his　eyes　out　（when；　dear　soul！　she　would　not　have　torn　the　eyes　out
  of　a　flea；　had　it　been　her　own　injury）；　and；　at　the　very　least；　for
  having　me　removed　from　the　school　where　I　had　been　so　shamefully
  treated。　　But　papa　was　stern　for　once；　and　vowed　that　I　had　been
  served　quite　right；　declared　that　I　should　not　be　removed　from
  school；　and　sent　old　Swishtail　a　brace　of　pheasants　for　what　he
  called　his　kindness　to　me。　　Of　these　the　old　gentleman　invited　me
  to　partake；　and　made　a　very　queer　speech　at　dinner；　as　he　was
  cutting　them　up；　about　the　excellence　of　my　parents；　and　his　own
  determination　to　be　KINDER　STILL　to　me；　if　ever　I　ventured　on　such
  practices　again。　　So　I　was　obliged　to　give　up　my　old　trade　of
  lending：　for　the　Doctor　declared　that　any　boy　who　borrowed　should
  be　flogged；　and　any　one　who　PAID　should　be　flogged　twice　as　much。
  There　was　no　standing　against　such　a　prohibition　as　this；　and　my
  little　commerce　was　ruined。
  I　was　not　very　high　in　the　school：　not　having　been　able　to　get
  farther　than　that　dreadful　Propria　quae　maribus　in　the　Latin
  grammar；　of　which；　though　I　have　it　by　heart　even　now；　I　never
  could　understand　a　syllable：　but；　on　account　of　my　size；　my　age；
  and　the　prayers　of　my　mother；　was　allowed　to　have　the　privilege　of
  the　bigger　boys；　and　on　holidays　to　walk　about　in　the　town。　　Great
  dandies　we　were；　too；　when　we　thus　went　out。　　I　recollect　my
  costume　very　well：　a　thunder…and…lightning　coat；　a　white　waistcoat
  embroidered　neatly　at　the　pockets；　a　lace　frill；　a　pair　of　knee…
  breeches；　and　elegant　white　cotton　or　silk　stockings。　　This　did
  very　well；　but　still　I　was　dissatisfied：　I　wanted　A　PAIR　OF　BOOTS。
  Three　boys　in　the　school　had　bootsI　was　mad　to　have　them　too。
  But　my　papa；　when　I　wrote　to　him；　would　not　hear　of　it；　and　three
  pounds；　the　price　of　a　pair；　was　too　large　a　sum　for　my　mother　to
  take　from　the　housekeeping；　or　for　me　to　pay；　in　the　present
  impoverished　state　of　my　exchequer；　but　the　desire　for　the　boots
  was　so　strong；　that　have　them　I　must　at　any　rate。
  There　was　a　German　bootmaker　who　had　just　set　up　in　OUR　town　in
  those　days；　who　afterwards　made　his　fortune　in　London。　　I
  determined　to　have　the　boots　from　him；　and　did　not　despair；　before
  the　end　of　a　year　or　two；　either　to　leave　the　school；　when　I　should
  not　mind　his　dunning　me；　or　to　screw　the　money　from　mamma；　and　so
  pay　him。
  So　I　called　upon　this　manStiffelkind　was　his　nameand　he　took　my
  measure　for　a　pair。
  〃You　are　a　vary　yong　gentleman　to　wear　dop…boots；〃　said　the
  shoemaker。
  〃I　suppose；　fellow；〃　says　I；　〃that　is　my　business　and　not　yours。
  Either　make　the　boots　or　notbut　when　you　speak　to　a　man　of　my
  rank；　speak　respectfully！〃　　And　I　poured　out　a　number　of　oaths；　in
  order　to　impress　him　with　a　notion　of　my　respectability。
  They　had　the　desired　effect。　　〃Stay；　sir；〃　says　he。　　〃I　have　a　nice
  littel　pair　of　dop…boots　dat　I　tink　will　jost　do　for　you。〃　　And　he
