第 151 节
作者:青涩春天      更新:2022-07-12 16:22      字数:9322
  came in。
  〃He was frightfully pale。 His eyes looked at me with a terrible
  despair in them。 He never answered when I expressed my surprise
  at his coming in so much sooner than usual; he wouldn't even tell
  me; when I asked the question; if he was ill。 Pointing
  peremptorily to the chair from which I had risen on his entering
  the room; he told me to sit down again; and then; after a moment;
  added these words: 'I have something serious to say to you。'
  〃I thought of what I had doneor; no; of what I had tried to
  doin that interval between half…past ten and half…past eleven;
  which I have left unnoticed in my diaryand the deadly sickness
  of terror; which I never felt at the time; came upon me now。 I
  sat down again; as I had been told; without speaking to
  Midwinter; and without looking at him。
  〃He took a turn up and down the room; and then came and stood
  over me。
  〃 'If Allan comes here to…morrow;' he began; 'and if you see
  him'
  〃His voice faltered; and he said no more。 There was some dreadful
  grief at his heart that was trying to master him。 But there are
  times when his will is a will of iron。 He took another turn in
  the room; and crushed it down。 He came back; and stood over me
  again。
  〃 'When Allan comes here to…morrow;' he resumed; 'let him come
  into my room; if he wants to see me。 I shall tell him that I find
  it impossi ble to finish the work I now have on hand as soon as I
  had hoped; and that he must; therefore; arrange to find a crew
  for the yacht without any assistance on my part。 If he comes; in
  his disappointment; to appeal to you; give him no hope of my
  being free in time to help him if he waits。 Encourage him to take
  the best assistance he can get from strangers; and to set about
  manning the yacht without any further delay。 The more occupation
  he has to keep him away from this house; and the less you
  encourage him to stay here if he does come; the better I shall be
  pleased。 Don't forget that; and don't forget one last direction
  which I have now to give you。 When the vessel is ready for sea;
  and when Allan invites us to sail with him; it is my wish that
  you should positively decline to go。 He will try to make you
  change your mind; for I shall; of course; decline; on my side; to
  leave you in this strange house; and in this foreign country; by
  yourself。 No matter what he says; let nothing persuade you to
  alter your decision。 Refuse; positively and finally! Refuse; I
  insist on it; to set your foot on the new yacht!'
  〃He ended quietly and firmly; with no faltering in his voice; and
  no signs of hesitation or relenting in his face。 The sense of
  surprise which I might otherwise have felt at the strange words
  he had addressed to me was lost in the sense of relief that they
  brought to my mind。 The dread of _those other words_ that I had
  expected to hear from him left me as suddenly as it had come。 I
  could look at him; I could speak to him once more。
  〃 'You may depend;' I answered; 'on my doing exactly what you
  order me to do。 Must I obey you blindly? Or may I know your
  reason for the extraordinary directions you have just given to
  me?'
  〃His; face darkened; and he sat down on the other side of my
  dressing…table; with a heavy; hopeless sigh。
  〃 'You may know the reason;' he said; 'if you wish it。' He waited
  a little; and considered。 'You have a right to know the reason;'
  he resumed; 'for you yourself are concerned in it。' He waited a
  little again; and again went on。 'I can only explain the strange
  request I have just made to you in one way;' be said。 'I must ask
  you to recall what happened in the next room; before Allan left
  us to…night。'
  〃He looked at me with a strange mixture of expressions in his
  face。 At one moment I thought he felt pity for me。 At another; it
  seemed more like horror of me。 I began to feel frightened again;
  I waited for his next words in silence。
  〃 'I know that I have been working too hard lately;' he went on;
  'and that my nerves are sadly shaken。 It is possible; in the
  state I am in now; that I may have unconsciously misinterpreted;
  or distorted; the circumstances that really took place。 You will
  do me a favor if you will test my recollection of what has
  happened by your own。 If my fancy has exaggerated anything; if my
  memory is playing me false anywhere; I entreat you to stop me;
  and tell me of it。'
  〃I commanded myself sufficiently to ask what the circumstances
  were to which he referred; and in what way I was personally
  concerned in them。
  〃 'You were personally concerned in them in this way;' he
  answered。 'The circumstances to which I refer began with your
  speaking to Allan about Miss Milroy; in what I thought a very
  inconsiderate and very impatient manner。 I am afraid I spoke just
  as petulantly on my side; and I beg your pardon for what I said
  to you in the irritation of the moment。 You left the room。 After
  a short absence; you came back again; and made a perfectly proper
  apology to Allan; which he received with his usual kindness and
  sweetness of temper。 While this went on; you and he were both
  standing by the supper…table; and Allan resumed some conversation
  which had already passed between you about the Neapolitan wine。
  He said he thought he should learn to like it in time; and he
  asked leave to take another glass of the wine we had on the
  table。 Am I right so far?'
