第 58 节
作者:白寒      更新:2022-07-12 16:24      字数:9322
  tasted all the pleasures of childhood again; thanks to the strange
  hallucination of apparent convalescence; which is not unlike the
  pauses of delirium that nature mercifully provides for those in pain。
  He went about making trifling discoveries; setting to work on endless
  things; and finishing none of them; the evening's plans were quite
  forgotten in the morning; he had no cares; he was happy; he thought
  himself saved。
  One morning he had lain in bed till noon; deep in the dreams between
  sleep and waking; which give to realities a fantastic appearance; and
  make the wildest fancies seem solid facts; while he was still
  uncertain that he was not dreaming yet; he suddenly heard his hostess
  giving a report of his health to Jonathan; for the first time。
  Jonathan came to inquire after him daily; and the Auvergnate; thinking
  no doubt that Valentin was still asleep; had not lowered the tones of
  a voice developed in mountain air。
  〃No better and no worse;〃 she said。 〃He coughed all last night again
  fit to kill himself。 Poor gentleman; he coughs and spits till it is
  piteous。 My husband and I often wonder to each other where he gets the
  strength from to cough like that。 It goes to your heart。 What a cursed
  complaint it is! He has no strength at all。 I am always afraid I shall
  find him dead in his bed some morning。 He is every bit as pale as a
  waxen Christ。 DAME! I watch him while he dresses; his poor body is as
  thin as a nail。 And he does not feel well now; but no matter。 It's all
  the same; he wears himself out with running about as if he had health
  and to spare。 All the same; he is very brave; for he never complains
  at all。 But really he would be better under the earth than on it; for
  he is enduring the agonies of Christ。 I don't wish that myself; sir;
  it is quite in our interests; but even if he didn't pay us what he
  does; I should be just as fond of him; it is not our own interest that
  is our motive。
  〃Ah; mon Dieu!〃 she continued; 〃Parisians are the people for these
  dogs' diseases。 Where did he catch it; now? Poor young man! And he is
  so sure that he is going to get well! That fever just gnaws him; you
  know; it eats him away; it will be the death of him。 He has no notion
  whatever of that; he does not know it; sir; he sees nothingYou
  mustn't cry about him; M。 Jonathan; you must remember that he will be
  happy; and will not suffer any more。 You ought to make a neuvaine for
  him; I have seen wonderful cures come of the nine days' prayer; and I
  would gladly pay for a wax taper to save such a gentle creature; so
  good he is; a paschal lamb〃
  As Raphael's voice had grown too weak to allow him to make himself
  heard; he was compelled to listen to this horrible loquacity。 His
  irritation; however; drove him out of bed at length; and he appeared
  upon the threshold。
  〃Old scoundrel!〃 he shouted to Jonathan; 〃do you mean to put me to
  death?〃
  The peasant woman took him for a ghost; and fled。
  〃I forbid you to have any anxiety whatever about my health;〃 Raphael
  went on。
  〃Yes; my Lord Marquis;〃 said the old servant; wiping away his tears。
  〃And for the future you had very much better not come here without my
  orders。〃
  Jonathan meant to be obedient; but in the look full of pity and
  devotion that he gave the Marquis before he went; Raphael read his own
  death…warrant。 Utterly disheartened; brought all at once to a sense of
  his real position; Valentin sat down on the threshold; locked his arms
  across his chest; and bowed his head。 Jonathan turned to his master in
  alarm; with 〃My Lord〃
  〃Go away; go away;〃 cried the invalid。
  In the hours of the next morning; Raphael climbed the crags; and sat
  down in a mossy cleft in the rocks; whence he could see the narrow
  path along which the water for the dwelling was carried。 At the base
  of the hill he saw Jonathan in conversation with the Auvergnate。 Some
  malicious power interpreted for him all the woman's forebodings; and
  filled the breeze and the silence with her ominous words。 Thrilled
  with horror; he took refuge among the highest summits of the
  mountains; and stayed there till the evening; but yet he could not
  drive away the gloomy presentiments awakened within him in such an
  unfortunate manner by a cruel solicitude on his account。
  The Auvergne peasant herself suddenly appeared before him like a
  shadow in the dusk; a perverse freak of the poet within him found a
  vague resemblance between her black and white striped petticoat and
  the bony frame of a spectre。
  〃The damp is falling now; sir;〃 said she。 〃If you stop out there; you
