第 179 节
作者:青涩春天      更新:2022-07-12 16:22      字数:9322
  her hand?
  She stole to the door of Number Three and listened。 The slow;
  regular breathing of a sleeping man was just audible。 After
  waiting a moment to let the feeling of relief quiet her; she took
  a step toward Number Four; and checked herself。 It was needless
  to listen at _that_ door。 The doctor had told her that Sleep came
  first; as certainly as Death afterward; in the poisoned air。 She
  looked aside at the clock。 The time had come for the fourth
  Pouring。
  Her hand began to tremble violently as she fed the funnel for the
  fourth time。 The fear of her husband was back again in her heart。
  What if some noise disturbed him before the sixth Pouring? What
  if he woke on a sudden (as she had often seen him wake) without
  any noise at all? She looked up and down the corridor。 The end
  room; in which Mr。 Bashwood had been concealed; offered itself to
  her as a place of refuge。 〃I might go in there!〃 she thought。
  〃Has he left the key?〃 She opened the door to look; and saw the
  handkerchief thrown down on the floor。 Was it Mr。 Bashwood's
  handkerchief; left there by accident? She examined it at the
  corners。 In the second corner she found her husband's name!
  Her first impulse hurried her to the staircase door; to rouse the
  steward and insist on an explanation。 The next moment she
  remembered the Purple Flask; and the danger of leaving the
  corridor。 She turned; and looked at the door of Number Three。 Her
  husband; on the evidence of the handkerchief; had unquestionably
  been out of his roomand Mr。 Bashwood had not told her。 Was he
  in his room now? In the violence of her agitation; as the
  question passed through her mind; she forgot the discovery which
  she had herself made not a minute before。 Again she listened at
  the door; again she heard the slow;
  regular breathing of the sleeping man。 The first time the
  evidence of her ears had been enough to quiet her; _this_ time;
  in the tenfold aggravation of her suspicion and her alarm; she
  was determined to have the evidence of her eyes as well。 〃All the
  doors open softly in this house;〃 she said to herself; 〃there's
  no fear of my waking him。〃 Noiselessly; by an inch at a time; she
  opened the unlocked door; and looked in the moment the aperture
  was wide enough。 In the little light she had let into the room;
  the sleeper's head was just visible on the pillow。 Was it quite
  as dark against the white pillow as her husband's head looked
  when he was in bed? Was the breathing as light as her husband's
  breathing when he was asleep?
  She opened the door more widely; and looked in by the clearer
  light。
  There lay the man whose life she had attempted for the third
  time; peacefully sleeping in the room that had been given to her
  husband; and in the air that could harm nobody!
  The inevitable conclusion overwhelmed her on the instant。 With a
  frantic upward action of her hands she staggered back into the
  passage。 The door of Allan's room fell to; but not noisily enough
  to wake him。 She turned as she heard it close。 For one moment she
  stood staring at it like a woman stupefied。 The next; her
  instinct rushed into action; before her reason recovered itself。
  In two steps she was at the door of Number Four。
  The door was locked。
  She felt over the wall with both hands; wildly and clumsily; for
  the button which she had seen the doctor press when he was
  showing the room to the visitors。 Twice she missed it。 The third
  time her eyes helped her hands; she found the button and pressed
  on it。 The mortise of the lock inside fell back; and the door
  yielded to her。
  Without an instant's hesitation she entered the room。 Though the
  door was openthough so short a time had elapsed since the
  fourth Pouring that but little more than half the contemplated
  volume of gas had been produced as yetthe poisoned air seized
  her; like the grasp of a hand at her throat; like the twisting of
  a wire round her head。 She found him on the floor at the foot of
  the bed: his head and one arm were toward the door; as if he had
  risen under the first feeling of drowsiness; and had sunk in the
  effort to leave the room。 With the desperate concentration of
  strength of which women are capable in emergencies; she lifted
  him and dragged him out into the corridor。 Her brain reeled as
  she laid him down; and crawled back on her knees to the room to
  shut out the poisoned air from pursuing them into the passage。
  After closing the door; she waited; without daring to look at him
  the while; for strength enough to rise and get to the window over
  the stairs。 When the window was opened; when the keen air of the
  early winter morning blew steadily in; she ventured back to him
  and raised his head; and looked for the first time closely at his
  face。
  Was it death that spread the livid pallor over his forehead and
  his cheeks; and the dull leaden hue on his eyelids and his lips?
