at　else；　have　been　content　to　live　on　at　this　dreary　spotan　animal；　eating　and　drinking；　for　tomorrow　I　die？　Yet　it　has　been　so。　　My　world；　that　world　of　which　I　once　dreamt　so　much；　has　beenhere。　　My　famewhich　was　to　reach　the　ends　of　the　earth　has　penetrated　to　the　neighbouring　stations。　　I　am　considered　a　〃good　preacher〃　by　my　sheep…feeding　friends。　　It　is　kind　of　them。
  Yet；　on　the　eve　of　leaving　it；　I　confess　that　this　solitary　life　has　not　been　without　its　charms。　　I　have　had　my　books　and　my　thoughts　though　at　times　the　latter　were　but　grim　companions。　　I　have　striven　with　my　familiar　sin；　and　have　not　always　been　worsted。　　Melancholy　reflection。　〃Not　always！〃　　〃But　yet〃　is　as　a　gaoler　to　bring　forth　some　monstrous　malefactor。　　I　vowed；　however；　that　I　would　not　cheat　myself　in　this　diary　of　mine；　and　I　will　not。　　No　evasions；　no　glossings　over　of　my　own　sins。　This　journal　is　my　confessor；　and　I　bare　my　heart　to　it。
  It　is　curious　the　pleasure　I　feel　in　setting　down　here　in　black　and　white　these　agonies　and　secret　cravings　of　which　I　dare　not　speak。　It　is　for　the　same　reason；　I　suppose；　that　murderers　make　confession　to　dogs　and　cats；　that　people　with　something　〃on　their　mind〃　are　given　to　thinking　aloud；　that　the　queen　of　Midas　must　needs　whisper　to　the　sedges　the　secret　of　her　husband's　infirmity。　　Outwardly　I　am　a　man　of　God；　pious　and　grave　and　softly　spoken。　　Inwardlywhat？　　The　mean；　cowardly；　weak　sinner　that　this　book　knows　me。。。Imp！　I　could　tear　you　in　pieces！。。。One　of　these　days　I　will。　　In　the　meantime；　I　will　keep　you　under　lock　and　key；　and　you　shall　hug　my　secrets　close。　　No；　old　friend；　with　whom　I　have　communed　so　long；　forgive　me；　forgive　me。　You　are　to　me　instead　of　wife　or　priest。　　I　tell　to　your　cold　blue　pages　how　much　was　it　I　bought　you　for　in　Parramatta；　rascal？these　stories；　longings；　remorses；　which　I　would　fain　tell　to　human　ear　could　I　find　a　human　being　as　discreet　as　thou。　　It　has　been　said　that　a　man　dare　not　write　all　his　thoughts　and　deeds；　the　words　would　blister　the　paper。　Yet　your　sheets　are　smooth　enough；　you　fat　rogue！　Our　neighbours　of　Rome　know　human　nature。　　A　man　must　confess。　　One　reads　of　wretches　who　have　carried　secrets　in　their　bosoms　for　years；　and　blurted　them　forth　at　last。　　I；　shut　up　here　without　companionship；　without　sympathy；　without　letters；　cannot　lock　up　my　soul；　and　feed　on　my　own　thoughts。　They　will　out；　and　so　I　whisper　them　to　thee。
  What　art　thou；　thou　tremendous　power　Who　dost　inhabit　us　without　our　leave；　And　art；　within　ourselves；　another　self；　A　master　self　that　loves　to　domineer？
  What？　　Conscience？　　That　is　a　word　to　frighten　children。　　The　conscience　of　each　man　is　of　his　own　making。　　My　friend　the　shark…toothed　cannibal　whom　Staples　brought　in　his　whaler　to　Sydney　would　have　found　his　conscience　reproach　him　sorely　did　he　refuse　to　partake　of　the　feasts　made　sacred　by　the　customs　of　his　ancestors　A　spark　of　divinity？　The　divinity　that；　according　to　received　doctrine；　sits　apart；　enthroned　amid　sweet　music；　and　leaves　poor　humanity　to　earn　its　condemnation　as　it　may？　　