I　chose　their　horses　for　them；　and　their　wine：　and　showed　them　how
  to　play　billiards；　or　ecarte；　of　long　mornings；　when　there　was
  nothing　better　to　do。　　I　didn't　cheat：　I'd　rather　die　than　cheat；
  but　if　fellows　WILL　play；　I　wasn't　the　man　to　say　nowhy　should　I？
  There　was　one　young　chap　in　our　regiment　of　whom　I　really　think　I
  cleared　300L。　a　year。
  His　name　was　Dobble。　　He　was　a　tailor's　son；　and　wanted　to　be　a
  gentleman。　　A　poor　weak　young　creature；　easy　to　be　made　tipsy；　easy
  to　be　cheated；　and　easy　to　be　frightened。　　It　was　a　blessing　for
  him　that　I　found　him；　for　if　anybody　else　had；　they　would　have
  plucked　him　of　every　shilling。
  Ensign　Dobble　and　I　were　sworn　friends。　　I　rode　his　horses　for　him；
  and　chose　his　champagne；　and　did　everything；　in　fact；　that　a
  superior　mind　does　for　an　inferior；when　the　inferior　has　got　the
  money。　　We　were　inseparables；hunting　everywhere　in　couples。　　We
  even　managed　to　fall　in　love　with　two　sisters；　as　young　soldiers
  will　do；　you　know；　for　the　dogs　fall　in　love；　with　every　change　of
  quarters。
  Well；　once；　in　the　year　1793　（it　was　just　when　the　French　had
  chopped　poor　Louis's　head　off）；　Dobble　and　I；　gay　young　chaps　as
  ever　wore　sword　by　side；　had　cast　our　eyes　upon　two　young　ladies　by
  the　name　of　Brisket；　daughters　of　a　butcher　in　the　town　where　we
  were　quartered。　　The　dear　girls　fell　in　love　with　us；　of　course。
  And　many　a　pleasant　walk　in　the　country；　many　a　treat　to　a　tea…
  garden；　many　a　smart　ribbon　and　brooch　used　Dobble　and　I　（for　his
  father　allowed　him　600L。；　and　our　purses　were　in　common）　present　to
  these　young　ladies。　　One　day；　fancy　our　pleasure　at　receiving　a
  note　couched　thus：
  〃DEER　CAPTING　STUBBS　AND　DOBBLEMiss　Briskets　presents　their
  compliments；　and　as　it　is　probble　that　our　papa　will　be　till　twelve
  at　the　corprayshun　dinner；　we　request　the　pleasure　of　their　company
  to　tea。〃
  Didn't　we　go！　　Punctually　at　six　we　were　in　the　little　back…parlor；
  we　quaffed　more　Bohea；　and　made　more　love；　than　half　a　dozen
  ordinary　men　could。　　At　nine；　a　little　punch…bowl　succeeded　to　the
  little　teapot；　and；　bless　the　girls！　a　nice　fresh　steak　was
  frizzling　on　the　gridiron　for　our　supper。　　Butchers　were　butchers
  then；　and　their　parlor　was　their　kitchen　too；　at　least　old
  Brisket's　wasone　door　leading　into　the　shop；　and　one　into　the
  yard；　on　the　other　side　of　which　was　the　slaughter…house。
  Fancy；　then；　our　horror　when；　just　at　this　critical　time；　we　heard
  the　shop…door　open；　a　heavy　staggering　step　on　the　flags；　and　a
  loud　husky　voice　from　the　shop；　shouting；　〃Hallo；　Susan；　hallo；
  Betsy！　show　a　light！〃　　Dobble　turned　as　white　as　a　sheet；　the　two
  girls　each　as　red　as　a　lobster；　I　alone　preserved　my　presence　of
  mind。　　〃The　back…door；〃　says　I〃The　dog's　in　the　court；〃　say　they。
  〃He's　not　so　bad　as　the　man；〃　said　I。　　〃Stop！〃　cries　Susan；
  flinging　open　the　door；　and　rushing　to　the　fire。　　〃Take　THIS　and
  perhaps　it　will　quiet　him。〃
