第 43 节
作者:想聊      更新:2022-08-26 22:12      字数:9322
  e to her a living shame; scarcely less degrading than that which she had dreaded。
  But success was almost impossible。  He did not dare to retrace his steps through the hideous labyrinth into which he had plunged。  Was he to show his scarred shoulders as a proof that he was a gentleman and an innocent man? Was he to relate the nameless infamies of Macquarie Harbour as a proof that he was entitled to receive the hospitalities of the generous; and to sit; a respected guest; at the tables of men of refinement? Was he to quote the horrible slang of the prison…ship; and retail the filthy jests of the chain…gang and the hulks; as a proof that he was a fit companion for pure…minded women and innocent children? Suppose even that he could conceal the name of the real criminal; and show himself guiltless of the crime for which he had been condemned; all the wealth in the world could not buy back that blissful ignorance of evil which had once been his。  All the wealth in the world could not purchase the self…respect which had been cut out of him by the lash; or banish from his brain the memory of his degradation。
  For hours this agony of thought racked him。  He cried out as though with physical pain; and then lay in a stupor; exhausted with actual physical suffering。  It was hopeless to think of freedom and of honour。 Let him keep silence; and pursue the life fate had marked out for him。 He would return to bondage。  The law would claim him as an absconder; and would mete out to him such punishment as was fitting。 Perhaps he might escape severest punishment; as a reward for his exertions in saving the child。  He might consider himself fortunate if such was permitted to him。  Fortunate!  Suppose he did not go back at all; but wandered away into the wilderness and died?  Better death than such a doom as his。 Yet need he die?  He had caught goats; he could catch fish。 He could build a hut。  In here was; perchance; at the deserted settlement some remnant of seed corn that; planted; would give him bread。 He had built a boat; he had made an oven; he had fenced in a hut。 Surely he could contrive to live alone savage and free。  Alone! He had contrived all these marvels alone!  Was not the boat he himself had built below upon the shore?  Why not escape in her; and leave to their fate the miserable creatures who had treated him with such ingratitude?
  The idea flashed into his brain; as though someone had spoken the words into his ear。  Twenty strides would place him in possession of the boat; and half an hour's drifting with the current would take him beyond pursuit。 Once outside the Bar; he would make for the westward; in the hopes of falling in with some whaler。  He would doubtless meet with one before many days; and he was well supplied with provision and water in the meantime。  A tale of shipwreck would satisfy the sailors; andhe pausedhe had forgotten that the rags which he wore would betray him。 With an exclamation of despair; he started from the posture in which he was lying。  He thrust out his hands to raise himself; and his fingers came in contact with something soft。  He had been lying at the foot of some loose stones that were piled cairnwise beside a low…growing bush; and the object that he had touched was protruding from beneath these stones。  He caught it and dragged it forth。 It was the shirt of poor Bates。  With trembling hands he tore away the stones; and pulled forth the rest of the garments。  They seemed as though they had been left purposely for him。  Heaven had sent him the very disguise he needed。
  The night had passed during his reverie; and the first faint streaks of dawn began to lighten in the sky。  Haggard and pale; he rose to his feet; and scarcely daring to think about what he proposed to do; ran towards the boat。  As he ran; however; the voice that he had heard encouraged him。  〃Your life is of more importance than theirs。 They will die; but they have been ungrateful and deserve death。 You will escape out of this Hell; and return to the loving heart who mourns you。  You can do more good to mankind than by saving the lives of these people who despise you。  Moreover; they may not die。 They are sure to be sent for。  Think of what awaits you when you return an absconded convict!〃
  He was within three feet of the boat; when he suddenly checked himself; and stood motionless; staring at the sand with as much horror as though he saw there the Writing which foretold the doom of Belshazzar。 He had come upon the sentence traced by Sylvia the evening before; and glittering in the low light of the red sun suddenly risen from out the sea; it seemed to him that the letters had shaped themselves at his very feet;
