第 5 节
作者:人生几何      更新:2022-11-23 12:11      字数:9321
  to conceal her delight。 〃She is so kind and Mamma is so fond of her!〃
  Nicholas did not reply and tried to avoid speaking of the princess
  any more。 But after her visit the old countess spoke of her several
  times a day。
  She sang her praises; insisted that her son must call on her;
  expressed a wish to see her often; but yet always became ill…humored
  when she began to talk about her。
  Nicholas tried to keep silence when his mother spoke of the
  princess; but his silence irritated her。
  〃She is a very admirable and excellent young woman;〃 said she;
  〃and you must go and call on her。 You would at least be seeing
  somebody; and I think it must be dull for you only seeing us。〃
  〃But I don't in the least want to; Mamma。〃
  〃You used to want to; and now you don't。 Really I don't understand
  you; my dear。 One day you are dull; and the next you refuse to see
  anyone。〃
  〃But I never said I was dull。〃
  〃Why; you said yourself you don't want even to see her。 She is a
  very admirable young woman and you always liked her; but now
  suddenly you have got some notion or other in your head。 You hide
  everything from me。〃
  〃Not at all; Mamma。〃
  〃If I were asking you to do something disagreeable now… but I only
  ask you to return a call。 One would think mere politeness required
  it。。。。 Well; I have asked you; and now I won't interfere any more
  since you have secrets from your mother。〃
  〃Well; then; I'll go if you wish it。〃
  〃It doesn't matter to me。 I only wish it for your sake。〃
  Nicholas sighed; bit his mustache; and laid out the cards for a
  patience; trying to divert his mother's attention to another topic。
  The same conversation was repeated next day and the day after; and
  the day after that。
  After her visit to the Rostovs and her unexpectedly chilly reception
  by Nicholas; Princess Mary confessed to herself that she had been
  right in not wishing to be the first to call。
  〃I expected nothing else;〃 she told herself; calling her pride to
  her aid。 〃I have nothing to do with him and I only wanted to see the
  old lady; who was always kind to me and to whom I am under many
  obligations。〃
  But she could not pacify herself with these reflections; a feeling
  akin to remorse troubled her when she thought of her visit。 Though she
  had firmly resolved not to call on the Rostovs again and to forget the
  whole matter; she felt herself all the time in an awkward position。
  And when she asked herself what distressed her; she had to admit
  that it was her relation to Rostov。 His cold; polite manner did not
  express his feeling for her (she knew that) but it concealed
  something; and until she could discover what that something was; she
  felt that she could not be at ease。
  One day in midwinter when sitting in the schoolroom attending to her
  nephew's lessons; she was informed that Rostov had called。 With a firm
  resolution not to betray herself and not show her agitation; she
  sent for Mademoiselle Bourienne and went with her to the drawing room。
  Her first glance at Nicholas' face told her that he had only come to
  fulfill the demands of politeness; and she firmly resolved to maintain
  the tone in which he addressed her。
  They spoke of the countess' health; of their mutual friends; of
  the latest war news; and when the ten minutes required by propriety
  had elapsed after which a visitor may rise; Nicholas got up to say
  good…by。
  With Mademoiselle Bourienne's help the princess had maintained the
  conversation very well; but at the very last moment; just when he
  rose; she was so tired of talking of what did not interest her; and
  her mind was so full of the question why she alone was granted so
  little happiness in life; that in a fit of absent…mindedness she sat
  still; her luminous eyes gazing fixedly before her; not noticing
  that he had risen。
  Nicholas glanced at her and; wishing to appear not to notice her
  abstraction; made some remark to Mademoiselle Bourienne and then again
  looked at the princess。 She still sat motionless with a look of
  suffering on her gentle face。 He suddenly felt sorry for her and was
  vaguely conscious that he might be the cause of the sadness her face
  expressed。 He wished to help her and say something pleasant; but could
  think of nothing to say。
  〃Good…by; Princess!〃 said he。
  She started; flushed; and sighed deeply。
  〃Oh; I beg your pardon;〃 she said as if waking up。 〃Are you going
  already; Count? Well then; good…by! Oh; but the cushion for the
