第 46 节
作者:左思右想      更新:2022-08-26 22:14      字数:9322
  s never seen out of temper for a moment; and occasionally; when she herself had assumed the post of English teacher; and the impertinence or inattention of her pupils was most irritating; a slight increase of colour; a momentary sparkling of the eye; and more decided energy of manner; were the only outward tokens she gave of being conscious of the annoyance to which she was subjected。  But this dignified endurance of hers subdued her pupils; in the long run; far more than the voluble tirades of the other mistresses。  My informant adds:… 〃The effect of this manner was singular。  I can speak from personal experience。  I was at that time high…spirited and impetuous; not respecting the French mistresses; yet; to my own astonishment; at one word from her; I was perfectly tractable; so much so; that at length; M。 and Madame Heger invariably preferred all their wishes to me through her; the other pupils did not; perhaps; love her as I did; she was so quiet and silent; but all respected her。〃
  With the exception of that part which describes Charlotte's manner as English teacheran office which she did not assume for some months laterall this description of the school life of the two Brontes refers to the commencement of the new scholastic year in October 1842; and the extracts I have given convey the first impression which the life at a foreign school; and the position of the two Miss Brontes therein; made upon an intelligent English girl of sixteen。  I will make a quotation from 〃Mary's〃 letter referring to this time。
  〃The first part of her time at Brussels was not uninteresting。 She spoke of new people and characters; and foreign ways of the pupils and teachers。  She knew the hopes and prospects of the teachers; and mentioned one who was very anxious to marry; 'she was getting so old。'  She used to get her father or brother (I forget which) to be the bearer of letters to different single men; who she thought might be persuaded to do her the favour; saying that her only resource was to become a sister of charity if her present employment failed and that she hated the idea。  Charlotte naturally looked with curiosity to people of her own condition。 This woman almost frightened her。  'She declares there is nothing she can turn to; and laughs at the idea of delicacy;and she is only ten years older than I am!'  I did not see the connection till she said; 'Well; Polly; I should hate being a sister of charity; I suppose that would shock some people; but I should。'  I thought she would have as much feeling as a nurse as most people; and more than some。  She said she did not know how people could bear the constant pressure of misery; and never to change except to a new form of it。  It would be impossible to keep one's natural feelings。  I promised her a better destiny than to go begging any one to marry her; or to lose her natural feelings as a sister of charity。  She said; 'My youth is leaving me; I can never do better than I have done; and I have done nothing yet。'  At such times she seemed to think that most human beings were destined by the pressure of worldly interests to lose one faculty and feeling after another 'till they went dead altogether。  I hope I shall be put in my grave as soon as I'm dead; I don't want to walk about so。'  Here we always differed。  I thought the degradation of nature she feared was a consequence of poverty; and that she should give her attention to earning money。  Sometimes she admitted this; but could find no means of earning money。  At others she seemed afraid of letting her thoughts dwell on the subject; saying it brought on the worst palsy of all。  Indeed; in her position; nothing less than entire constant absorption in petty money matters could have scraped together a provision。
  〃Of course artists and authors stood high with Charlotte; and the best thing after their works would have been their company。  She used very inconsistently to rail at money and money…getting; and then wish she was able to visit all the large towns in Europe; see all the sights and know all the celebrities。  This was her notion of literary fame;a passport to the society of clever people 。 。 。 When she had become acquainted with the people and ways at Brussels her life became monotonous; and she fell into the same hopeless state as at Miss W…'s; though in a less degree。  I wrote to her; urging her to go home or elsewhere; she had got what she wanted (French); and there was at least novelty in a new place; if no improvement。  That if she sank into deeper gloom she would soon not have energy to go; and she was too far from home for her friends to hear of her condition and order her home as they had done from Miss W…'s。  