  She loosened his cravat and opened his waistcoat; and bared his
  throat and breast to the air。 With her hand on his heart; with
  her bosom supporting his head; so that he fronted the window; she
  waited the event。 A time passed: a time short enough to be
  reckoned by minutes on the clock; and yet long enough to take her
  memory back over all her married life with himlong enough to
  mature the resolution that now rose in her mind as the one result
  that could come of the retrospect。 As her eyes rested on him; a
  strange composure settled slowly on her face。 She bore the look
  of a woman who was equally resigned to welcome the chance of his
  recovery; or to accept the certainty of his death。
  Not a cry or a tear had escaped her yet。 Not a cry or a tear
  escaped her when the interval had passed; and she felt the first
  faint fluttering of his heart; and heard the first faint catching
  of the breath of his lips。 She silently bent over him and kissed
  his forehead。 When she looked up again; the hard despair had
  melted from her face。 There was something softly radiant in her
  eyes; which lit her whole countenance as with an inner light; and
  made her womanly and lovely once more。
  She laid him down; and; taking off her shawl; made a pillow of it
  to support his head。 〃It might have been hard; love;〃 she said;
  as she felt the faint pulsation strengthening at his heart。 〃You
  have made it easy now。〃
  She rose; and; turning from him; noticed the Purple Flask in the
  place where she had left it since the fourth Pouring。 〃Ah;〃 she
  thought; quietly; 〃I had forgotten my best friendI had
  forgotten that there is more to pour in yet。〃
  With a steady hand; with a calm; attentive face; she fed the
  funnel for the fifth time。 〃Five minutes more;〃 she said; when
  she had put the Flask back; after a look at the clock。
  She fell into thoughtthought that only deepened the grave and
  gentle composure of her face。 〃Shall I write him a farewell
  word?〃 she asked herself。 〃Shall I tell him the truth before I
  leave him forever?〃
  Her little gold pencil…case hung with the other toys at her
  watch…chain。 After looking about her for a moment; she knelt over
  her husband and put her hand into the breast…pocket of his coat。
  His pocket…book was there。 Some papers fell from it as she
  unfastened the clasp。 One of them was the letter which had come
  to him from Mr。 Brock's death…bed。 She turned over the two sheets
  of note…paper on which the rector had written the words that had
  now come true; and found the last page of the last sheet a blank。
  On that page she wrote her farewell words; kneeling at her
  husband's side。
  〃I am worse than the worst you can think of me。 You have saved
  Armadale by changing rooms with him to…night; and you have saved
  him from Me。 You can guess now whose widow I should have claimed
  to be; if you had not preserved his life; and you will know what
  a wretch you married when you married the woman who writes these
  lines。 Still; I had some innocent moments; and then I loved you
  dearly。 Forget me; my darling; in the love of a better woman than
  I am。 I might; perhaps; have been that better woman myself; if I
  had not lived a miserable life before you met with me。 It matters
  little now。 The one atonement I can make for all the wrong I have
  done you is the atonement of my death。 It is not hard for me to
  die; now I know you will live。 Even my wickedness has one
  meritit has not prospered。 I have never been a happy woman。〃
  She folded the letter again; and put it into his hand; to attract
  his attention in that way when he came to himself。 As she gently
  closed his fingers on the paper and looked up; the last minute of
  the last interval faced her; recorded on the clock。
  She bent over him; and gave him her farewell kiss。
  〃Live; my angel; live!〃 she murmured; tenderly; with her lips
  just touching his。 〃All your life is before youa happy life;
  and an honored life; if you are freed from _me!_〃
  With a last; lingering tenderness; she parted the hair back from
  his forehead。 〃It is no merit to have loved you;〃 she said。 〃You
  are one of the men whom women all like。〃 She sighed and left him。
  It was her last weakness。 She bent her head affirmatively to the
  clock; as if it had been a living creature speaking to her; and
  fed the funnel for the last time; to the last drop left in the
  Flask。
  The waning m