I'll　have　none　of　thatthough　I　preach　it。　　One　must　soothe　the　vulgar　senses　of　the　people　Priesthood　has　its　〃pious　frauds〃。　The　Master　spoke　in　parables。　　Wit？　　The　wit　that　sees　how　ill…balanced　are　our　actions　and　our　aspirations？　　The　devilish　wit　born　of　our　own　brain；　that　sneers　at　us　for　our　own　failings？　　Perhaps　madness？　More　likely；　for　there　are　few　men　who　are　not　mad　one　hour　of　the　waking　twelve。　If　differing　from　the　judgment　of　the　majority　of　mankind　in　regard　to　familiar　things　be　madness；　I　suppose　I　am　mador　too　wise。　The　speculation　draws　near　to　hair…splitting。　　James　North；　recall　your　early　recklessness；　your　ruin；　and　your　redemption；　bring　your　mind　back　to　earth。　　Circumstances　have　made　you　what　you　are；　and　will　shape　your　destiny　for　you　without　your　interference。　　That's　comfortably　settled！
  Now　supposingto　take　another　canter　on　my　night…marethat　man　is　the　slave　of　circumstances　（a　doctrine　which　I　am　inclined　to　believe；　though　unwilling　to　confess）；　what　circumstance　can　have　brought　about　the　sudden　awakening　of　the　powers　that　be　to　James　North's　fitness　for　duty？
  HOBART　TOWN；　Jan。　12th。
  〃DEAR　NORTH；I　have　much　pleasure　in　informing　you　that　you　can　be　appointed　Protestant　chaplain　at　Norfolk　Island；　if　you　like。　　It　seems　that　they　did　not　get　on　well　with　the　last　man；　and　when　my　advic　was　asked；　I　at　once　recommended　you　for　the　office。　The　pay　is　small；　but　you　have　a　house　and　so　on。　It　is　certainly　better　than　Bathurst；　and　indeed　is　considered　rather　a　prize　in　the　clerical　lottery。
  〃There　is　to　be　an　investigation　into　affairs　down　there。　　Poor　old　Prattwho　went　down；　as　you　know；　at　the　earnest　solicitation　of　the　Governmentseems　to　have　become　absurdly　lenient　with　the　prisoners；　and　it　is　reported　that　the　island　is　in　a　frightful　state。　　Sir　Eardley　is　looking　out　for　some　disciplinarian　to　take　the　place　in　hand。
  〃In　the　meantime；　the　chaplaincy　is　vacant；　and　I　thought　of　you。〃
  I　must　consider　this　seeming　good　fortune　further。
  February　19th。I　accept。　　There　is　work　to　be　done　among　those　unhappy　men　that　may　be　my　purgation。　　The　authorities　shall　hear　me　yetthough　inquiry　was　stifled　at　Port　Arthur。　　By　the　way；　a　Pharaoh　had　arisen　who　knows　not　Joseph。　　It　is　evident　that　the　meddlesome　parson；　who　complained　of　men　being　flogged　to　death；　is　forgotten；　as　the　men　are！　　How　many　ghosts　must　haunt　the　dismal　loneliness　of　that　prison　shore！　　Poor　Burgess　is　gone　the　way　of　all　flesh。　　I　wonder　if　his　spirit　revisits　the　scenes　of　its　violences？　　I　have　written　〃poor〃　Burgess。
  It　is　strange　how　we　pity　a　man　gone　out　of　this　life。　　Enmity　is　extinguished　when　one　can　but　remember　injuries。　　If　a　man　had　injured　me；　the　fact　of　his　living　at　all　would　be　sufficient　grounds　for　me　to　hate　him；　if　I　had　injured　him；　I　should　hate　him　still　more。　　Is　that　the　reason　I　hate　myself　at　timesmy　greatest　enemy；　and　one　whom　I　have　injured　beyond　forgiveness？　　There　are　offences　against　one's　own　nature　that　are　not　to　be　forgiven。　　Isn't　it　Tacitus　who　says　〃the　hatred　of　those　most　nearly　related　is　most　inveterate〃？　　ButI　am　taking　flight　again。