  produced；　sure　enough；　the　most　elegant　things　I　ever　saw。　　〃Day
  were　made；〃　said　he；　〃for　de　Honorable　Mr。　Stiffney；　of　de　Gards；
  but　were　too　small。〃
  〃Ah；　indeed！〃　said　I。　　〃Stiffney　is　a　relation　of　mine。　　And　what；
  you　scoundrel；　will　you　have　the　impudence　to　ask　for　these
  things？〃　　He　replied；　〃Three　pounds。〃
  〃Well；〃　said　I；　〃they　are　confoundedly　dear；　but；　as　you　will　have
  a　long　time　to　wait　for　your　money；　why；　I　shall　have　my　revenge
  you　see。　　The　man　looked　alarmed；　and　began　a　speech：　〃Sare；I
  cannot　let　dem　go　vidout〃but　a　bright　thought　struck　me；　and　I
  interrupted〃Sir！　don't　sir　me。　　Take　off　the　boots；　fellow；　and；
  hark　ye；　when　you　speak　to　a　nobleman；　don't　saySir。〃
  〃A　hundert　tousand　pardons；　my　lort；〃　says　he：　〃if　I　had　known　you
  were　a　lort；　I　vood　never　have　called　youSir。　　Vat　name　shall　I
  put　down　in　my　books？〃
  〃Name？oh！　why；　Lord　Cornwallis；　to　be　sure；〃　said　I；　as　I　walked
  off　in　the　boots。
  〃And　vat　shall　I　do　vid　my　lort's　shoes？〃
  〃Keep　them　until　I　send　for　them；〃　said　I。　　And；　giving　him　a
  patronizing　bow；　I　walked　out　of　the　shop；　as　the　German　tied　up　my
  shoes　in　paper。
  。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。
  This　story　I　would　not　have　told；　but　that　my　whole　life　turned
  upon　these　accursed　boots。　　I　walked　back　to　school　as　proud　as　a
  peacock；　and　easily　succeeded　in　satisfying　the　boys　as　to　the
  manner　in　which　I　came　by　my　new　ornaments。
  Well；　one　fatal　Monday　morningthe　blackest　of　all　black…Mondays
  that　ever　I　knewas　we　were　all　of　us　playing　between　school…
  hours；　I　saw　a　posse　of　boys　round　a　stranger；　who　seemed　to　be
  looking　out　for　one　of　us。　　A　sudden　trembling　seized　meI　knew　it
  was　Stiffelkind。　　What　had　brought　him　here？　　He　talked　loud；　and
  seemed　angry。　　So　I　rushed　into　the　school…room；　and　burying　my
  head　between　my　hands；　began　reading　for　dear　life。
  〃I　vant　Lort　Cornvallis；〃　said　the　horrid　bootmaker。　　〃His　lortship
  belongs；　I　know；　to　dis　honorable　school；　for　I　saw　him　vid　de　boys
  at　chorch　yesterday。〃
  〃Lord　who？〃
  〃Vy；　Lort　Cornvallis　to　be　surea　very　fat　yong　nobeman；　vid　red
  hair：　he　squints　a　little；　and　svears　dreadfully。〃
  〃There's　no　Lord　Cornvallis　here；〃　said　one；　and　there　was　a　pause。
  〃Stop！　I　have　it；〃　says　that　odious　Bunting。　　〃IT　MUST　BE　STUBBS！〃
  And　〃Stubbs！　Stubbs！〃　every　one　cried　out；　while　I　was　so　busy　at
  my　book　as　not　to　hear　a　word。
  At　last；　two　of　the　biggest　chaps　rushed　into　the　schoolroom；　and
  seizing　each　an　arm；　run　me　into　the　playgroundbolt　up　against
  the　shoemaker。
  〃Dis　is　my　man。　　I　beg　your　lortship's　pardon；〃　says　he；　〃I　have
  brought　your　lortship's　shoes；　vich　you　left。　　See；　dey　have　been
  in　dis　parcel　ever　since　you　vent　avay　in　my　boots。〃
  〃Shoes；　fellow！〃　says　I。　　〃I　never　saw　your　face　before！〃　　For　I
  knew　there　was　nothing　for　it　but　brazening　it　out。　　〃Upon　the
  honor　of　a　gentleman！〃　said　I；　turning　round　to　the　boys。　　They
  hesitated；　and　if　the　trick　had　turned　in　my　favor；　fifty　of　them