  countess!〃
  〃Wait a moment; I'll fetch it;〃 said Mademoiselle Bourienne; and she
  left the room。
  They both sat silent; with an occasional glance at one another。
  〃Yes; Princess;〃 said Nicholas at last with a sad smile; 〃it doesn't
  seem long ago since we first met at Bogucharovo; but how much water
  has flowed since then! In what distress we all seemed to be then;
  yet I would give much to bring back that time。。。 but there's no
  bringing it back。〃
  Princess Mary gazed intently into his eyes with her own luminous
  ones as he said this。 She seemed to be trying to fathom the hidden
  meaning of his words which would explain his feeling for her。
  〃Yes; yes;〃 said she; 〃but you have no reason to regret the past;
  Count。 As I understand your present life; I think you will always
  recall it with satisfaction; because the self…sacrifice that fills
  it now。。。〃
  〃I cannot accept your praise;〃 he interrupted her hurriedly。 〃On the
  contrary I continually reproach myself。。。。 But this is not at all an
  interesting or cheerful subject。〃
  His face again resumed its former stiff and cold expression。 But the
  princess had caught a glimpse of the man she had known and loved;
  and it was to him that she now spoke。
  〃I thought you would allow me to tell you this;〃 she said。 〃I had
  come so near to you。。。 and to all your family that I thought you would
  not consider my sympathy misplaced; but I was mistaken;〃 and
  suddenly her voice trembled。 〃I don't know why;〃 she continued;
  recovering herself; 〃but you used to be different; and。。。〃
  〃There are a thousand reasons why;〃 laying special emphasis on the
  why。 〃Thank you; Princess;〃 he added softly。 〃Sometimes it is hard。〃
  〃So that's why! That's why!〃 a voice whispered in Princess Mary's
  soul。 〃No; it was not only that gay; kind; and frank look; not only
  that handsome exterior; that I loved in him。 I divined his noble;
  resolute; self…sacrificing spirit too;〃 she said to herself。 〃Yes;
  he is poor now and I am rich。。。。 Yes; that's the only reason。。。。
  Yes; were it not for that。。。〃 And remembering his former tenderness;
  and looking now at his kind; sorrowful face; she suddenly understood
  the cause of his coldness。
  〃But why; Count; why?〃 she almost cried; unconsciously moving closer
  to him。 〃Why? Tell me。 You must tell me!〃
  He was silent。
  〃I don't understand your why; Count;〃 she continued; 〃but it's
  hard for me。。。 I confess it。 For some reason you wish to deprive me of
  our former friendship。 And that hurts me。〃 There were tears in her
  eyes and in her voice。 〃I have had so little happiness in life that
  every loss is hard for me to bear。。。。 Excuse me; good…by!〃 and
  suddenly she began to cry and was hurrying from the room。
  〃Princess; for God's sake!〃 he exclaimed; trying to stop her。
  〃Princess!〃
  She turned round。 For a few seconds they gazed silently into one
  another's eyes… and what had seemed impossible and remote suddenly
  became possible; inevitable; and very near。
  EP1|CH7
  CHAPTER VII
  In the winter of 1813 Nicholas married Princess Mary and moved to
  Bald Hills with his wife; his mother; and Sonya。
  Within four years he had paid off all his remaining debts without
  selling any of his wife's property; and having received a small
  inheritance on the death of a cousin he paid his debt to Pierre as
  well。
  In another three years; by 1820; he had so managed his affairs
  that he was able to buy a small estate adjoining Bald Hills and was
  negotiating to buy back Otradnoe… that being his pet dream。
  Having started farming from necessity; he soon grew so devoted to it
  that it became his favorite and almost his sole occupation。 Nicholas
  was a plain farmer: he did not like innovations; especially the
  English ones then coming into vogue。 He laughed at theoretical
  treatises on estate management; disliked factories; the raising of
  expensive products; and the buying of expensive seed corn; and did not
  make a hobby of any particular part of the work on his estate。 He
  always had before his mind's eye the estate as a whole and not any
  particular part of it。 The chief thing in his eyes was not the
  nitrogen in the soil; nor the oxygen in the air; nor manures; nor
  special plows; but that most important agent by which nitrogen;
  oxygen; manure; and plow were made effective… the peasant laborer。
  When Nicholas first began farming and began to understand its
  different branches; it was the serf who especially attracted his
  attention。 The peasant seemed