  February　27th；　11。30　p。m。Nine　Creeks　Station。　　I　do　like　to　be　accurate　in　names；　dates；　etc。　　Accuracy　is　a　virtue。　　To　exercise　it；　then。　Station　ninety　miles　from　Bathurst。　　I　should　say　about　4；000　head　of　cattle。　Luxury　without　refinement。　　Plenty　to　eat；　drink；　and　read。　Hostess's　nameCarr。　　She　is　a　well…preserved　creature；　about　thirty…four　years　of　age；　and　a　clever　womannot　in　a　poetical　sense；　but　in　the　widest　worldly　acceptation　of　the　term。　　At　the　same　time；　I　should　be　sorry　to　be　her　husband。　　Women　have　no　business　with　a　brain　like　hersthat　is；　if　they　wish　to　be　women　and　not　sexual　monsters。　　Mrs。　Carr　is　not　a　lady；　though　she　might　have　been　one。　　I　don't　think　she　is　a　good　woman　either。　It　is　possible；　indeed；　that　she　has　known　the　factory　before　now。　There　is　a　mystery　about　her；　for　I　was　informed　that　she　was　a　Mrs。　Purfoy；　the　widow　of　a　whaling　captain；　and　had　married　one　of　her　assigned　servants；　who　had　deserted　her　five　years　ago；　as　soon　as　he　obtained　his　freedom。　A　word　or　two　at　dinner　set　me　thinking。　　She　had　received　some　English　papers；　and；　accounting　for　her　pre…occupied　manner；　grimly　said；　〃I　think　I　have　news　of　my　husband。〃　I　should　not　like　to　be　in　Carr's　shoes　if　she　has　news　of　him！　I　don't　think　she　would　suffer　indignity　calmly。　After　all；　what　business　is　it　of　mine？　　I　was　beguiled　into　taking　more　wine　at　dinner　than　I　needed。　　Confessor；　do　you　hear　me？　But　I　will　not　allow　myself　to　be　carried　away。　　You　grin；　you　fat　Familiar！　So　may　I；　but　I　shall　be　eaten　with　remorse　tomorrow。
  March　3rd。A　place　called　Jerrilang；　where　I　have　a　head　and　heartache。　〃One　that　hath　let　go　himself　from　the　hold　and　stay　of　reason；　and　lies　open　to　the　mercy　of　all　temptations。〃
  March　20th。Sydney。　　At　Captain　Frere's。Seventeen　days　since　I　have　opened　you；　beloved　and　detested　companion　of　mine。　　I　have　more　than　half　a　mind　to　never　open　you　again！　　To　read　you　is　to　recall　to　myself　all　I　would　most　willingly　forget；　yet　not　to　read　you　would　be　to　forget　all　that　which　I　should　for　my　sins　remember。
  The　last　week　has　made　a　new　man　of　me。　　I　am　no　longer　morose；　despairing；　and　bitter；　but　genial；　and　on　good　terms　with　fortune。　It　is　strange　that　accident　should　have　induced　me　to　stay　a　week　under　the　same　roof　with　that　vision　of　brightness　which　has　haunted　me　so　long。　　A　meeting　in　the　street；　an　introduction；　an　invitation　the　thing　is　done。
  The　circumstances　which　form　our　fortunes　are　certainly　curious　things。　I　had　thought　never　again　to　meet　the　bright　young　face　to　which　I　felt　so　strange　an　attractionand　lo！　here　it　is　smiling　on　me　daily。　Captain　Frere　should　be　a　happy　man。　　Yet　there　is　a　skeleton　in　this　house　also。　　That　young　wife；　by　nature　so　lovable　and　so　mirthful；　ought　not　to　have　the　sadness　on　her　face　that　twice　to…day　has　clouded　it。　He　seems　a　passionate　and　boorish　creature；　this　wonderful　convict　disciplinarian。　　His　convictspoor　devilsare　doubtless　disciplined　enough。　Charming　little　Sy