She wrote that I had done her a great service; that she should certainly follow my advice; and was much obliged to me。  I have often wondered at this letter。  Though she patiently tolerated advice; she could always quietly put it aside; and do as she thought fit。  More than once afterwards she mentioned the 'service' I had done her。  She sent me 10L。 to New Zealand; on hearing some exaggerated accounts of my circumstances; and told me she hoped it would come in seasonably; it was a debt she owed me 'for the service I had done her。'  I should think 10L。 was a quarter of her income。  The 'service' was mentioned as an apology; but kindness was the real motive。〃
  The first break in this life of regular duties and employments came heavily and sadly。  Marthapretty; winning; mischievous; tricksome Marthawas taken ill suddenly at the Chateau de Koekelberg。  Her sister tended her with devoted love; but it was all in vain; in a few days she died。  Charlotte's own short account of this event is as follows:…
  〃Martha T。's illness was unknown to me till the day before she died。  I hastened to Koekelberg the next morningunconscious that she was in great dangerand was told that it was finished。  She had died in the night。  Mary was taken away to Bruxelles。  I have seen Mary frequently since。  She is in no ways crushed by the event; but while Martha was ill; she was to her more than a mothermore than a sister:  watching; nursing; cherishing her so tenderly; so unweariedly。  She appears calm and serious now; no bursts of violent emotion; no exaggeration of distress。  I have seen Martha's gravethe place where her ashes lie in a foreign country。〃
  Who that has read 〃Shirley〃 does not remember the few lines perhaps half a pageof sad recollection?
  〃He has no idea that little Jessy will die young; she is so gay; and chattering; and archoriginal even now; passionate when provoked; but most affectionate if caressed; by turns gentle and rattling; exacting yet generous; fearless 。 。 。 yet reliant on any who will help her。  Jessy; with her little piquant face; engaging prattle; and winning ways; is made to be a pet。
  * * *
  〃Do you know this place?  No; you never saw it; but you recognise the nature of these trees; this foliagethe cypress; the willow; the yew。  Stone crosses like these are not unfamiliar to you; nor are these dim garlands of everlasting flowers。  Here is the place: green sod and a grey marble head…stoneJessy sleeps below。  She lived through an April day; much loved was she; much loving。  She often; in her brief life; shed tearsshe had frequent sorrows; she smiled between; gladdening whatever saw her。  Her death was tranquil and happy in Rose's guardian arms; for Rose had been her stay and defence through many trials; the dying and the watching English girls were at that hour alone in a foreign country; and the soil of that country gave Jessy a grave。
  * * *
  〃But; Jessy; I will write about you no more。  This is an autumn evening; wet and wild。  There is only one cloud in the sky; but it curtains it from pole to pole。  The wind cannot rest; it hurries sobbing over hills of sullen outline; colourless with twilight and mist。  Rain has beat all day on that church tower〃 (Haworth):  〃it rises dark from the stony enclosure of its graveyard:  the nettles; the long grass; and the tombs all drip with wet。  This evening reminds me too forcibly of another evening some years ago: a howling; rainy autumn evening toowhen certain who had that day performed a pilgrimage to a grave new made in a heretic cemetery; sat near a wood fire on the hearth of a foreign dwelling。  They were merry and social; but they each knew that a gap; never to be filled; had been made in their circle。  They knew they had lost something whose absence could never be quite atoned for; so long as they lived; and they knew that heavy falling rain was soaking into the wet earth which covered their lost darling; and that the sad; sighing gale was mourning above her buried head。  The fire warmed them; Life and Friendship yet blessed them:  but Jessy lay cold; coffined; solitaryonly the sod screening her from the storm。〃
  This was the first death that had occurred in the small circle of Charlotte's immediate and intimate friends since the loss of her two sisters long ago。  She was still in the midst of her deep sympathy with 〃Mary;〃 when word came from home that her aunt; Miss Branwell; was ailingwas very ill。  Emily and Charlotte immediately resolved to go home straight; and hastily packed up for England; doubtful whether they should ever return to Brussels or