　and　caressed　him。　Welcomed；　flattered；　and　fed
  wherever　he　went；　it　came　to　pass　that　to　breakfast　or　to　dine　alone
  was　a　novelty；　an　event。　He　lived　the　life　of　a　sovereign；　or；　better
  still；　of　a　jo