  〃The words almost died on my lips; but I forced them out; and
  answered him that he was right so far。
  〃 'You took the flask out of Allan's hand;' he proceeded。 'You
  said to him; good…humoredly; 〃You know you don't really like the
  wine; Mr。 Armadale。 Let me make you something which may be more
  to your taste。 I have a recipe of my own for lemonade。 Will you
  favor me by trying it?〃 In those words; you made your proposal to
  him; and he accepted it。 Did he also ask leave to look on; and
  learn how the lemonade was made? and did you tell him that he
  would only confuse you; and that you would give him the recipe in
  writing; if he wanted it?'
  〃This time the words did really die on my lips。 I could only bow
  my head; and answer 'Yes' mutely in that way。 Midwinter went on。
  〃 'Allan laughed; and went to the window to look out at the Bay;
  and I went with him。 After a while Allan remarked; jocosely; that
  the mere sound of the liquids you were pouring out made him
  thirsty。 When he said this; I turned round from the window。 I
  approached you; and said the lemonade took a long time to make。
  You touched me; as I was walking away again; and handed me the
  tumbler filled to the brim。 At the same time; Allan turned round
  from the window; and I; in my turn; handed the tumbler to
  _him。_Is there any mistake so far?'
  〃The quick throbbing of my heart almost choked me。 I could just
  shake my headI could do no more。
  〃 'I saw Allan raise the tumbler to his lips。Did _you_ see it?
  I saw his face turn white in an instant。Did _you?_ I saw the
  glass fall from his hand on the floor。 I saw him stagger; and
  caught him before he fell。 Are these things true? For God's sake;
  search your memory; and tell meare these things true?'
  〃The throbbing at my heart seemed; for one breathless instant; to
  stop。 The next moment something fiery; something maddening; flew
  through me。 I started to my feet; with my temper in a flame;
  reckless of all consequences; desperate enough to say anything。
  〃 'Your questions are an insult! Your looks are an insult!' I
  burst out。 '_Do you think I tried to poison him?_'
  〃The words rushed out of my lips in spite of me。 They were the
  last words under heaven that any woman; in such a situation as
  mine; ought to have spoken。 And yet I spoke them!
  〃He rose in alarm and gave me my smelling…bottle。 'Hush! hush!'
  he said。 'You; too; are overwroughtyou; too; are overexcited by
  all that has happened to…night。 You are talking wildly and
  shockingly。 Good God! how can you have so utterly misunderstood
  me? Compose yourselfpray; compose yourself。'
  〃He might as well have told a wild animal to compose herself。
  Having been mad enough to say the words; I was mad enough next to
  return to the subject of the lemonade; in spite of his entreaties
  to me to be silent。
  〃 'I told you what I had put in the glass; the moment Mr。
  Armadale fainted;' I went on; insisting furiously on defending
  myself; when no attack was made on me。 'I told you I had taken
  the flask of brandy which you kept at your bedside; and mixed
  some of it with the lemonade。 How could I know that he had a
  nervous horror of the smell and taste of brandy? Didn't he say to
  me himself; when he came to his senses; It's my fault; I ought to
  have warned you to put no brandy in it? Didn't he remind you
  afterward of the time when you and he were in the Isle of Man
  together; and when the doctor there innocently made the same
  mistake with him that I made to…night?'
  '〃I laid a great stress on my innocenceand with some reason
  too。 Whatever else I may be; I pride myself on not being a
  hypocrite。 I _was_ innocentso far as the brandy was concerned。
  I had put it into the lemonade; in pure ignorance of Armadale's
  nervous peculiarity; to disguise the taste ofnever mind what!
  Another of the things I pride myself on is that I never wander
  from my subject。 What Mid