  What　do　you　think　〃THIS〃　was？　　I'm　blest　if　it　was　not　the　STEAK！
  She　pushed　us　out；　patted　and　hushed　the　dog；　and　was　in　again　in　a
  minute。　　The　moon　was　shining　on　the　court；　and　on　the　slaughter…
  house；　where　there　hung　the　white　ghastly…looking　carcasses　of　a
  couple　of　sheep；　a　great　gutter　ran　down　the　courta　gutter　of
  BLOOD！　　The　dog　was　devouring　his　beefsteak　（OUR　beefsteak）　in
  silence；　and　we　could　see　through　the　little　window　the　girls
  hustling　about　to　pack　up　the　supper…things；　and　presently　the
  shop…door　being　opened；　old　Brisket　entering；　staggering；　angry；
  and　drunk。　　What's　more；　we　could　see；　perched　on　a　high　stool；　and
  nodding　politely；　as　if　to　salute　old　Brisket；　the　FEATHER　OF
  DOBBLE'S　COCKED　HAT！　　When　Dobble　saw　it；　he　turned　white；　and
  deadly　sick；　and　the　poor　fellow；　in　an　agony　of　fright；　sunk
  shivering　down　upon　one　of　the　butcher's　cutting…blocks；　which　was
  in　the　yard。
  We　saw　old　Brisket　look　steadily　（as　steadily　as　he　could）　at　the
  confounded；　impudent；　pert；　waggling　feather；　and　then　an　idea
  began　to　dawn　upon　his　mind；　that　there　was　a　head　to　the　hat；　and
  then　he　slowly　rose　uphe　was　a　man　of　six　feet；　and　fifteen
  stonehe　rose　up；　put　on　his　apron　and　sleeves；　and　TOOK　DOWN　HIS
  CLEAVER。
  〃Betsy；〃　says　he；　〃open　the　yard　door。〃　　But　the　poor　girls
  screamed；　and　flung　on　their　knees；　and　begged；　and　wept；　and　did
  their　very　best　to　prevent　him。　　〃OPEN　THE　YARD　DOOR！〃　says　he；
  with　a　thundering　loud　voice；　and　the　great　bull…dog；　hearing　it；
  started　up　and　uttered　a　yell　which　sent　me　flying　to　the　other　end
  of　the　court。Dobble　couldn't　move；　he　was　sitting　on　the　block；
  blubbering　like　a　baby。
  The　door　opened；　and　out　Mr。　Brisket　came。
  〃TO　HIM；　JOWLER！〃　says　he。　　〃KEEP　HIM；　JOWLER！〃and　the　horrid　dog
  flew　at　me；　and　I　flew　back　into　the　corner；　and　drew　my　sword；
  determining　to　sell　my　life　dearly。
  〃That's　it；〃　says　Brisket。　　〃Keep　him　there；good　dog；good　dog！
  And　now；　sir；〃　says　he；　turning　round　to　Dobble；　〃is　this　your
  hat？〃
  〃Yes；〃　says　Dobble；　fit　to　choke　with　fright。
  〃Well；　then；〃　says　Brisket；　〃it's　my（hic）my　painful　duty　to
  （hic）to　tell　you；　that　as　I've　got　your　hat；　I　must　have　your
  head；it's　painful；　but　it　must　be　done。　　You'd　better（hic）
  settle　yourself　comcomfumarably　against　that（hic）that　block；
  and　I'll　chop　it　off　before　you　can　say　Jack（hic）no；　I　mean
  Jack　Robinson。〃
  Dobble　went　down　on　his　knees　and　shrieked　out；　〃I'm　an　only　son；
  Mr。　Brisket！　　I'll　marry　her；　sir；　I　will；　upon　my　honor；　sir。
  Consider　my　mother；　sir；　consider　my　mother。〃
  〃That's　it；　sir；〃　says　Brisket　that's　a　good（hic）a　good　boy；
  just　put　your　head　down　quietlyand　I'll　have　it　offyes；　offas
  if　you　were　Louis　the　Sixthe　Sixtixthe　Siktickleteenth。I'll
  chop　the　other　CHAP　AFTERWARDS。〃
  When　I　heard　this；　I　made　a　sudden　bound　back；　and　gave　such　a　cry
  as　any　man　might　who　was　in　such　a　way。　　The　ferocious　Jowler；
  thinking　I　was　going　to　escape；　flew　at　my　throat；　screaming