  GOOD MR。 DAWES。
  〃Good Mr。 Dawes〃!  What a frightful reproach there was to him in that simple sentence!  What a world of cowardice; baseness; and cruelty; had not those eleven letters opened to him!  He heard the voice of the child who had nursed him; calling on him to save her。  He saw her at that instant standing between him and the boat; as she had stood when she held out to him the loaf; on the night of his return to the settlement。
  He staggered to the cavern; and; seizing the sleeping Frere by the arm; shook him violently。  〃Awake!  awake!〃 he cried; 〃and let us leave this place!〃 Frere; starting to his feet; looked at the white face and bloodshot eyes of the wretched man before him with blunt astonishment。  〃What's the matter with you; man?〃 he said。  〃You look as if you'd seen a ghost!〃
  At the sound of his voice Rufus Dawes gave a long sigh; and drew his hand across his eyes。
  〃Come; Sylvia!〃 shouted Frere。  〃It's time to get up。  I am ready to go!〃
  The sacrifice was complete。  The convict turned away; and two great glistening tears rolled down his rugged face; and fell upon the sand。
  CHAPTER XVII。
  AT SEA。
  An hour after sunrise; the frail boat; which was the last hope of these four human beings; drifted with the outgoing current towards the mouth of the harbour。  When first launched she had come nigh swamping; being overloaded; and it was found necessary to leave behind a great portion of the dried meat。  With what pangs this was done can be easily imagined; for each atom of food seemed to represent an hour of life。  Yet there was no help for it。  As Frere said; it was 〃neck or nothing with them〃。  They must get away at all hazards。
  That evening they camped at the mouth of the Gates; Dawes being afraid to risk a passage until the slack of the tide; and about ten o'clock at night adventured to cross the Bar。  The night was lovely; and the sea calm。 It seemed as though Providence had taken pity on them; for; notwithstanding the insecurity of the craft and the violence of the breakers; the dreaded passage was made with safety。  Once; indeed; when they had just entered the surf; a mighty wave; curling high above them; seemed about to overwhelm the frail structure of skins and wickerwork; but Rufus Dawes; keeping the nose of the boat to the sea; and Frere baling with his hat; they succeeded in reaching deep water。 A great misfortune; however; occurred。  Two of the bark buckets; left by some unpardonable oversight uncleated; were washed overboard; and with them nearly a fifth of their scanty store of water。 In the face of the greater peril; the accident seemed trifling; and as; drenched and chilled; they gained the open sea; they could not but admit that fortune had almost miraculously befriended them。
  They made tedious way with their rude oars; a light breeze from the north…west sprang up with the dawn; and; hoisting the goat…skin sail; they crept along the coast。  It was resolved that the two men should keep watch and watch; and Frere for the second time enforced his authority by giving the first watch to Rufus Dawes。  〃I am tired;〃 he said; 〃and shall sleep for a little while。〃   Rufus Dawes; who had not slept for two nights; and who had done all the harder work; said nothing。  He had suffered so much during the last two days that his senses were dulled to pain。
  Frere slept until late in the afternoon; and; when he woke; found the boat still tossing on the sea; and Sylvia and her mother both seasick。  This seemed strange to him。  Sea…sickness appeared to be a malady which belonged exclusively to civilization。  Moodily watching the great green waves which curled incessantly between him and the horizon; he marvelled to think how curiously events had come about。  A leaf had; as it were; been torn out of his autobiography。  It seemed a lifetime since he had done anything but moodily scan the sea or shore。  Yet; on the morning of leaving the settlement; he had counted the notches on a calendar…stick he carried; and had been astonished to find them but twenty…two in number。  Taking out his knife; he cut two nicks in the wicker gunwale of the coracle。  That brought him to twenty…four days。 The mutiny had taken place on the 13th of January; it was now the 6th of February。  〃Surely;〃 thought he; 〃the Ladybird might have returned by this time。〃 There was no one to tell him that the Ladybird had been driven into Port Davey by stress of weather; and detained there for seventeen days。
  That night the wind fell; and they had to take to their oars。 Rowing all night; they made but little progre