  will go off just like rotten fruit。 You must come in。 It isn't healthy
  to breathe the damp; and you have taken nothing since the morning;
  besides。〃
  〃TONNERRE DE DIEU! old witch;〃 he cried; 〃let me live after my own
  fashion; I tell you; or I shall be off altogether。 It is quite bad
  enough to dig my grave every morning; you might let it alone in the
  evenings at least〃
  〃Your grave; sir! I dig your grave!and where may your grave be? I
  want to see you as old as father there; and not in your grave by any
  manner of means。 The grave! that comes soon enough for us all; in the
  grave〃
  〃That is enough;〃 said Raphael。
  〃Take my arm; sir。〃
  〃No。〃
  The feeling of pity in others is very difficult for a man to bear; and
  it is hardest of all when the pity is deserved。 Hatred is a tonicit
  quickens life and stimulates revenge; but pity is death to usit
  makes our weakness weaker still。 It is as if distress simpered
  ingratiatingly at us; contempt lurks in the tenderness; or tenderness
  in an affront。 In the centenarian Raphael saw triumphant pity; a
  wondering pity in the child's eyes; an officious pity in the woman;
  and in her husband a pity that had an interested motive; but no matter
  how the sentiment declared itself; death was always its import。
  A poet makes a poem of everything; it is tragical or joyful; as things
  happen to strike his imagination; his lofty soul rejects all half…
  tones; he always prefers vivid and decided colors。 In Raphael's soul
  this compassion produced a terrible poem of mourning and melancholy。
  When he had wished to live in close contact with nature; he had of
  course forgotten how freely natural emotions are expressed。 He would
  think himself quite alone under a tree; whilst he struggled with an
  obstinate coughing fit; a terrible combat from which he never issued
  victorious without utter exhaustion afterwards; and then he would meet
  the clear; bright eyes of the little boy; who occupied the post of
  sentinel; like a savage in a bent of grass; the eyes scrutinized him
  with a childish wonder; in which there was as much amusement as
  pleasure; and an indescribable mixture of indifference and interest。
  The awful BROTHER; YOU MUST DIE; of the Trappists seemed constantly
  legible in the eyes of the peasants with whom Raphael was living; he
  scarcely knew which he dreaded most; their unfettered talk or their
  silence; their presence became torture。
  One morning he saw two men in black prowling about in his
  neighborhood; who furtively studied him and took observations。 They
  made as though they had come there for a stroll; and asked him a few
  indifferent questions; to which he returned short answers。 He
  recognized them both。 One was the cure and the other the doctor at the
  springs; Jonathan had no doubt sent them; or the people in the house
  had called them in; or the scent of an approaching death had drawn
  them thither。 He beheld his own funeral; heard the chanting of the
  priests; and counted the tall wax candles; and all that lovely fertile
  nature around him; in whose lap he had thought to find life once more;
  he saw no longer; save through a veil of crape。 Everything that but
  lately had spoken of length of days to him; now prophesied a speedy
  end。 He set out the next day for Paris; not before he had been
  inundated with cordial wishes; which the people of the house uttered
  in melancholy and wistful tones for his benefit。
  He traveled through the night; and awoke as they passed through one of
  the pleasant valleys of the Bourbonnais。 View after view swam before
  his gaze; and passed rapidly away like the vague pictures of a dream。
  Cruel nature spread herself out before his eyes with tantalizing
  grace。 Sometimes the Allier; a liquid shining ribbon; meandered
  through the distant fertile landscape; then followed the steeples of
  hamlets; hiding modestly in the depths of a ravine with its yellow
  cliffs; sometimes; after the monotony of vineyards; the watermills of
  a little valley would be suddenly seen; and everywhere there were
  pleasant chateaux; hillside villages; roads with their fringes of
  queenly poplars; and the Loire itself; at last; with its wide sheets
  of water sparkling like diamonds amid its golden sands。 Attractions
  everywhere; without end! This nature; all astir with a life and
  gladness like that of childhood; scarcely able to contain the impulses
  and sap of June; possessed a fatal attraction for the darkened gaze of
  the invalid。 He drew the blinds of his carriage windows; and betook
  himself again to slumber。
  Towards evening; after they had passed Cesne; he was awakened by
  lively music; and found himself confronted with a village fair。