  furious；　I　flung　out　my　arms　in　a　kind　of　desperation；and；　to　my
  wonder；　down　fell　the　dog；　dead；　and　run　through　the　body！
  。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。
  At　this　moment　a　posse　of　people　rushed　in　upon　old　Brisket；one
  of　his　daughters　had　had　the　sense　to　summon　them；and　Dobble's
  head　was　saved。　　And　when　they　saw　the　dog　lying　dead　at　my　feet；
  my　ghastly　look；　my　bloody　sword；　they　gave　me　no　small　credit　for
  my　bravery。　　〃A　terrible　fellow　that　Stubbs；〃　said　they；　and　so　the
  mess　said；　the　next　day。
  I　didn't　tell　them　that　the　dog　had　committed　SUICIDEwhy　should
  I？　　And　I　didn't　say　a　word　about　Dobble's　cowardice。　　I　said　he
  was　a　brave　fellow；　and　fought　like　a　tiger；　and　this　prevented　HIM
  from　telling　tales。　　I　had　the　dogskin　made　into　a　pair　of　pistol…
  holsters；　and　looked　so　fierce；　and　got　such　a　name　for　courage　in
  our　regiment；　that　when　we　had　to　meet　the　regulars；　Bob　Stubbs　was
  always　the　man　put　forward　to　support　the　honor　of　the　corps。　　The
  women；　you　know；　adore　courage；　and　such　was　my　reputation　at　this
  time；　that　I　might　have　had　my　pick　out　of　half　a　dozen；　with
  three；　four；　or　five　thousand　pounds　apiece；　who　were　dying　for
  love　of　me　and　my　red　coat。　　But　I　wasn't　such　a　fool。　　I　had　been
  twice　on　the　point　of　marriage；　and　twice　disappointed；　and　I　vowed
  by　all　the　Saints　to　have　a　wife；　and　a　rich　one。　　Depend　upon
  this；　as　an　infallible　maxim　to　guide　you　through　life：　　IT'S　AS
  EASY　TO　GET　A　RICH　WIFE　AS　A　POOR　ONE；the　same　bait　that　will
  hook　a　fly　will　hook　a　salmon。
  JULY。SUMMARY　PROCEEDINGS。
  Dobble's　reputation　for　courage　was　not　increased　by　the　butcher's…
  dog　adventure；　but　mine　stood　very　high：　little　Stubbs　was　voted
  the　boldest　chap　of　all　the　bold　North　Bungays。　　And　though　I　must
  confess；　what　was　proved　by　subsequent　circumstances；　that　nature
  has　NOT　endowed　me　with　a　large；　or　even；　I　may　say；　an　average
  share　of　bravery；　yet　a　man　is　very　willing　to　flatter　himself　to
  the　contrary；　and；　after　a　little　time；　I　got　to　believe　that　my
  killing　the　dog　was　an　action　of　undaunted　courage；　and　that　I　was
  as　gallant　as　any　of　the　one　hundred　thousand　heroes　of　our　army。
  I　always　had　a　military　tasteit's　only　the　brutal　part　of　the
  profession；　the　horrid　fighting　and　blood；　that　I　don't　like。
  I　suppose　the　regiment　was　not　very　brave　itselfbeing　only
  militia；　but　certain　it　was；　that　Stubbs　was　considered　a　most
  terrible　fellow；　and　I　swore　so　much；　and　looked　so　fierce；　that
  you　would　have　fancied　I　had　made　half　a　hundred　campaigns。　　I　was
  second　in　several　duels；　the　umpire　in　all　disputes；　and　such　a
  crack…shot　myself；　that　fellows　were　shy　of　insulting　me。　　As　for
  Dobble；　I　took　him　under　my　protection；　and　he　became　so　attached
  to　me；　that　we　ate；　drank；　and　rode　together　every　day；　his　father
  didn't　care　for　money；　so　long　as　his　son　was　in　good　companyand
  what　so　good　as　that　of　the　celebrated　Stubbs？