  would　have　seized　hold　of　Stiffelkind　and　drubbed　him　soundly。
  〃Stop！〃　says　Bunting　（hang　him！）　　〃Let's　see　the　shoes。　　If　they
  fit　him；　why　then　the　cobbler's　right。〃　　They　did　fit　me；　and　not
  only　that；　but　the　name　of　STUBBS　was　written　in　them　at　full
  length。
  〃Vat！〃　said　Stiffelkind。　　〃Is　he　not　a　lort？　　So　help　me　Himmel；　I
  never　did　vonce　tink　of　looking　at　de　shoes；　which　have　been　lying
  ever　since　in　dis　piece　of　brown　paper。〃　　And　then；　gathering　anger
  as　he　went　on；　he　thundered　out　so　much　of　his　abuse　of　me；　in　his
  German…English；　that　the　boys　roared　with　laughter。　　Swishtail　came
  in　in　the　midst　of　the　disturbance；　and　asked　what　the　noise　meant。
  〃It's　only　Lord　Cornwallis；　sir；〃　said　the　boys；　〃battling　with　his
  shoemaker　about　the　price　of　a　pair　of　top…boots。〃
  〃Oh；　sir；〃　said　I；　〃it　was　only　in　fun　that　I　called　myself　Lord
  Cornwallis。〃
  〃In　fun！Where　are　the　boots？　　And　you；　sir；　give　me　your　bill。〃
  My　beautiful　boots　were　brought；　and　Stiffelkind　produced　his　bill。
  〃Lord　Cornwallis　to　Samuel　Stiffelkind；　for　a　pair　of　bootsfour
  guineas。〃
  〃You　have　been　fool　enough；　sir；〃　says　the　Doctor；　looking　very
  stern；　〃to　let　this　boy　impose　on　you　as　a　lord；　and　knave　enough
  to　charge　him　double　the　value　of　the　article　you　sold　him。　　Take
  back　the　boots；　sir！　　I　won't　pay　a　penny　of　your　bill；　nor　can　you
  get　a　penny。　　As　for　you；　sir；　you　miserable　swindler　and　cheat；　I
  shall　not　flog　you　as　I　did　before；　but　I　shall　send　you　home：　you
  are　not　fit　to　be　the　companion　of　honest　boys。〃
  〃SUPPOSE　WE　DUCK　HIM　before　he　goes？〃　piped　out　a　very　small　voice。
  The　Doctor　grinned　significantly；　and　left　the　school…room；　and　the
  boys　knew　by　this　they　might　have　their　will。　　They　seized　me　and
  carried　me　to　the　playground　pump：　they　pumped　upon　me　until　I　was
  half　dead；　and　the　monster；　Stiffelkind；　stood　looking　on　for　the
  half…hour　the　operation　lasted。
  I　suppose　the　Doctor；　at　last；　thought　I　had　had　pumping　enough；
  for　he　rang　the　school…bell；　and　the　boys　were　obliged　to　leave　me。
  As　I　got　out　of　the　trough；　Stiffelkind　was　alone　with　me。　　〃Vell；
  my　lort；〃　says　he；　〃you　have　paid　SOMETHING　for　dese　boots；　but　not
  all。　　By　Jubider；　YOU　SHALL　NEVER　HEAR　DE　END　OF　DEM。〃　　And　I
  didn't。
  APRIL。FOOLING。
  After　this；　as　you　may　fancy；　I　left　this　disgusting　establishment；
  and　lived　for　some　time　along　with　pa　and　mamma　at　home。　　My
  education　was　finished；　at　least　mamma　and　I　agreed　that　it　was；
  and　from　boyhood　until　hobbadyhoyhood　（which　I　take　to　be　about　the
  sixteenth　year　of　the　life　of　a　young　man；　and　may　be　likened　to
  the　month　of　April　when　spring　begins　to　bloom）from　fourteen
  until　seventeen；　I　say；　I　remained　at　home；　doing　nothingfor
  which　I　have　ever　since　had　a　great　tastethe　idol　of　my　mamma；
  who　took　part　in　all　my　quarrels　with　father；　and　used　regularly　to
  rob　the　weekly　expenses　in　order　to　find　me　in　pocket…money。